The Morning After
by Feeney
Summary: In an alternate universe, Rachel survives the Yeerk War. But three years later she has broken up with Tobias, has no direction, and is still struggling to adjust in a post-war world where maybe she was never supposed to belong in the first place. Terrorists, paparazzi, college guys - Rachel's life was never meant to be easy. Chapter 9: Extra-Curricular Activities
1. Welcome Freshmen

**Author's Note:**

_This started out as a 1-page short fic I wrote while bored in my apartment during ~Polar Vortex 2014~. Originally, I meant it only to be a "Where Are They Now?" kind of thing in an alternate universe where Rachel survived the war and the resulting changes in the Animorphs lives. It was just supposed to be six short blurbs, kind of like the end of a 90s teen movie when they tell you what happened to the characters after graduation._

_Then it spiraled into this whole long thing for which, as of May 2014, I have a dozen chapters already written and I ain't even done with what I have in my head. So. I'll update every week. __Enjoy!_

* * *

**CHAPTER ONE: Welcome Freshmen**

* * *

_BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP!_

My hand shot out from under the covers and slapped around, searching for the relentless alarm clock.

_BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP!_

Where was it? I ran my fingers over the cherry wood nightstand until I reached the wall behind it. My eyes were still squeezed shut under the covers as I felt around for the electrical socket, fishing for the cord. That was why I was so startled when something grabbed my wrist. I cried out and peeked from my covers.

"Oh. Hey." My head retreated back under the blanket.

"You're going to electrocute yourself," Cassie said irritably.

"Good idea, I _definitely _could get a doctor's note for that."

"I've been up for an hour," she grumbled, finally shutting off the alarm for me. "In the sixty minutes since I've been awake, I've heard you snooze this alarm eight times. _Eight damn times_. If I hear it once more I will completely lose it. So would you please. Wake. The._ Hell_. Up!"

"I _am_ awake," I mumbled into my sheets.

Cassie tore the covers off from over my head. Sudden draft and intense sunlight suddenly overwhelmed my senses.

"_Ahh!_ Okay, okay, I'm up!" I whined, trying to burrow myself deeper into my mattress and pillows.

"You are not up! Your first class starts in an hour and since not even a bald eagle can carry a bag full of books to campus, you'll have to drive. You're gonna be late!"

"An hour is plenty of time. We're like fifteen minutes from campus!"

She whacked me with a pillow. "You need extra time to find your classes and get familiar with the buildings. It's you're own fault you didn't want to go to freshman orientation. Hurry up!"

"Can't I just ditch my classes today? It won't hurt to miss one day," I groaned.

"You've missed two days."

"Still not _too_ bad."

"It's only the third day of classes!" Cassie marched over to my closet, blindly pulled out some clothes, and tossed them onto my lap. I cringed at her outfit selection. It had been like ten years since we became friends, and she had gleaned absolutely zero fashion sensibility from me in all that time.

"Rachel, come on. You're the only Animorph to go to college, you've got to represent us well."

I scowled, and Cassie immediately looked guilty.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to turn it into that. I_ know_ this isn't about what the public thinks. This is about you, and I'm proud of you..." she said, sitting at the foot of my bed. Like when we were just kids, not Animorphs. Not intergalactic superheroes. Not tabloid fodder.

After the post-war fervor had died down a little and the world got bored with praising us, it turned out the media could get pretty nasty. They wrote that Jake had such severe Post-Traumatic Stress, he should be committed in a mental facility because he was a danger to himself and others. Cassie was accused of being a pathological workaholic and hypocrite that hid herself in her charity and alien rights work. Tobias was harshly judged and ridiculed for his decision to remain a hawk after the war had ended. Even Marco, who soaked up attention like it was sunlight, got angry when he read the article about his alleged homosexual interspecies romantic relationship with Ax.

We all agreed, though, that the tabloids enjoyed messing with me the most. For months now, there was a daily article describing my alcoholism, drug addiction, and promiscuity. In truth, I had only ever been with one person, never even tried smoking and had only tasted beer once with my dad. Fighting in a war and then being swept up in the aftermath didn't exactly leave me a lot of time for partying, or whatever else this mythical Rachel liked to do.

"...shouldn't let the media nonsense affect you. They're just having a hard time believing that you weren't _completely_ messed up by the war. They don't understand that you've always been really strong, even when we were kids..." Cassie was still talking and I tried to look like I was paying attention, but my mind was wandering.

For the past three years, I lived my life mostly as a shadow. I studied and eventually got my GED at the insistence of my parents, making me the only Animorph with an actual diploma. Not that it mattered all that much. I tagged along with Cassie on her little Hork-Bajir crusades, went to the occasional red carpet movie premiere with Marco, made everyone happy with the odd public appearance. I studied. I volunteered. I did charity. I smiled. Nothing suspicious. Nothing...just, nothing.

But I still spent most of my other free time in morph, flying as an eagle, swimming as a dolphin. These days, I did it alone. I liked being alone. Marco had foolishly tried to get me into the party scene, but that idea was doomed from the beginning. Even Ax offered me a place on the Andalite home world. Something about a friend looking into "artificial skin fashion" for Andalites. But I never felt like I belonged, unless I was somewhere else. Something else.

At that point, I felt like I had seen everything and experienced more at 19 years old than most people do in their entire lives, and I _still_ didn't know anything about who I was. I _was_ a warrior. I _was_ an Animorph. And I _was_ a hero. None of those things applied to me now. So, I had heard most people liked to "find themselves" by either traveling around the world or going to college. And after having been blasted from galaxy to galaxy, time period to time period, I figured I was done with the traveling thing for a while.

"...so I'm glad you decided to go the college route. Blythe University is perfect for you."

I snapped out of my trance. Cassie was watching me, wondering what I was thinking.

"I don't know," I admitted. It seemed my appropriate answer for most things these days.

"I know you," Cassie said firmly. Confidently. "I've seen how you retreat into your eagle morph or whatever, but that's totally okay. It's therapeutic, it can be relaxing if you want it to be and exciting when you need one of your little adrenaline kicks. That's a good thing. I'll be honest, Rachel, I didn't know how you would handle life after the war. You had gotten too into it. Too violent. You scared me."

I thought about last week. A bored eagle soaring, skimming the treetops and getting increasingly angry that it was bored. It was looking for prey. There were dozens of chipmunks, mice, possums. I thought of the cat. The cat that was easily big enough and vicious enough to take me down and rip me apart.

"But you're okay now." She brushed my too-long blond hair from my forehead. "Your life is wide open, and college will help you figure out the rest."

"I guess."

The eagle had screamed in my head, screamed that the huge cat was not prey. It was the predator. It was going to kill me. The human in me begged, pleaded. The cat belonged to someone. It had a collar. A little silver bell. But I ignored eagle. I ignored the human. I felt nothing inside me, and I needed something. Anything.

The fight had been violent, it hurt, and I barely survived. But it just made the cat's stringy muscle taste that much sweeter. When I was done, I left the carcass in the woods, and dropped the little collar into a creek. The tiny bell tinkled as it fell.

I wasn't quite as okay as people thought.

Cassie was looking at me hesitantly. "You're always so distracted lately. You must be really nervous about school, huh?"

I imagined the sensation of tough cat muscles and tendons churning in my stomach. I forced a laugh. "Yeah, right."

"After all we've been through, you pick now to chicken out? Because you don't want to go to _school?_" She was trying to joke, trying to put me in a better mood.

"Shut up," I said, making sure to play my part as grumpy best friend. I swung my legs over the side of my bed and got up unsteadily. From the corner of my eye I could see the deep grooves scratched into the surface of my nightstand. The mark of a particularly bad dream. I moved my alarm clock back to its rightful place, to cover them up. Too late.

"Those aren't new, are they?" Cassie asked, looking at the grooves.

"Nightmare."

"Is that why your nails are so short now?"

I grunted in response as I pulled off my pajamas and returned the clothes Cassie picked out to my closet. I had no qualms about being naked in front of her. We had been through too much together for either us to care anymore.

"I didn't realize they still got so bad."

That was all that needed to be said. This wasn't the first time either of us had woken up screaming and thrashing uncontrollably in bed. It was just a reality that came with our lives. Cassie had dents and scratches in her own room as well, although hers were admittedly older. She didn't cry in her sleep anymore like she used to.

She moved back on my bed to lean on the wall and hugged her knees to her chest. She was getting comfortable, which meant she definitely wanted to do the whole feelings thing this morning.

Sometimes I wished she wasn't this great a friend.

"Seriously, you have nothing to worry about. You fought off aliens and aced high school, I think you can handle college. And if you're worried about paparazzi, you know that they're restricted from campus. And the surrounding mile radius. And the airspace around campus. The literal_ air_ above the school is restricted."

I dug around for a minute before deciding on something that actually matched. "Whatever. I don't care that much. I'm only going because I don't have anything else. I'm not saving the world anymore, unlike you."

I pulled on my clothes for the day. I had showered last night, so I could get away with skipping this morning. I inspected myself. Passable. When I looked at Cassie behind me in the mirror, she was frowning.

"Are you - ?"

"It's kind of sad that I chose the miserable life of a college student, right? " I said quickly, interrupting her question. I'd had all the thought and feelings I could stand for one morning.

Cassie rolled herself off my bed and placed her hand on my shoulder. "Nah. Maybe someday, I'll get a chance to do it."

"Yeah, sure."

She must have decided that I didn't want to talk about it anymore, so she changed the subject. "I'll be out most of the day - "

"You're having a meeting with Good Morning America about the Initiative via satellite until eleven," I said, as I started for my bathroom to splash some water on my face and maybe get some makeup on. "Then you're meeting with Ronnie for lunch and researching some Canadian nature preserves for the Hork-Bajir Foundation. At three you're going to Marco's place so you both can go over notes for tonight's interview about the Visser's incarceration. Then you'll come home late and tired, but barge into my room anyway and ask me how my first day of school went."

At her surprised look, I grinned.

"I'm just as overly informed about every aspect of your life as you are about mine. Tell Marco I said hi, and that whoever he's sleeping with this week is a - "

"Rachel."

"That last girl, Nina-something? Marco was on antibiotics for 2 weeks."

"_Rachel!"_

"I'm just saying!" I smirked at her. "Tell Ronnie I say hi, too. We'll talk about _him_ later."

When I left for school, she was still blushing.

* * *

I looked up from my dizzyingly complicated campus map. A dozen people simultaneously looked away. It was kind of understandable, since my presence practically put the campus on lockdown. No media allowed, and anyone who took a photo of me on school grounds was subject to expulsion or termination from their jobs, in addition to legal action. My mom had called me earlier and told me that the Mayor made it some kind of misdemeanor or crime or something to distribute photos through any channel – internet, cell phone, or otherwise - of me taken on the Blythe University campus. It was actually kind of cool.

Also, it was widely known that I was sort of rude to anyone who annoyed me. As evidenced by the paparazzi guy whose nose I almost broke two weeks ago for asking me if I had a boyfriend, a somewhat sensitive topic for me. It wasn't a huge surprise that people kept their distance.

Right now, though, I needed help finding the Cooper Building for my Calculus class and there was no one I could ask.

I went into the library atrium and found it nearly deserted. It was still early in the semester, and I supposed no one had anything to study for. There was a coffee kiosk at the center, though unfortunately it still looked closed.

I looked back down at the campus map, hoping that by some miracle I could figure out which way to hold it so that it made any sense. If I walked past the coffee kiosk, I'd be going out the west exit and then...

_"Whoa!"_

A tall guy carrying a stack of large cardboard boxes was suddenly in front of me. I had been looking down and he couldn't see me over his boxes until it was too late. We collided and found ourselves on the floor, covered in flaky croissants.

"Watch where the fuck you're going!" I snapped, the fuse on my temper sparked.

"Me?! What about you?! I'm six-three and carrying giant boxes of pastries! How did you not see me?!" He glared at me and, to my surprise, did not waver in his fuming.

I was too stunned at the fact that someone was being actively angry at me - Rachel Berenson, Savior of the Universe, Puncher of People That Piss Me Off - to have any of my usual biting replies.

He climbed to his feet and I did notice that yes, he was tall enough to be hard to miss. His thick black hair was short, but messy in a way that definitely was not just from our run in. I noted that he was lean, not quite skinny but not broad enough to escape being lanky or awkward. If the boxes had been stuffed with anything other than fluffy croissants he probably wouldn't have been able to lift them all by himself. He was wearing a Superman t-shirt, which was ironic and, of course, meant he was a real winner.

Some other guy, massively muscled with a neck like a tree trunk, rushed over. His voice was what I imagined my grizzly morph's voice would be like if it could speak.

"Dude, you jackass, do you even know who she is?!"

I hadn't realized, but the few students roaming the library had all stopped in their tracks to stare.

"Yeah, I know who she is," Croissant Boy said crossly. "That doesn't mean the oceans have to part wherever she goes. She's not Moses."

Grizzly Man cracked his knuckles. "You think you're funny? Pushing little girls around? I ought to bruise your skull - "

Now I was mad.

"Okay, back off," I said harshly. Grizzly looked surprised.

"Just trying to help. I'm Carter, by the way. I'm a huge fan - "

"Cool. Hey, you can mind your own business now, thanks."

Grizzly shook his head and trudged off. I was pretty sure I heard him mutter "bitch" as he went. The other students started to move again, but slowly, making sure to keep watching me. Us.

Croissant held his hand out begrudgingly, offering to help me off the floor. "I guess I should thank you for that. Carter could have pulled my head right off my neck with two fingers."

I swatted his hand away and got up on my own, maintaining the fiery glare I had on him.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I just had a bad morning and every croissant that touched the ground is coming out of my paycheck now. I'm already scraping together my tuition as it is."

My expression softened, ever so slightly. "Well, maybe if you weren't a dumbass and tried carrying those boxes over one at a time."

"I was late."

"Wow, employee of the year," I sneered.

"I don't need to explain myself to you," Croissant growled. "I said I'm sorry. This conversation can end now. Bye."

He turned his back to me and started picking up the dirty croissants.

"Excuse me, Miss. Berenson?"

I jumped. I hadn't even noticed the tiny old man creep up behind me. He wore round Harry Potter glasses and a grotesquely puce sweater vest.

"My name is Mr. Julian Morrow, Head Librarian. I just wanted to say it's a pleasure to have you here!"

"Yeah, okay."

"Was this young man bothering you? Did he harm you? I can make sure he faces strict disciplinary action."

Croissant whirled around to face us, his eyes wide. "I – I didn't - "

"He's not bothering me," I said crankily. For just the briefest of moments I considered letting him get in trouble, but for whatever reason, I realized he was probably the one bothering me the least out of all the people I'd met today. "It's fine."

"Yes, well, if you're sure - "

"I'm sure," I said shortly. Mr. Head Librarian took the hint and left us. It was hard to ignore my hints.

"Thank you for sparing me," Croissant said sarcastically.

"What is your problem?" I demanded. "That's twice now I saved your ass."

"You're the reason my ass is here in the first place!" He accused. "Or, I mean...something. You know what I mean!"

"Whatever, I'll pay the for damn croissants."

"I don't want your money."

_"Unbelievable."_

"What, that money can't fix everything?" he snorted.

I clenched my fists tightly and counted to ten. Then to twenty, before squatting down and picking up some croissants from the floor.

"What are you doing?"

"Helping you. Or are you too self-righteous for that, too?" I felt him staring at me as I gathered an armful of croissants. "What?"

"It's just weird to see Rachel Berenson crawling around on the ground picking food up off the floor, that's all."

"Would you just shut up?"

"Yeah, sure." I glanced up to see him watching me with a confused expression. "Um, I guess put them in this bag, not back in the box. I can still sell the clean ones."

Wordlessly, I helped him drag the bag of bad croissants and the rest of the boxes to the coffee kiosk at the center of the library atrium, where he worked. He went behind the counter and pulled out a green apron with a name tag pinned to it that read "Gary".

"Gary, huh?"

"Nope." He washed his hands and started to position the croissants into the display case. A ghost of a smile was on his lips. "Ben."

"So...that's kinda weird, then," I said, pointing at the name tag.

"I left my name tag in my dorm. Like I said, I was late. And we're not allowed to work without the name tag. You know, so people could identify us if we spit in their coffee or whatever."

"Seriously. Employee of the year."

Ben suddenly cracked a smile. Not some small polite smile, an all-out bright, dimpled grin. He was actually more than a little cute, in a weird way.

"Okay. For real now, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been carrying so many boxes that I couldn't see where I was going, and I appreciate your helping me clean up. Can we start over?"

"I don't start over," I said bluntly. "But I guess I could have been paying closer attention to where I was walking."

"You _guess?_"

"Do you _want_ me to get Mr. Julian Morrow Head Librarian and that frat boy ape creature back in here?"

He laughed, a hearty bellowing laugh. Ben did not express his feelings halfway, it seemed. I supposed we had that in common. Except my feelings weren't always quite so...pleasant.

"So what were you looking at so intensely that you crashed into a walking bakery, anyway?" he asked.

I pulled my rumpled map from my bag and set it on the counter. "Cooper Building?"

Ben squinted at it for a few seconds, turned it around, and squinted again. "What the hell is this?"

"Right?! It's impossible!"

"Cooper Building is out the back doors here. Cross the Peace Quad and it will be on your left down the steps, it's the one with the flags out front. I don't know what the fuck that map is of, I've gone to this school a year already and I can't read that."

"Oh. Thanks."

"Yup. Coffee?"

My eyes widened. "Actually, that sounds great."

Ben wiped his hands off, poured me a large cup and handed it to me. "Three dollars."

"What?!" I yelped, before I could stop myself. I could barely remember the last time I walked up to someone and they had me pay for something. My face flushed instantly in embarrassment. God, when I had become _that_ person.

"Yeah, I know, it's like twenty cents cheaper at the Dunkin' Donuts down the parkway. But I can spot you if you need me - "

"No, it's fine," I said, hurriedly fishing in my bag for three dollars.

"Or, you know, I can give you the Animorph discount." He winked. I had no idea if he was kidding, if he knew what I had been thinking, or if he was just a weird guy. Somehow, I had a feeling it was all of the above.

"You are really annoying." I plunked three dollars on the counter and grabbed the coffee.

"You're not the first to say that. I am also, however, great at computers and math."

"Huh?"

He motioned at the Calculus textbook and the Welcome Pamphlets I had set on the counter during my search for three dollars. On top was the hopelessly complicated packet about setting up school email and accounts.

"I can help you with that if you want. It can get kind of overwhelming. My shift is up at noon and then I have two classes, but if you're not busy at around three...?"

His proposal just sort of hung there between us. I stared at him. His smile was warm, genuinely pleasant. And he was cute.

_Smooth, _I muttered to myself. I had never been flustered by boys before. This problem was a completely foreign concept to me, and it was even more frustrating because I knew exactly why.

My first boyfriend and my first big break-up had left me more than a little shattered.

"Just to help with the computer," Ben said suddenly, noting my hesitation. "That's all, no ulterior motive. Not a big deal if you don't want to. I'll live. I promise."

I was being stupid. Why wasn't I saying anything? _Say something._

"I'm not trying to make this like a meet-cute, I swear," he laughed nervously.

I frowned. "A what?"

"You know, a _meet-cute_."

"I...don't know what that is."

"Probably better if you don't, actually," Ben said, his face a little more pink than before. "Forget I said that."

I shrugged. "Whatever. Well, I'm busy most of today. Think you could help me out tomorrow?"

Ben nodded. "That's cool. We can meet here. Same time, around three?"

"Yeah, okay. Um, sorry again for walking into you."

"Again? You didn't say sorry the first time!"

I rolled my eyes and muttered, "Jerk."

He snickered and waved me off, thanking me again for helping him. I realized that in the maybe ten minutes of my knowing him, I really, really enjoyed his smile.

When I stepped outside, I almost groaned out loud.

I hadn't spoken to Tobias for a year. That was the last time we'd gone flying together, over the mountains near where the Hork-Bajir colony was. Flying with Tobias was the only thing that hadn't changed between the war and the aftermath. It was just like old times, we didn't talk about the war or anything else that stressed us out. We just flew, joked, laughed, and occasionally went human for some private time, shielded from the world and the reporters by the natural cover of trees.

It was that last time that I stopped and asked him why, years after the war ended, he hadn't stayed human. Why had he remained a hawk? He had friends, he had me. He even could have had his mother, if he tried. Tobias didn't have to worry about the war anymore, so it shouldn't have mattered whether or not he could morph. I had wanted a boyfriend, a human one, and didn't see why I couldn't have one.

Tobias tried to explain, tried to reason with me. Some bullshit about being too used to the sky, about the human world being too crazy right now. He still hung out with Cassie and I, sometimes even Marco. He talked to Ax every week via the Z-space communications hub Marco had installed in his ludicrous mansion. He thought life was good. He didn't understand that I couldn't deal with him only being human for two hours at a time anymore. I got angrier, and he got quieter. I accused him of being a coward, and he just took the insult, didn't jump at the bait.

But would _I _ever give up the power to morph? Never be an eagle again, or a bear, or a dolphin. He never pointed out that I spent a lot of my time in morph to avoid the real world, just like him. The fact that he did that, that he was taking the higher road, made me even angrier.

By the time I got to the Cooper Building, I had crushed my empty coffee cup to pieces in my fist. I threw it out and stormed into the building, looking for room 201.

Tobias and I were _over._ We were over the minute that he said no, he didn't want to be human again. We were _over._ I loved him for years, waited for him, and I couldn't wait for him to be ready any more.

I knew I was being crazy. That there was absolutely no reason for me to be thinking any of this right now. Because Ben was cute? Because he was the first guy I met in a very long time that I didn't think was an absolute asshole? Where my standards that low?

Standards for _what?_ I wasn't _into_ Ben. I had just met him! I was just crazy and broken, any little thing could set me off in a spiral. That madness had always been with me, but it had gotten worse.

I was pissed at myself. At Tobias. At Ben, for no real reason. When I got to the classroom, I didn't even look up at the teacher. I found a seat at the very back of the maybe 50 desks in class, where it was harder for people to turn and stare at me, and focused stonily at the board. I didn't hear a word the professor was saying about differential and integral calculus. I was too busy fuming silently about nothing, and didn't even realize that the hour was over until I heard people start zipping up their bags. I got up and kept my head down, ready to make a quick and easy exit.

"Rachel? Miss Berenson?"

I sighed. It was the professor. "Hi."

"I just wanted to say that it's an honor to have you in my class. I know everyone here regards you as a hero, and it is my pleasure to offer my assistance in anything you need for school. Anything at all, I can help you out. Please don't hesitate to ask."

"Thanks," I said, nodding like a puppet. "Okay." I backed out into the hallway before he could say anything else. But after seeing that exchange, my classmates apparently found the courage to talk to me. They all said it was an honor to meet me, they all offered to help me out with anything I needed, they all offered to hang out with me after class, some asked for autographs. I caught a few people rolling their eyes at me and the attention I was getting. Heard some grumbles. And some kids did try and stay out of my way, out of fear or nervousness or whatever.

I forced myself to smile tolerantly and nodded, gave out a few vague "maybe" answers, and excused myself to the bathroom where I hoped no one would bother me. I was wrong, of course, but I eventually got out of there, too. It wasn't the worst fan assault I ever had to deal with, but no ambush was a good ambush.

I was drowning in anxiety. I needed to talk to someone, someone that wasn't going to smother me in a mob. Ducking down behind one of the dormitories, I pulled out my cell phone and called Cassie. I let it ring six times before hanging up. She was still working.

I looked up to the empty blue sky and sighed. No birds, no red-tailed hawks. There was nothing up there. But there was going to be. I hid behind the dumpsters of the closest dining hall, shoved my bag behind it, and morphed.

I grew my wings and struggled to gain some altitude. I had to flap relentlessly towards the closest parking lot, just to get some halfway decent thermals. Thankfully, I was able to get high enough to soar over the campus. No one was looking up at me. Only an Animorph had that habit, frequently looking up in the sky for someone they knew. And birdwatchers, I guess.

I flapped just a little higher so that I could soar in an arc towards the forest. Blythe University had its own nature preserve, a couple hundred acres of just grass, creeks, woodland creatures, and nerdy biologists taking poop samples. I soared deeper into the preserve, where I was almost sure no one would be hanging out right then in the middle of the day.

My thoughts were like torture, endless back and forth. I owed Tobias nothing. Nothing. Yet one random guy offers to help me with email, and I felt like crap. I should have felt good, but there was something inside gnawing at me, telling me I had done something wrong. That I had just put the final nail in a coffin. A coffin that held Tobias, the war, and whatever else had once meant everything to me. Stuff that now meant nothing.

Everyone in class wanted to be my friend. I didn't know any of them, and for all I knew, they would not have said a word to me if I hadn't been all over the their internet homepages. It was superficial, blind, hero-worship crap. All of it. Four years ago, it seemed like everything mattered. Everything I did mattered, my friendships mattered. Now, nothing did. I had Cassie, but there was no Tobias. Barely any Ax. Jake had withdrawn from me, and I did see Marco a couple times a week, but mostly just for trivial business and press things that didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

I knew this feeling. I was losing it. My own deranged version of a panic attack. I was spiraling deeper, uncontrollably into madness as I fought my way higher into the sky, so high that I was starting to get dizzy. Then I angled my wings, pointed my beak down and plummeted.

The bald eagle was like a bullet. Faster than a bullet, practically invisible as it streaked back towards the earth. I felt the bird's already rapid heartbeat race madly, the tops of the trees shooting up towards me like spears. The eagle's brain screamed at me to pull over, it called me crazy. Insane.

_[WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!]_ I pulled out of the dive seconds before being impaled by the top of a pine tree. The tips of the trees scratched my belly as I skimmed so close to death. Now I was pumped. I was still going insanely fast, having managed to retain most of my speed from the dive, and I arced back upward, forming a loop in midair. This was the best thing in the world.

So why did I expect Tobias to give it up for me?

I slowed down, the high ending so abruptly it was like I had crashed. Of course he wouldn't give up flying for me. Who the hell was I? Without the war making me great, I was just a some blond. A dumb blond not even worth being human for.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a raccoon. It wasn't overly large, medium I guessed, for a raccoon. Plenty big enough to pull me out of the air if it got a hold of me. Plenty strong enough to tear into me. I remembered the cat. The rush. The taste. The thrill of winning, being a champion over a defeated foe.

_TSEEEEEEEEER!_

* * *

Later, I demorphed and was glad to find that no one had stolen my bag from the dumpster. I dug around in the front pocket until I found some gum and chewed it on my way to class, tricking myself into thinking I was fresh and clean. Before going in, I checked myself in a bathroom mirror. There was a twig in my hair. A small stain of blood that wasn't mine at the hem of my shirt, it had seeped through from my morphing suit. Tucking it into my jeans was not a good look, so I pulled a sweater on, even though it was near 80 degrees.

My Economics class had been over for twenty minutes now, and I was about to be late for American Literature.

I was able to focus in this one, though. I actually learned things about Edgar Allen Poe. Took some notes, even looked forward to reading tonight. People talked to me, and I didn't feel like running away. I was annoyed, but I successfully repressed the urge to attack anyone, even the ones that asked me out or wanted autographs. I heard some stoners in front of me talking about how they were getting baked in the middle of the woods before class and saw some "hawk" tear apart a raccoon and eat its heart.

But I was chill.

I was cool.


	2. Orientation

**CHAPTER 2: Orientation**

* * *

When I got back home, Cassie was there. This was a fairly rare occurrence.

We started renting the house together a year ago, since Cassie's work with the Hork-Bajir Foundation needed her close to the city but also close to the Hork-Bajir colony, and I wanted to be close to Blythe University. Marco once called it The Barn as a joke, despite it being nowhere near a rural area, and damn him, the name stuck.

The Barn was a relatively humble place, three bedrooms, three baths. Cassie's bedroom was right across from mine, and we each had our own attached bathroom. The third was just a small, quiet space at the end of the upstairs hall - just big enough for a twin bed, dresser, and desk. It was the window that I fell in love with, and ultimately helped make the decision to sign the lease. The window was overly large, an old-fashioned arch shape that opened out and faced the treeline of the woods that edged our secure, gated community. It was so close that a tree branch brushed against the glass when it opened.

Tobias used to enter through the window. It had been my favorite part of the house.

Our downstairs was just a nice-sized living room, eat-in kitchen, and a bathroom with a broken toilet that we kept forgetting to have fixed. Off the kitchen was another small room that Cassie turned into her home office. That was where I found her, typing away at an email.

I sauntered in without needing to announce myself. She knew the sound of my car pulling up to the driveway, and my muttered curses as I struggled to jimmy the back door open with the key I had blunted months ago while trying to saw a tree branch to fight off a skunk.

Long story.

"Hey, what's a 'meet-cute'?" I asked.

Cassie looked over at me, eyebrow quirked. "Why?"

"Just asking."

"It's like, in a romantic comedy. When the couple meets for the first time in a funny, endearing way. You know, Girl tripping on a step and Guy catching her. Guy running to catch a bus and accidentally crashing into Girl. An awkward meeting that becomes something, well, cute."

So Ben was a _dork._

"What, did you have a meet-cute or something?" Cassie teased.

"Please. Someone was talking about it in class," I lied. "Anyway, aren't you supposed to be heading to Marco's? You guys have that thing tonight. The interview."

"In a minute. How was your day?" she asked cheerily. I set my bag down, pulled another chair to the computer, and collapsed into it.

"Class is class," I said simply.

"What's that?" She was looking down. I saw the blood-stained hem of my shirt sticking out from my sweater and felt a cold sweat. It would be too obvious if I tried to hide it, so I played it off casually.

"Ketchup from the dining hall. It's why I'm wearing this damn sweater even though it's hot as the devil's crotch outside."

Cassie bought it. "Ew. Just tucking it in was too uncool?"

"Duh." _Now _it was safe to pull the sweater lower, so she couldn't get a closer look.

It was then that I noticed she grinning widely, practically vibrating with some kind of awesome news. She was dying me to ask her how her day was, I could always tell. Cassie was never the kind of person that just blurted everything on her mind, she liked to be asked. It was a part of her whole thing with putting other people first. If I was half as good a friend as she was, I would just ask about what amazing thing happened to her.

But I opted to be a dick for a moment. "So, in Calculus we learned - "

"_Rachel!"_

"Okay, okay!" I laughed. "Why do you look so happy? You're smiling so wide you barely have any room for your ears."

"Toby Hamee is going to have a baby!" she said, clearly unable to restrain her joy. "They said they're going to name it after me!"

I smiled at that. "That's great! Jesus, congrats to Toby! Although wow, I feel like this somehow makes us all grandparents."

"You know, I felt the same way at first? But the Hork-Bajir lifespan being as short as it is, I suppose it isn't too strange for them. Toby is six years old, so if she lives to be as old as her mother when she died - about twenty-three - at this stage of her life she's even older than us in human years." She paused. "I took this to a dark place, didn't I?"

Our friend Ket Halpak died of old age last year. Imagine our surprise when we found out "old age" to Hork-Bajir meant "barely even old enough to drink". Jara Hamee was only about twenty when he died in battle. Toby's _kalashi _was a nine-year-old named, I kid you not, _Nerf_. Nerf once told us that the oldest Hork-Bajir he'd ever heard of was twenty-seven.

"Uh, kind of. But hey, a new baby Hork-Bajir, that's incredible!" I said quickly. "I wish I had something cool named after me."

"You have like, ten high schools, a few federal buildings, a couple space ships, and a McDonald's Extra Value Meal named after you," Cassie reminded me. "And that's not including all the little babies born in the past few years that are probably named after you."

"But I mean, something _cool._ Like a Hork-Bajir or something," I said. Cassie rolled her eyes. "I should visit them, I haven't seen those guys in a while."

"You should come with me tomorrow!" She said enthusiastically, then faltered. "Although, the media has already gotten their claws in this story. Toby is as popular as the Animorphs these days, what with the Initiative terrorists starting to make headlines and all. She's going to have a small press conference. I told her I'd be there for support."

"A press conference?! Already!?"

"Yeah, you know how the media is." Cassie shrugged. "We spoke with Kono, and she thinks it would be best if we got the baby coverage over with as soon as possible, quick and easy. They're coming and setting up a couple news trucks at the base of the mountain. Twenty minutes of questions from the press, a ten minute interview with Louise Headwater, and they're gonna wrap it up. Easy-peasy."

"Because everything we do is easy-peasy," I said dryly.

"Anyway, do you think you can make it?"

"I, uh..." I remembered I had asked Ben to help me at the computer lab at the same time. "I have plans after class."

She looked at me skeptically. "I know you hate reporters, but I heard it's gonna be catered. Pigs in a blanket. You love those!"

"I don't think I can, I'm sorry," I said. "I can definitely catch up with you and Toby after the press conference is over, though?"

She noticed my vagueness, of course, and was studying me trying to figure it out. "Oh! Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. Tobias is going to be there too, of course. I wasn't thinking..."

"No, not because of him," I said honestly. Mostly. "I, uh, I guess I made a friend today."

Cassie's eyebrows shot up. She knew as well as I did that I didn't make friends easily. "A kid from one of your classes?"

"Actually, the coffee guy."

"Oh, well, I see what drew you to him," Cassie laughed. Since the war I had developed a little bit of a mild six-cups-a-day coffee addiction.

"I wasn't _drawn_ to him," I scowled. "I was lost and happened to bump into him at the library."

"Bump – is _that _why you asked about meet-cutes?!"

"Shut up."

"Okay. Well, he asked you to do something? What are you guys gonna do?" Her knees were pulled up to her chin again. Her listening position. She was going all in and wouldn't leave me alone until I spilled my guts.

"I asked him to help me set up my school accounts."

Cassie blinked. "_You_ asked _him?_"

"He offered. I accepted. You know how I am with computers."

She was scrutinizing me with an unreadable expression.

"What?'

"Oh, nothing. Actually, this is a good thing. A great thing. You should be moving on. This guy has to be nice, if he was able to get you to ask him out."

My mouth dropped open. "I didn't ask him out! I technically didn't even ask him for help!"

"You shouldn't feel ashamed - "

"I'm not!"

" - or guilty."

"I'm _not!_" I protested again, but I saw confirmation in Cassie's eyes. She knew I was lying. She knew I'd been thinking about Tobias pretty much all day.

"Well, in case you do feel guilty, about anything, _at all_. You should know that you shouldn't. I think this is great."

I unconsciously put my hand over where the hidden blood stain was.

"So what's this guy's name?"

I sighed. "Ben."

"Cute."

"It's just a name."

"Well, its a little name. Cute."

"It's probably short for Benjamin. Or Benedict. He looks more like a Benjamin, though, he - " My eyes narrowed "If you're trying to get me to tell you what he looks like, you're going to fail."

"I'm not trying anything." She was grinning.

The more she grinned suggestively at me like that, the more I started thinking about Tobias. She made that same expression whenever I used to talk about him. The darkness was starting to gnaw at me again. I needed to change the subject before I lost it. "So who's the email to?"

Cassie frowned, her exciting boy talk effectively derailed. "The president."

"What's up with Georgie these days?" I snagged a couple cookies from the plate by Cassie's mug of tea.

"_President Bush_ is looking for some help in the alien foreign policy department. He's looking to get a feel on the democratic opinion. Also with the Hork-Bajir, Andalites, and Taxxons, he's going to need to address the homeland security problems eventually on the campaign trail. I'm not a fan, but I could use this opportunity to get a good feel on American - "

Talking politics with Cassie was even worse than girl talk. I was ready to switch back over.

"Ugh. Never mind. How was lunch with Ronnie? Find some new Hork-Bajir homelands?"

"He asked me out. We're doing dinner and a movie or something Friday after work."

I nearly choked on my cookie, my mouth had gone suddenly dry. Cassie slammed me on the back a couple times.

"He _what?!_" I demanded. "You're _what?!_"

Ronnie Chambers worked with the Hork-Bajir, along with Cassie. He'd been assigned by the president's task force several months ago in the spring and I knew they had become close friends. I had met him a few times, so I at least knew he was a good guy. He genuinely seemed to love his job as much as Cassie did. He was older, I think Cassie mentioned he was 23 and she was still only 18 for another couple months, but the reality was that the Animorphs had aged up a long time ago. Ronnie was handsome, funny in a quiet sort of way, and obviously smart. In the near minute that Cassie sat there silently sizing up my reaction, I could not think of a single thing that was wrong with him. Other than he wasn't...

"You're thinking about Jake."

"Did I mention I hate that you always know what I'm thinking," I grumbled.

"It's not that hard, Rachel. You've been clinging to the war for years," she said honestly. "You think of those days as the 'good ole days' like some old war hero playing poker with his army boys. It's why you practically refuse to make any new friends, why you're having such a hard time moving on from Tobias, and why even after three years of barely seeing Jake at all, you still feel like he's my boyfriend."

"Whatever." I took her tea and started to drink it, like an angry child trying to spite her mother.

Cassie scowled. "I'm sorry, but you know I'm right. You always get angry when I'm right."

"You keep trying to make me feel bad about not adjusting!"

"You were going to try to make me feel bad about not being with Jake anymore!"

I put her tea down and started to massage the bridge of my nose. I was starting to get a headache. I needed more caffeine, and Cassie's tea wasn't cutting it.

"Rachel, listen, I'm not going to rush you through your life. Feel your feelings for however long you need. I love you, okay? I'm here for you. But we _do _need to move on from our war with the Yeerks. Nothing is the same as it was, and it never will be. I'm not going to stop dating everyone other than Jake just because you want to live in some fantasy where the six of us will stay the same forever. Okay?"

I mumbled under my breath.

"What?"

"I said, Ronnie seems cool," I relented. I would give her that. My annoyingly happy, self-righteous best friend could have that, at least.

She smiled and gave me a hug, knowing I was at least attempting at some kind of peace. Her words echoed in my head. I could tell she'd wanted to say that for a while, and she was right. I had liked the war. I liked the way things were. I didn't like that it had changed.

But I also fucking liked Cassie and all I wanted was the best for her. If that meant dating Ronnie instead of Jake, then it was what it was.

Cassie finished up her email and signed out of her account. "I need help getting dressed. Actually, no, I don't, but you're going to whine about what I'm wearing regardless so I might as well just nip all that in the bud and have you dress me in the first place because I don't want to be late."

* * *

I already had a ton of homework, but when Marco's limo showed up at the front of our house and the driver said he was there to pick us _both_ up, Cassie convinced me to come along.

The plan originally was for her to meet up with Marco at his place so they could discuss their tactics during tonight's nationally-televised primetime discussion. As the unofficial spokespeople for the Animorphs, the two of them were going to have a chat with Bob Greenfield, some famous news reporter that I probably should have known more about. It wasn't a formal debate, but the discussion was about the Visser, formerly Visser One and even more formerly our nemesis Visser Three, and his current incarceration.

The monster that we still could only think of as Visser Three, was currently being held host-less, completely blind, mute, and helpless, in a weird purple box the Andalites rigged up. The box fed him Kandrona rays to keep him alive and, at the request of people who for some reason didn't want him to suffer during his lifelong isolated imprisonment, it sedated him.

Three years ago, an "unknown individual" tipped off the United States government about a hidden Yeerk installation in the Nevada desert. It seemed its purpose was for bio-engineering, and a few of its products were still there running around in a pen - horses, whose brains had been modified for infestation by Yeerks. There were more dead horses than live ones, but they rescued and rehabilitated three of them. Once a week, Visser Three was allowed to infest a horse and feel some small bit of sensation and freedom in a closely-guarded 50 by 50 foot field. He could hear, see, smell, taste, and to some small extent communicate. For two hours twice a week, he was allowed to be alive.

Marco and I had wanted to just throw the Yeerk into a fire. Cassie - and more quietly in the background, Tobias - thought he should be imprisoned, but were horrified by the purple box the Andalites had given us to keep him in. They claimed it was basically like prolonging death, and that it was too cruel. Jake at the time was struggling through his own demons so he had no public opinion and Ax was off-world being promoted to Prince. So Earth was divided, some standing behind Marco and I and some behind Cassie and Tobias.

Eventually, I gave Ax a quick call and had him set me up a secret, encrypted phone line. I gave the tip and it worked. Earth found their own solution to the Visser problem, and I didn't have to mention a single Andalite toilet to anyone.

To this day we've kept that particular embarrassment of a mission to ourselves.

The Andalites also found a way to modify their own animals they considered non-sentient and incarcerated their criminal-of-war Yeerks in the same way. Everybody won. Cassie had wanted to come forward with the story of the Iskoort, but I managed to squash that idea. We all agreed that missions involving the Ellimist were not to be mentioned. That was a whole new can of worms, and our planet was only just coming to grasp the concept of _regular _aliens.

Anyway, humans and Andalites already knew it was possible to modify non-sentient species for Yeerks to infest. It was only a matter of time before someone thought, "Hey, what if we engineer an entire species specifically for being symbiotes with Yeerks!?" The seed had been planted, which is what the Ellimist had wanted all along.

But now, after years of letting Earth hold the Visser, it seemed the Andalites wanted to try him themselves in their own justice system. Cassie and Marco were going to advocate for the humans, and how we should keep the Visser here, since we were the ones he committed crimes against. One Andalite, some analyst or whatever, was going to be there to argue for his own race, along with a like-minded human named Beth Jerabek, some senator from New York. According to them and the Andalites, Visser Three's crimes started long before he came to Earth, and he should be tried for those as well.

On one level I figured their guilt stems from way back, when Andalites discovered the Yeerks and basically let them loose in the universe. They probably felt some sort of responsibility for this whole thing. On the other hand, they were probably still just really pissed about the Visser having the balls to infest a high and mighty Andalite.

Either way, I didn't care about this fight. Unless this was solved with shooting the Visser into the sun, I was done with it.

"I'm really sorry for making you and Marco do all this alone," I said, actually only slightly sorry about it.

"It's fine, Rachel. You officially have your own stuff going on. Marco and I, this is our job."

Cassie was nose deep in some of her notes, scribbling and erasing here and there. We were alone in the back of the limo, so we had lots of room to stretch out. Cassie was huddled in a corner surrounded by papers, looking stressed but amazing in the navy blue blazer and slacks I'd thrown on her.

The limo ride was about an hour to were Marco lived, which was a mansion on a hill surrounded by a random assortment of celebrities. We never actually drove there ourselves, we only ever flew as birds or he sent us a limo, because that was just Marco these days. Cassie was using the time to prepare, and I'd brought along my homework, since Marco refused to leave me alone in my house.

"Come on, I'm not going to make you come to the studio. You can watch us on one of the new LED HDTV's I had installed. They're like 7 feet across!" He had said on the phone, when the driver dutifully called him from the limo. I had glared at the driver, but Marco made him give the phone to me. "You can even study your nerdy-ass college stuff if you want. Just get out of The Barn for once, it's been a while!"

That boy did not understand the meaning of humble. His mansion was massive, about twice the size of the mansion he'd bought for his reunited parents, and he was the only one really living in it. A 9-bedroom 10-bath mega-mansion, with an elevator, 10-car garage, pool, basketball court, movie theater and actual guesthouse with smaller garage and jacuzzi. Marco's property was its own gated community within a larger gated community. Plus he had more places in New York, Italy, and God knew where else. Excess? What was that?

After the war, all of us, even Tobias for a miniscule portion, featured in a documentary about the Animorphs. It was the number one movie in America for all the months it was in theaters, and the DVD was the number one selling movie of all time. We all could retire comfortable as teenagers on that and its royalties alone, but Marco also hosted lots of celebrity events and even the Emmy's red carpet once. For the upcoming season he was the host of American Idol, as well. Cassie wrote a book, which has been at least top 3 on the NY Times BestSeller list for 2 years, plus she had her government job. Jake had his own government job at the morphing Academy, and of course Ax had also gone the military route as Prince.

Other than the red-tailed hawk that lived in the forest, I was the only one that hadn't gotten a "real" job.

I stared at my Calculus homework at the back of Marco's limo, suddenly feeling very small.

When we arrived at the edge of Marco's domain, we confirmed our identities with Marco's security stations, _plural_, and our driver drove us up the obscenely large cul de sac, which wrapped around a massive marble fountain, and parked in front a large set of marble steps.

We thanked the driver, whose name we learned was Jim, and tipped him. Then we climbed all the way up the stairs and rang the doorbell. The theme song to Jurassic Park played back at us and Marco's butler answered the door.

"Hi, Mr. McPherson," Cassie greeted politely.

"Mr...I thought your named was Wetherbee?" I looked at the middle-aged British man.

"My name is McPherson, Mr. Lanza just prefers to call me Wetherbee," he said stiffly. "Please make yourselves comfortable in the drawing room while I fetch him."

He extended a white-gloved hand in the direction of Marco's living room. His first living room, anyway.

"Thanks, uh, sir." I wasn't sure which name to call him now.

"There is no need call me that, Miss Berenson," he led us to the room and politely waited for the both of us to be seated before turning on his heel to find Marco. The "drawing room" was essentially a living room bigger than the entire first floor of our house.

"So. Anyone else think Marco's gone crazy?" I said, poking at a set of hanging silver balls, one of those things that demonstrated the transfer of energy or whatever. It was sitting on an end table with a bobblehead of Kobe Bryant.

"We've known that since we met him," Cassie said. "I just wish he'd call Mr. McPherson by his real name."

I tossed my books down on the massive coffee table and reclined on the no doubt ridiculously expensive sectional. I'd been here many times before, so I knew exactly were the button was to activate the recliner. My portion of the couch began to flatten out and my legs were lifted up.

"Hey Cassie, hand me the control? Or can you activate the back massager?"

She made a face, but complied. The leather warmed slightly and then started to knead the knots from my back.

"Marco wasn't kidding about this TV," Cassie observed. "It's huge. Nearly as big as the wall he uses with the 3D projector in his actual living room."

I groaned in response. This couch was extremely stupid, but it felt so good.

"Presenting Mr. Lanza and Miss Sirota," Wetherbee announced. He nodded once and walked off, hopefully to go write his letter of resignation. I moaned again in greeting. The damn couch was hitting just the right spot between my shoulders.

Cassie turned to see Marco, admittedly well dressed and looking pretty good, and his girlfriend Svetlana Sirota, a six foot tall blond Russian model, walk into the room. We hated her. Or, well, I kind of did. Cassie insisted that she supported Marco in his decisions, but I saw that twitch in her false smile.

"Hey ladies! Lookin' good," Marco greeted. "Care for some drinks?"

"We're not legal yet," Cassie said distastefully. The bimbo on Marco's arm giggled.

"I meant like, soda or water or whatever," Marco said, detaching himself from Svetlana and ducking behind his extensive home bar. "Rachel? Anything? Coffee? A martini? A quickie in the library stacks of Blythe University?"

"Coffee sounds really good – wait, what?!"

Svetlana cracked up so hard she had to sit down. Next to me. I refrained from pushing her off the couch.

Marco grinned. "I take it you didn't go on Yahoo! News at all today."

"No."

Marco emerged from behind the bar with a teeny high-tech laptop. He flipped it open and presented it to me. I saw my face at the top of the page and read the headline. My jaw dropped.

"_ANIMORPH HAS ROMANTIC TRYST WITH LOCAL COLLEGE BOY!?_" I raged.

"So they say."

"That's a lie!" I fumed, slamming Marco's computer shut.

"Hey, that's expensive!"

"Those _assholes!_ We just talked! For like, five minutes total, maybe!"

Cassie's hand was holding my shoulder, pulling me down. I hadn't even realized I was trying to get up. "Rachel, relax. Remember what we said about the tabloids? Just forget it."

She took the laptop from me and opened it. "Besides, this isn't so bad. They've written worse about you. No pictures, of course...they just say..._ew!_ In the bathroom!?"

"Wait til you get to the part with them going at it in the computer lab."

_"Ugh."_ I tucked my head between my knees. "Marco, forget the coffee."

"Atta girl. Marco Special, coming right up."

Cassie continued to scroll down the news article, her eyes getting wider. "Oh. My. Well. If there's anything good about this, it's that creativity in America is certainly still thriving."

"Ughhh."

She eyed me over the top of the computer. "You know, even if you did fool around a little bit with someone, that's not like a bad thing."

"_Ughhhhh."_

Marco handed me some random thing in a glass and I gulped it down, letting it burn my throat. Svetlana tutted at my appalling behavior. I glared at her and she decided not to make any more clicking noises. Marco took a seat on the sofa across from us, and Svetlana got up to sit on his lap, despite the large expanse of room on the cushions next to him. Cassie and I shared a discreet look.

"So, this thing with Bob Greenfield," Marco started, taking a sip of his own drink and letting his concubine have the rest.

Cassie nodded and pushed her notes across the table to him. Marco was just reaching out to grab them when his cell phone started to ring in his pocket, under Svetlana. She giggled.

"Eet eez on vibrateeng," she said huskily. She reached down to slowly grab the phone from his pocket. I almost vomited in my empty glass and Cassie averted her eyes upward. Marco at least had the decency to look embarrassed at the woman's behavior as he took the phone from her. Svetlana snarled hungrily.

"Hey. Oh, yeah, Cassie and I are going over the notes now. Uh-huh. Yeah, we'll be ready for pick-up by 7 or so. It's a short ride to the station. Yeah, okay, cool. Bye."

He hung up.

"Was that Kono?" Cassie asked. Kono was Marco's long-suffering personal assistant and unofficial publicist. Her, I actually liked.

"Yeah, she's gonna have Jim bring the limo back around in an hour or two." To Svetlana, he said, "Sweetie, I gotta work tonight. I'll see you bright and early tomorrow for the photoshoot?"

Svetlana pouted, but slinked off his lap and got her purse.

"I vill miss you every minute until then!"

She stuck her tongue down so far deep down Marco's throat that I was getting nauseous and then giggled and pranced her way out the front door, where one of Marco's valet staff had already driven up in her Porsche. We looked at Marco. He blushed.

"She has really good taste in music."

* * *

Marco was all business once his girlfriend left. Well, perhaps not _all _business, but he was definitely Old Marco. He opened a powerpoint of his own notes and compared them to Cassie's handwritten ones. Thy discussed strategies to get more of the American people on their side and how to stick it to the Andalites without sounding too forceful. Rumor was, the government was planning to allow them a base here on Earth. We didn't want to step on any toes.

I put a few suggestions out there, but my heart really wasn't in it and I purposefully faded into the background, trying to refocus on American Lit.

Half an hour later, Sakurako Kono stopped by. I was genuinely pleased to see her. She was young, actually still just a senior political science major at Blythe University with me. Marco met her at some rally a year ago and they hit it off. They hit it off so well, actually that I was sure they would eventually start dating. We were surprised to learn that he instead hired her as his personal assistant and unofficial PR rep for her undergrad internship. She was excellent at her job, had great public speaking skills, and would do great things in Washington some day.

It was tough to get a job in the big leagues, though. She passed up an internship with some Congressman she hated to get her foot in the door someplace else. Lucky for her, she met the most famous man in US. You could say a lot of things about Marco, but he was a networking dream. Kono was great at organizing all of Marco's entertainment businesses, she was even better at managing the press, but where she really excelled was this. Politics.

"Hey, guys!" Kono greeted brightly. She hugged Cassie and I. "Rachel! I didn't know you were coming! I thought you would be busy with school stuff. I remember what freshman year was like."

I pointed forlornly at my small stack of books.

"Oh. Don't worry, it'll go by quick. It did for me, anyway." Kono shook her head. "I can't believe I'm graduating in May. But hey, if that's American Lit with Professor Olu then I can definitely help you with that."

"Thanks."

"You haven't decided on a major yet, have you?" she sat down next to me and started looking over my syllabus. Kono was a tiny little spitfire. Shorter even than Cassie, she didn't look remotely formidable, but the girl did not stop moving. Ever. And nothing wore her out. When she walked, you had to jog to keep up. When she talked, you had to listen carefully because she had a lot to say and only a little time allotted in her busy life to say it. When she set her mind on something, it was going to get done. Hard.

Unfortunately, she didn't have time to wait, either. Her near complete lack of attention span sort of counteracted her inhuman productivity.

"Oooh. This test? He reuses the same questions every year, just mixes the order around. I can help you with that." She winked and I expressed my undying gratitude. Behind me I could feel Cassie's burning disapproval and Marco's glowing pride.

She was one of the only people I met after the war that I could actually call a friend, but I was soon forgotten as she handed the syllabus back to me, complimented me on growing my hair out, and joined Marco and Cassie's huddle. I re-opened my collected works of Edgar Allen Poe, feeling a bit like I had just been tossed by a whirlwind.

Cassie tapped me on the shoulder an hour later and I sat up, unsticking my face from the pages of the book I'd fallen asleep on.

"Rach? The limo's here. We're heading out, you sure you don't want to come?"

"And end up on Yahoo! News again? No thanks," I grumbled.

Kono frowned. "I read that. Sorry."

Marco grabbed a remote and turned on his stupidly big TV.

"We're on channel 7 in two hours! Until then, I have movies in that cabinet over there, and you're free to do whatever you want." He handed me the remote and pointed at one of the touchscreen buttons. "That one is the hot tub. It comes up from the floor right there."

I couldn't even scowl at him, I was so amazed.

"We'll be back by like, 11 at the latest," Cassie said. She looked at Kono and she nodded in confirmation. "Probably earlier than that. You should be fine though, since your first class doesn't start until 10-something in the morning."

"Kono's gonna help me field the press after the show ends," Marco said. "We already have an escape car ready for Cassie. It'll bring her back here to get you and then get you guys home."

Cassie waved and was out the door with Kono, giggling about something. Marco hung back to grab his coat.

"Hey, Rachel," he said, almost whispering. "I, uh, I didn't just ask you to come so you could nap on my couch."

"Yeah?"

"I wanted to give you this," Marco went over to his closet and handed me a laptop. "A college present."

I quirked an eyebrow. "Thanks, but you know I already have a computer. And that I barely know how to use it."

"Not like this one. Last time Ax was planet-side, he fiddled around with it. Untraceable, undetectable. Able to draw wifi from a mile away, and cracks all network security passwords for access."

"What do you think people _do_ in college?!"

He grinned. "No idea."

"You wanted me to come here just to give me a computer?" I asked skeptically, taking it anyway. It looked pretty fancy. I could give my other one to Jordan, who would be starting her junior year of high school in September.

"Not just that," Marco tapped the lid. "There's a file on the desktop. I want you to open it."

"A file you could have just emailed me if you wanted," I said, flipping over the top. Matte screen, anti-glare. Light-up keyboard. Large trackpad. Fancy.

Marco sighed and shut the laptop so I would pay attention. "I kind of just wanted to see you. It's been a while."

I studied him closely. Marco and I were never that close. Before the war, we were barely acquaintances in school. Just that kid that hung out with my cousin Jake. During the war, we could loosely be considered friends. We saved each others lives on practically a daily basis. We laughed. We clashed. We fought. We made up. We needed each other. But other than the Animorphs, we had no connection. I would have thought that after the war, we would have just gone back to being acquaintances. Polite nods in public, the occasional Christmas card, stuff like that. It was strange, that Marco and I kept up a relationship when we no longer had to. Why try to be close to me now, when the only times the two of us really tried to reach out emotionally were...

I scowled. The only time we were really that kind was when I went to visit him after we tried to assassinate his mother, Visser One. I also remembered during our Royan Island mission, I lied and pretended to hear his mother escape on an invisible ship. He knew I was lying to make him feel better, and thanked me for it. We were really only ever this awkwardly nice to each other when one of us was to be pitied.

Did Marco pity me?

"We saw each other at the Fourth of July banquet thing, remember?" I said finally.

"Yeah, well, that was like a month ago and I don't hear from you much anymore. Other than what I hear from everyone else. Cassie, Kono, and even Toby. I know Jake and Tobias haven't been keeping in touch with you either, so I can't get anything from them."

I narrowed my eyes. Marco did pity me. For my life, or lack thereof? Did he know about my secret out-of control morph incidents? Of course not. He just felt sorry for me, the fact that the media picked on me and that I didn't fit quite as well into this world as him and Cassie. He pitied me like he pitied Jake and Tobias.

"I'm fine. You have my number if you really need to be in my business," I grumbled, trying hard not to be angry. "Don't call me though. Text me. I can only deal with hearing your voice every so often, and you're already in every radio commercial."

Marco laughed. "I'll text you, then."

He started to walk out the door, but I grabbed his shoulder.

"Wait. Um, thanks."

He shrugged, without turning around. "No problem, Rach."


	3. Username and Password

**CHAPTER THREE: Username and Password**

* * *

Even after eating all of the snacks from Marco's bar, taking a nap on his massaging couch, and generally enjoying the crap out of Marco's ridiculous mansion, I was able to plow through my homework. School was familiar. Homework was easy. I got straight A's even as a teenager fighting in a secret war with aliens. It was one of the few things I was actually good at.

What I wasn't good at was being on TV. Thankfully, Cassie and Marco had done extremely well on their show, which I watched from Marco's hot tub in my morphing suit while sipping on a large mug of coffee. They presented their point clearly and concisely, and managed to knock back every ball lobbed in their court by the Andalite team. Based on last night, it looked like the tide was swaying in favor of keeping the Visser Earth-side. I was proud of them, despite not caring about the issue at all.

After their segment, they ran a piece about the Initiative, the terrorist group actively protesting aliens taking residence on Earth. I was mildly interested, since the Initiative had been picking up in activity lately. Hateful graffiti on the Hork-Bajir offices, flyers and pamphlets thrown around the streets, even some violence against the known supporters of Hork-Bajir colonization. For the sake of my friends I tried to keep up with that news, but they were nothing compared to the Yeerks and we were all more than capable of taking care of ourselves. Plus, Jake's job was to train an entire division of military just to combat threats like this.

Still, I managed to stave off sleep for_ almost_ the entire thing. Almost. When Cassie returned to the mansion, she found me zonked out and pruney with my head barely above the water line of Marco's hot tub. When she splashed me, I woke up in such a panic that I nearly drowned in two feet of bubbly water.

So I was grumpy the next morning in class, and I did not take very kindly to the airhead at the next desk asking me why I wasn't on TV last night. Or her boyfriend, who was leering. I politely told them to turn around or else they'd find their piping hot pumpkin spice lattes burning holes in their laps. My Economics class quickly learned not to mess with me in the morning.

Afterwards my mood had calmed a little, but only a little, which was why Ben was treading so lightly when we met up in the library.

"Rough night?" he asked, grinning. Ben had the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed look of someone who'd gotten at least six hours of uninterrupted, worry-less sleep in a dry bed. Even his Green Lantern t-shirt was a bright, annoyingly neon green. Everything about him just seemed happy.

Saying, "Yeah my billionaire friend made me visit his mansion because he thinks I'm a loser and I almost drowned in a hot tub that comes up from the floor," just didn't seem like the thing to say.

"I guess," I said simply. "Good to know I look like shit, though, thanks."

"No problem."

At my acidic expression, he held up his hands.

"I'm kidding. You're as stunning as you always are. You just seem a little more down today, that's all. The other Animorphs, Cassie and Marco, they did really well last night and I thought that would put you in a good mood."

"No, yeah, I'm proud of them," I said. I left it at that, and if Ben couldn't take the hint that I didn't want to talk about it, he was about to learn what my Economics class just did.

He took the hint and stepped aside, walking me out of the atrium into the main library.

"Where are we going? The computers were back that way." Ben was going to help me set up school accounts and while I was no expert in the subject, I was pretty sure you needed a computer to do that. Not that I was looking forward to going to the computer lab. From what I saw it was crowded, packed full of people who were going to gawk and whisper awful rumors that would end up on all the gossip websites by morning.

"There's a set of stairs at the back, next to the row of TA offices." He led me down a row of bookcases that I swear got dustier and dustier the further we got. I could see the TA offices he was talking about, little more than claustrophobic glassed-in cubicles inhabited by hunched-over grad students. At the very end was a large metal door that read, _Emergency Exit Only. Alarm Will Sound._

"Uh, are you sure...?"

Ben shoved the door open, and the only alarming sound was the high-pitched shriek of its rusty hinges. One of the TA's stuck her head out of her office and shushed us.

"This fire alarm's been broken forever," Ben explained, holding the door open for me. "I discovered it freshman year."

"Well, that totally makes me feel safe in a building stacked with old paper books and splintering wooden tables." We climbed a set of creaking stairs, riddled with cracks and cobwebs. "Where does this even lead, the dungeon tower?"

Ben laughed and shook his head. "Just more library, but nobody ever goes to this back section. That's why I like it. Sometimes I just want to be alone, nothing but peace and quiet."

"I know the feeling," I said. Silently, I noted that he was probably bringing the wrong person up here to his secret spot. Peace and quiet didn't exactly follow me around.

We emerged into what looked just like the rest of the library, if it had been abandoned for fifty years in a post-apocalyptic universe. The musty smell startled me for a moment and Ben looked at me sympathetically before propping the door open.

"It just needs to air out for a couple minutes," he reassured me.

The bookcases were packed more tightly together than downstairs, and there were no TA offices. Not even a grad student wanted to work up here. I inspected the spines of the books and realized they were all in Russian. Blythe University didn't have a Russian program. At least, they didn't anymore. Maybe they did back in the 70's, the last time it seemed like this study room was used.

"In 1978 the government discovered a conspiracy right here in this room," Ben said. "It turned out that Russians were sending spies to the US and they were undercover here at the university during the Cold War. They found weapons in hidden compartments, advanced computers, even a couple dead bodies in bags."

"Seriously?!"

"No, God, that was too easy. Are you sure you saved the galaxy?"

He chuckled even as I pushed him into a moldy-looking chair. I swear, dust blew out of it in the shape of a cartoon skull. There was a single large desk with three monitors and three sets of keyboards that looked like they were at least from the 90s. I noticed they were all covered in a fine layer of dust, except the middle one where I had shoved Ben.

"Sorry, I'm the only one who ever uses these, never really needed to clean them off." He pulled a Lysol wipe out of his backpack and started wiping down the computer to his left. "At least I came prepared!"

I dusted off another chair and sat dubiously. "Are you sure these computers even work?"

"Of course. I'm the one who fixed them!" In a lower voice, he whispered, "But don't tell anyone. As far as everyone else on campus is concerned, these are broken and this room is useless."

I booted up my computer and was mildly surprised that it turned on at all. Ben was beaming at me and it was strangely endearing, considering he was making me breathe book mold and sit in a chair that might give my butt tetanus or whatever. But apparently, being alone with computers was one of his favorite things.

"To log in to Windows the username is Student and the password is BlytheU," Ben explained, once the window popped up on my screen. I followed his instructions and watched as he opened up his browser and logged into the school system.

"Your school ID is the ten numbers on the back of your ID card." He flipped over his own to show me. "Or you can use the default username. Your last name and first initial. The password is your last 4 digits of your social and the first two letters of your last name."

I stared as he typed "WenB" into the username box.

"Your last name is Wen?"

"Yeah."

_"Ben Wen?"_

He grinned. "Benjamin Wen. My older brother's name is Kenneth, and I have a little sister named Jennifer."

"Ken, Ben and Jen Wen. My God, you guys never had a chance."

"Well, at least it finally put that smile on your face." He gently bumped the bottom of my chair with his sneaker.

Ben was quickly becoming one of the most likable people I had met in a while. Still, I looked away, embarrassed.

"My last name and first initial," I repeated his instructions as I typed. I punched in the last four digits of my social and was greeted by the Blythe University student portal.

He proceeded to walk me through setting everything up, and it wasn't too long before I had a school email, E-Learning account, and against my better judgement, a campus meal plan. I also officially had a parking permit on campus, since technically I had been parking illegally since yesterday.

"I doubt it matters," he shrugged. "Like anyone wants to be the guy that gives Rachel Berenson a parking ticket, right?"

When I had first registered for college it had seemed overwhelming, but Ben had made it all much simpler. The process for submitting assignments online was kind of a nightmare, but Ben assured me it got easier.

"Actually, there's a little trick you can do to buy yourself some time if your paper's late," he said, pointing. "It doesn't work all the time, but if you upload a corrupted file as a Word document, like ninety percent of the professors here will think it's an honest mistake and just email you telling you to upload it again. Boom, you have another few hours to finish."

I stared at him blankly.

"Just don't tell a lot of people. I don't really want it spreading around, then I'll never get away with it."

"Dude, I couldn't even if I wanted to."

"Don't worry about it, just hit me up if you need me." He shrugged.

"Thanks a lot," I said gratefully. "You're a lifesaver."

"No problem," Ben said. "Hey, I have an hour to kill before my engineering study group and I was going to grab some food. You want to try out your new meal plan?"

I looked at my watch. Toby's press conference didn't start until six. It was just after four in the afternoon. I knew the press conference would be held by the old Hork Bajir colony, which was less than an hour away from campus. Toby Hamee and a few dozen of her Hork Bajir had stayed behind at their original mountainous forest for that reason, because it was so close to the city. While most of her people had migrated to the reservation in Yellowstone, Toby and her friends new role in government meant she needed quick access to a major government city.

She was a Hork-Bajir worried about her commute to work. The world truly had changed.

"I can probably pick up a snack," I decided.

"Awesome!" He grabbed his backpack and pushed in my chair for me. "I know the perfect snack. Come on, it usually sells out by this time but if we run, we can make it. Lucky for you, I have super cool dining hall connections."

Ben led the way and during our ten minute sprint across campus, I got to know a little bit more about him. He was originally from Canada, even more originally from China, and his family had moved to San Diego when he was in high school. He was just a few months older than me, turning 20 in November while my 20th birthday would be in March. His brother Ken was ten years older, a firefighter and semi-pro football player, and his sister Jen was a star soccer player in high school, the same age as my sister Jordan. His parents were both music teachers and part-time musicians in a wedding band. Ben didn't have any of his family's musical talent or athletic ability. His passion was mathematics and technology.

"I'm the only one in my family to actually follow through with the Asian stereotype." He wagged a finger at me. "But before you make any Asian jokes, you should know that I'm kind of a grandmaster of blonde jokes."

"You're too polite to make any blonde jokes..._eh._"

"Ah, Canadian jokes."

"Don't know what you're talking _aboot_."

"Cute."

We arrived at the dining hall and the moment I stepped inside, the entire cafeteria fell silent. It was as if I flipped a switch. I was relatively accustomed to this, but one glance at Ben made it obvious he was not. He was looking down at his shoes.

"This is weird," he muttered, as everyone stared. I could still feel their eyes on me, but I knew just as many were on Ben. He was blushing.

"I'm sorry. We don't have to stay here," I said quickly, hating myself for being so stupid. This happened everywhere I went. I should have known I was dragging Ben around to suffer it with me. This guy found himself a secret quiet spot in the _library_. He was definitely not the type to like attention.

"No, it's okay."

To our left, I heard someone whisper, _"I know that him. It's Ben, he's in my engineering class."_

Ben would be in the tabloids by this evening.

"This was a mistake." I grabbed his arm. "Come on, we can go - "

"Not til you try the Dirt Cups."

"Dirt what?"

He looked at me and I was surprised to find a small, tentative smile on his face. His head was still low, but he managed to look excited.

"Crushed Oreos, chocolate pudding, and gummi worms."

"That...sounds disgusting."

He seemed moderately offended by that, but led me to the line anyway. I set my chin and pressed my lips into a thin line as a warning to the dining hall. Most people understood and looked away, but that didn't stop the hushed whispers.

The Dirt Cup line was ridiculously long, longer even than the grill and sandwich stations combined. The rack was stocked with nothing but clear plastic cups of what looked like, well, dirt. Each brandished three or four rainbow colored gummi worms, pressed to look like they were squirming out of the cookie and pudding concoction. I made a face.

"Are you kidding me? I thought people in college were supposed to be smart."

"Would you just come on?"

I remembered yesterday, when everyone in the library was quick to help me out, how everyone in all my classes tried to give me something, falling over themselves to talk to me. Not in this line. It looked like some of them might have wanted to let me cut in front of them, but the Dirt Cups had some kind of weird effect on them. These people were more focused on getting Dirt than staring at Ben and I. Soon, people started to focus on their Dirt Cups and the volume picked up again. We were all but forgotten. Ben started to look a little more comfortable.

"I'm gonna be honest, I kind of thought having you here would bump us up closer to the front of the line."

"You are unreal. This is unreal."

"I'm telling you. Dirt Cup Day is serious." He clutched his hands together in anxiety. Actual anxiety. "Can you see how many are left? Do you think there's gonna be enough?"

"I'm still trying to grasp the concept of all you people going nuts about crushed Oreos."

Suddenly, a boy swept over and punched Ben in the shoulder. He grimaced and shoved him away.

"Ow, dick."

"Hey, Ben." The guy took another playful shot, but Ben managed to reach and get an arm around his neck and trap him in a headlock. The guy looked at me cautiously from Ben's armpit. "Oh, um, hi."

"Rachel, this is my roommate, Gary."

I nodded, amused. "Nice to meet you... Wait, you mean _name tag_ Gary?"

Ben released Gary, who straightened and pulled off a hairnet to run a hand through his shaggy brown hair. He was shorter than me and chubby, with slightly grease-streaked glasses. I noted he was wearing a dirty apron and plastic gloves.

"We both work for campus dining services," Ben explained. "We do rotating shifts at all campus dining halls, coffee kiosks, school carnivals and other events."

Gary nodded. "You come for some Dirt?"

"Even have to ask?"

Gary ducked away and returned a minute later with two cups of the holy Dirt. "I told Harvey at the register to let you guys cut in front of the line so you can just pay."

"You didn't have to - " I started to say.

"Anything for a space princess!" Gary grinned at Ben, who blushed and whacked his shoulder.

"Sorry. He's gonna be that embarrassing Uncle that nobody wants to talk about when he grows up."

Harvey rang us up, but not before boldly asking me for an autograph. It seemed only fair, since he let me cut the line. But after that, a whole bunch of other students started to come over, asking me to sign random things. An empty plate, a napkin, a banana peel. Ben had to wedge himself in between me and a guy trying to get me to sign his chest before we finally got to sit. Not to protect me, but to prevent me from lashing out. He saw I was getting annoyed.

But that didn't stop an old man with a mop from asking me to autograph it. I clenched my fists.

"Do you want to go now?" Ben asked finally. "My dorm is that building out there."

"Yes, please."

We picked up our untouched Dirt Cups and rushed out the door. Ben guided me into North Hall, past a group of students chattering excitedly about, of course, Dirt Cup Day.

He lived on the third floor, room 323. When he opened it up, I was greeted by the dorkiest room I had ever seen. There were two beds against either wall. One was surrounded by posters of Japanese cartoons, giant robots, busty women, and what looked like a huge wooden sword with a blade made of thin bamboo stalks.

I looked at Ben.

"That's a _Shinai_," Ben said sheepishly. "You know, a kendo stick. It's a, uh, Japanese weapon. Gary's really into all that stuff."

"You seem to know a lot about it too," I snorted.

"I just absorb it off him unwillingly!" He said defensively. Ben's side was only little less hilarious. There were Jurassic Park and Star Wars posters, along with some others with sayings that I didn't understand, but Ben explained they were math and engineering jokes. A "Periodic Table of Awesome" hung over his desk, where I saw he had an extensive collection DVD's. I started to peruse them I realized no, they were all actually video games.

"So you're a gamer?" I recognized the Playstation 2 hooked up to his computer monitor. Under his desk, his computer tower was massive, glowing blue with what looked like green and white neon tubes inside.

"Guilty."

"That's some hardcore nerd-puter you've got under there," I laughed. "Let me guess, you built it?"

"Guilty again," Ben said proudly.

"That's really, really cool." In my head, I couldn't help but think _"for a human"_. Marco would be impressed, but I wondered what Ax would say about it.

Refocusing, I noticed an open video game box on top of the computer and picked it up.

"Half-Life 2?"

"Oh yeah, it just came out and I already beat it last week. It's literally my favorite game ever. The original Half-Life came out in like, 1998, so this sequel was a long time coming. I hope we don't have to wait that long for Half-Life 3!"

I actually sort of enjoyed his dork-babbling. People always seemed at their most endearing when talking excitedly about something they loved. When Tobias found the perfect thermal, it was like -

I coughed and looked at the game box again.

"Is he holding a crow bar?"

"Yeah, that's one of his weapons. Gordon Freeman has guns and stuff too, but those require ammo. There's actually an entire level where there's like no ammo around and its terrifying because he has to rely on his smarts, setting traps and yeah, swinging that crowbar around. See, it's about these aliens, these, headcrabs. They're kinda like inter-dimensional aliens that latch onto a person's head and...control...them..." He trailed off. "...Annnd I'm being an idiot."

"Oh, please. It's fine."

"It's not like the Yeerks, or whatever. They're from another dimension, because there was this botched experiment at Black Mesa and...I'm explaining it badly, but basically you shoot and whack at aliens with crow bars."

I raised an eyebrow.

"It's a lot cooler than it sounds."

"Uh-huh."

"I'm a lot cooler than I sound too, I swear." He snickered at that. Ben was a big nerdy loner. Apparently, I had a type.

I shook off the thought. I had barely even known Ben for twenty-four hours. Still, I was already noticing what made Ben someone worth my time. It was the same kind of thing that attracted me to Tobias. He was a private person, obviously. Only instead of wide open skies he preferred small, quiet places, away from other people. Old, dusty library corners and this mancave of a dorm. Ben was kind, gentlemanly in a way that I didn't mind. He'd hold a door open for me, but wasn't pushy with his chivalry. He knew better than to pay for my food or fight my battles with autograph-seeking douche bags.

But that's where Ben's similarity with Tobias ended. Ben was tall, with large hands and feet, but he walked with the confidence of someone who'd lived in his particular body all his life. He had a smile I didn't need to wait for, didn't need to work for, it was just always there. He was unscarred, unbroken by war. His life was nice, his childhood sounded loving, and he had a bright future ahead of him. Ben was our complete opposite, as unlikely a match for me as any one person could be.

Yet it was Ben, not Tobias, that stood there with me, laughing and trying to convince me that eating something that looked like plant food was a good idea.

I patted his arm jokingly. "It's okay, let's stop this here before I start_ really _judging you, and just eat our cups of slop."

Ben chuckled and pulled out his desk chair for me to sit in. Then he plopped down on his bed and handed me a spoon. I looked down at the cup dubiously. It looked like what he had said. Layers of crushed Oreo with chocolate pudding in between and a couple of rainbow gummi worms.

"Bon Appetite!" He declared, digging into his Dirt and groaning in delight. "I fucking _love_ Dirt Cup Day."

I helped myself to a spoonful. My eyes widened.

"Oh..._shit._"

"Right?!"

I shoveled another into my mouth. "It's like, its just the right amount of mushy and crunchy and chocolately. And the gummi worms are perfect. Oh, my _God._"

"_Right?!"_

"When I die, I want my coffin buried in this stuff."

"I think it has actual healing properties, Rachel, I really do."

"Whoa, my vision just got better. I can see leaves on trees now, I can see them all individually!"

"I can hear things from miles away."

"I think I can read minds."

We dissolved into a fit of incoherency, choking on our Dirt as we tried to out-ridiculous each other. I had no idea if the Dirt Cup was actually as delicious as it felt, or if it was just because I was thoroughly enjoying hanging out with Ben, but I was definitely in a good place.

* * *

After Ben ran off to his class, I started to drive up to the Hork-Bajir colony, not particularly in any kind of rush. If I played my cards right, I could miss Toby's press conference and the media completely and just hang out with them after. I had warned Cassie ahead of time that I would be late, but I still felt a little bad about it. Toby was a fellow warrior, she fought alongside us in that last battle and lost her father, Jara Hamee in the Final Battle. She was an Animorph in all ways except the obvious. Her people sheltered us while we were on the run. The Animorphs and the Hork-Bajir had a deep bond, forged in years of war and hardship.

But I just really, really hated reporters.

As I approached the base of the mountain ridge that hid and protected most of the Hork-Bajir colony, I could see trucks and vans lined up nearly a mile from the stage. The roads were teeming with people, cameras, and other equipment. Some people have even driven up in RV's, like they were going to go camping. I was definitely missing most of this thing. With all of the traffic, I couldn't simply drive up to the press conference.

_One does not simply walk into Mordor, as Ben would say._

_Wow, Rachel. _

I hushed the bored internal dialogue with myself and waited for all the cars to move. It was just two lanes going opposite directions, with only forest on either side. I considered for a moment just ditching my car in the trees and morphing into the bald eagle, but I didn't want to randomly leave my car somewhere with all these people around. I definitely did not want to end up in another key - tree branch - skunk situation again.

Again, long story.

The traffic was really taking forever. I could hear impatient honking in the distance. Someone dared to beep behind me and I shoved my middle finger out the window.

"We're all trapped here too, buddy!" I shouted.

"I'm not trying to go forward, I'm trying to get room to turn around!" The woman behind me yelled.

"Turn around...?"

That's when I noticed the flashing lights ahead of us. Police. Fire trucks. Ambulances. It wasn't just car horns I was hearing, it was sirens. My eyes shot to where I guessed the stage was in the distance. A thin plume of smoke rose from it, and people were running from the scene. People were honking their horns not to get closer like I had thought, but trying to get away. Already, I saw some cars off-roading through the trees, trying to escape.

"What the hell?!" I grabbed my phone. The ringer had been off the entire time, since this morning when I silenced it for class. When I flipped it open, there were three missed calls from Cassie and one from Kono. Cassie had also texted me twice.

_Rachel, stay where you are don't come to the press conference!_

_Something's happened, find somewhere safe._

One voicemail from Kono. I listened frantically.

_"Rach, there was some kind of...I don't know, explosion or something. It was like a - Cassie!? Cassie where are you go - wait! Cassie! What is that - whoa, holy shit - !"_

The message ended abruptly. I tried desperately to call them both back, but it went straight to voicemail on Cassie's phone and I got a busy signal on Kono's. And it wasn't like Toby or Tobias had cell phones.

_"Fuck."_

I swerved off the road, causing some others to cry out in alarm, but I ignored them. I plunged through the woods, nearly sideswiping off one of my mirrors on a tree. I wanted to get deep enough in the woods before morphing. My little Toyota nearly drove itself into a creek, completely splattered in mud, but I didn't care. Ahead, I could see cars plowing madly in the opposite directions through the trees just like I had.

I morphed.

* * *

**Author's Note:** _Half-Life 3 Confirmed._


	4. Changes

**CHAPTER FOUR: Changes**

* * *

High above the trees I could clearly see that half of the relatively small stage they had whipped up was demolished. My eagle eyes saw every bit of debris, even the particles of dust still settling in the air. Chairs and tables had been upturned, and I could see where the press had at one time been been roped off. The guard rails were completely thrown askew and the reporters were all running for their lives from the big fire feeding off of the dry grass and leaves of the forest. From where I was, it looked like there had been not one, but_ two_ explosions. The second fire was consuming what looked like what was once a refreshments table. The platter of pigs in a blanket was going up in flames.

I couldn't see Cassie or the others anywhere.

I swooped down in a panic.

[What's going on?!] I shouted at the closest group of cops I could find. They jumped and in a second, I had half a dozen guns aimed at me as I shot past them. I wheeled around for another pass. [Would you fucking _chill_ with those things?]

"Rachel? Rachel Berenson?"

[No, some _other_ bald eagle.]

"It's Rachel Berenson," one of the cops, a bald man with a mustache, said into his radio strapped to his shoulder. "It's okay, stand down."

[Okay my feathery endangered _ass!_ What the fuck happened here?!]

"There was an attack. Someone planted a bomb under the stage and by the refreshments table. Between ten and fifteen injured. One confirmed death."

[Cassie? Toby? Tobias? What about Mar - Ko - _Kono!_]

I caught sight of her pushing past a group of people. Her small frame was practically hidden among all the bodies and I almost lost her, but she shoved her way out of the throng, holding her phone out as far and high as she could reach. She was trying to catch a signal. I ditched the cops and flew towards her.

[Kono! It's me!]

She dropped her phone, startled. _"Rachel!?"_ I saw her mouth. I couldn't actually hear her voice through all the commotion.

[Are you okay!?]

She nodded, looking around in confusion.

[I'm a bald eagle. I'm flying circles above you. Don't go back in that crowd, you'll get trampled. And pick up your phone, you definitely don't wanna lose that.]

Kono nodded again, this time shielding her eyes with her hand so she could look up. I dipped a little lower and she squinted at me, waving.

[Yeah, that's me. Sorry, can't wave back.]

She made a show of rolling her eyes. Then, she pointed at the mountain, at where I knew the Hork-Bajir colony was hidden.

[The others? They're okay? They went to the colony?]

She gave me a thumbs up, and waggled her cell phone at me.

[They just left you? Oh, wait, duh.] Kono couldn't morph, and she didn't have Hork-Bajir abilities. Two things that were basically required to actually get to the colony. [But at least you're okay. What were you trying to do, call me again?]

She shook her head. In the air, she drew a big "M".

[Huh?]

Kono was talking again but this time I could only understand part of what she was saying. _" - I can't get a good signal - can't find my way out - too many people!"_

[Umm...] I widened my circles and tried to scout a path for her. It was easy to forget how limiting it was to be a human being. At least, a human being that didn't have the option to be anything else. [Okay, I'll get you to where the cars are. It's a wide open space, so you should have decent reception there. Your car is the white Honda with the teddy bear air freshener, right?]

She blinked in surprise._  
_

[Eagle eyes are really, really good,] I explained. [There's a Blythe University sticker in the window and you just seem like a Honda Civic type. Anyway, turn to your left. No not that much. Right. I mean, correct. Just run in a straight line through the forest. Don't give me that look, I can see what kind shoes you're wearing, all right? This isn't ideal for any of us, you know. Good, keep going. Straighten out, you're veering a little too left. In like two minutes you'll get to a sharp ridge. Make a right there. I'm following you, don't worry.]

She jogged, following my instructions while holding her phone out, trying to will signal bars to appear. She wasn't looking much where she was going, apparently deciding to put a lot of trust on me and my eyes.

[Wait, wait, Kono. Stop!]

Kono abruptly stopped running, nearly almost pitching over and I swooped down on a low-hanging tree branch near her. She had almost gone right past it.

A large red eye was sloppily spray-painted on the rocky ridge. At the center of the iris where the pupil should have been, there was the letter "I". The paint was still dripping, still fresh.

We stared. Kono had the presence of mind to snap a picture with the camera on her phone.

"I mean, I guessed it was the Initiative, but at least now we know," she said. "They are definitely not happy with the Hork-Bajir numbers increasing on Earth."

[Well, they are fucking with the wrong crowd,] I growled.

Kono looked at me, worried. "Rachel, the first bomb that went off was right under where Cassie was supposed to be sitting. She wasn't there, thank God, but it was done purposely. Whoever put it there knew the exact seating plan of the event, and targeted her in particular. The Initiative isn't just trying to make a statement about the Hork-Bajir. They're after you guys, too. The Animorphs."

I bristled. [We can handle it.]

"If you say so..." she said hesitantly. "Anyway, I've been trying to call Marco. He got caught up at a charity thing in Santa Monica, so he was going to be late. Even later than you. I've been trying to get a hold of him to turn him around." Kono frowned at her phone. "He's the one that told me it would be fine if I left him there, to help Toby. I just don't want him worrying, he's probably already feeling guilty for sending me here in the first place."

She was probably right. If my suspicions about Marco and Kono were accurate, she was _very_ right.

[That's...thoughtful. Yeah, go call him, tell him we're all fine and to stay home. We'll talk to him later. I'm gonna go to the colony, just go in a straight line from here, okay?]

"All right. Be careful."

[You too. And hey, you're gonna wanna take off those cute shoes. The underbrush is soft after the rain last night so your feet will be okay but this mud will ruin that patent leather toe.]

She gave me a familiar look that she had given all of us at one point or another, a pained expression acknowledging our past hardships running around barefoot in the woods during the war, mixed with awkward amusement that we still had other concerns like ruining a good Nine West sandal.

* * *

I took off to the colony. It was almost entirely dead air the whole way, so it wasn't easy. The Hork-Bajir colony was pretty much where it always had been, settled mostly in a valley ringed by three large mountains. It wasn't a complete secret or anything, but the colony was very hard to get to unless you had a helicopter or the ability to become some kind of animal. Toby lived there with her mate, Nerf, and about two dozen of her closest family, friends, and other Hork-Bajir - co-workers, I guess. The rest of the Hork-Bajir were largely concentrated in Yosemite and a small portion of Canadian wilderness in the Northern Territories. Part of Cassie and Ronnie's job was to expand their land there.

In the valley were a few makeshift huts, remnants from when my family and the families of the other Animorphs had to hide out there. The difference now being that they were a little more solid and waterproof, furnished with basic chairs, a computer, and limited cellular and internet service. The Animorphs paid a shit-ton of money to get the Hork-Bajir wired up so Toby could handle her business without having to trek to the city every single day, and Cassie, Ronnie, and Tobias could do some work there too. We even got Ax to send one of his Andalite buddies to safeguard their system so it would be un-hackable by any human for about a century. Of course, most of this was largely unused by anyone other than us and Toby. The Hork-Bajir didn't need shelter and technology was a little too over their heads.

After many very long minutes of huffing and puffing, I finally heard a thought-speak voice in my head other than my own cursing and whining.

[Either Rachel is here, or that's some other bald eagle battling a deadwind trying to get to us.]

[Hah. Hah.] Even my sarcastic thought-speak laugh seemed to be coming out in wheezes.

It was Tobias. My heart started to race. I scanned the valley and easily found him perched in a tree by the tallest of the Hork-Bajir huts. Cassie was inside, with Toby and Nerf. The other Hork-Bajir were just outside. It was a rare thing to see, Hork-Bajir didn't generally herd together like that in open spaces. Usually, they were in the trees. But I could guess what they were huddling together about, whispering to each other in hushed Hork-Bajir voices.

[Yeah, no thermals around here today. Cassie and I actually just morphed Hork-Bajir to make it into the valley. Toby convinced us, since she was having absolutely no problem hopping around and climbing trees. It's like she isn't even pregnant.]

I was vaguely annoyed for not thinking of that.

Once I cleared the mountaintop, I relaxed myself into a sloppy dive, not caring about the loose spiral and the mussed state of my feathers. There once was a time that Tobias and I would rate each others dives like in the Olympics, making fun of each other's scores, style, and technique. This particular dive was maybe a two out of ten, points off for the wide spiral and poor tail feather angle. My initiation technique was also completely off and feather adjustments were out of sync. Definitely a two.

We didn't do that anymore, and I wondered if his absence of critique was as deafening to him as it was to me. I managed to right myself as Nerf came out of the hut. Tobias must have announced my arrival to the others, and Nerf was being ever the gentleman. He held out his arm for me and I stuck the landing perfectly. Maybe that would have gotten me at least a three.

[Thanks, buddy.]

"Hello, Rachel!" Nerf said, weirdly cheerful despite the fact that someone had tried to blow up his wife. Toby's husband, or mate or whatever, was the sweetest creature I had ever met. All the Hork-Bajir had that simple-minded kindness, but Nerf seemed to be the nicest of them all. He doted on Toby, especially now that she was having their child, and he loved playing host to any sort of company that managed to make it to their home. Toby had even taught him a few human customs, to make the rest of us comfortable on visits.

"Welcome! Rachel hungry? Cassie has small meat biscuit for human Rachel or Tobias can have mouse for bird Rachel. Maybe Hork-Bajir bark!"

[I think she's going to pass on the mouse and the bark, Nerf.] Tobias chuckled.

"Tobias not mean it," Nerf huffed. "Sorry to Rachel, Tobias not always rude. Hork-Bajir not teach him this. Hork-Bajir never rude."

[It's fine, Nerf, I know Tobias didn't mean to be rude,] I smirked inwardly. [You're very kind, but the uh, meat biscuits sound more appetizing. Somehow.]

Since our break-up, Tobias and I rarely ever spoke or saw each other. When we did, it was usually in the presence of Cassie and there was an unspoken agreement between us that we would be more than just civil. We would go out of our way and fight down any and all feelings to act like we were still friends. Neither of us wanted Cassie worrying, and we didn't want to make a scene in front of any of the Hork-Bajir, so we handled it best we could. It was a struggle to pretend that every word we said to each other wasn't dripping heavily with betrayal, hurt, anger, and maybe a little bit of longing, but we handled it.

[Pigs in a blanket,] Tobias informed me. [Cassie grabbed a plate to take up with us. We know you love those things.]

[Oh.]

Even that exchange hurt. Even light-hearted ribbing between "friends" was a trial. I almost wanted to stay in my eagle form, to hide how hard it was to talk to him. The expression of a raptor showed nothing. But Nerf gently set me down in the grass, believing that I wanted to demorph. I did, and was quickly surrounded by Hork-Bajir that were pleased to see me. They all waved, which was their greeting for humans since hugs were pretty difficult with them. They asked if I was okay, commented on how long it's been since my last visit, and asked me if I if my little human body was cold.

It was like being hospitable was their biggest concern now, not the terrorist organization out to drive their people from the planet.

"Rachel want good bark? This bark very good."

"Very fresh, just from today, from big tree!"

"Bark not for humans," Nerf corrected them. He beamed, proud of being so knowledgable about human food. "Rachel human. She eat meat biscuit. Or if bird, Rachel eat mouse. Only Hork-Bajir Rachel eat bark."

The other Hork-Bajir looked puzzled, as they always did when we had this conversation. It was a difficult concept for them to grasp, but at least it had clearly taken their minds off the bombing, and it took my mind off Tobias. They were now trying to figure out how to prepare human food for the next time we all stopped by.

I was grinning by the time they let me into the hut. The Hork-Bajir were innocents in all this. They were adorable and good, and it was infuriating that not everyone saw them that way.

Inside, Cassie was sitting at the computer with Toby leaning over her shoulder, reading the screen. Of course, Tobias could see the just fine from his perch outside.

"So, you guys look okay," I said conversationally, grabbing a folding chair for myself. "All your limbs still attached."

"Hello, Rachel," Toby greeted. "I'm glad to see you're well.

"I'm more glad to see _you_ well." Like with the other Hork-Bajir, hugging or whatever was not exactly an option, but she gripped me up to my elbow and I gripped her around the middle of her forearm. We squeezed, a simple handshake that Toby was still in the process of trying to teach the others. According to her, when the others tried the handshake, they got a little too over-enthusiastic and ran the danger of "accidental decapitation".

I took a good look at her and Toby gently rubbed at her belly, which already looked swollen with her baby despite being so early along in the pregnancy. I guessed Hork-Bajir gestations were a lot shorter than human ones.

Toby grinned. "I'm okay. We all are."

"Well, congratulations," I looked back at Nerf, who was also smiling widely. "Sorry your parade got rained on."

"Thank you."

Cassie looked at me grimly.

"They forced us to leave, since it was clear we were the targets. They wouldn't even let us help, so we've just been trapped up here reading news reports on the computer. You probably know as much as we do," she said. "Did you manage to find Kono? I was worried about leaving her but we had to get Toby and Nerf out of there, and she was trying to call you and Marco to get you to stay away. Our cell phones weren't working very well. No service."

I nodded. "She's headed to Marco's now. She's fine. But you'll never guess what we found - "

[The Initiative,] Tobias guessed.

"Oh, well, yeah," I said, surprised. "How did you...?"

Cassie pointed at the computer screen. It was a breaking news report about the bombing, and at the very top under the headline was a picture of the Initiative symbol Kono and I had found on the mountain ridge.

_This afternoon was supposed to be a celebration of life, where Toby Hamee was to announce her pregnancy with the next generation of free Hork-Bajir. Instead, the joyous press conference ended in terror as two explosions shocked the crowd, one demolishing half the stage and the other tearing through the audience. _

_Early reports show a scene of destruction, with people fleeing in every direction. At least twenty people have been transported to Downtown Medical Center with life-threatening injuries, with one reported dead on arrival. Another body was found in the debris. There has been no official statement as of yet, but eye-witness accounts have confirmed evidence of terrorism. The above photo was allegedly taken just outside of the forest clearing where the press conference was held. The symbol is said to be the mark of anti-alien terrorist organization The Initiative, and has been left at the scenes of other alien-directed crimes._

_Toby Hamee, her mate, Nerf, and Animorphs Cassie Heyward and Tobias Anders were unharmed and immediately evacuated from the scene by authorities. Other local Animorphs Marco Lanza and Rachel Berenson were scheduled to appear at a later time due to previous engagements and were not present at the time of the explosions._

_There have been no arrests. _

_Story developing..._

"This is bad. Really bad," she fretted, closing out of the news article. "This is the most serious thing they have ever pulled off. _Two_ people died and a bunch of people are in the hospital. Other news stories are saying they think this is the first of a big push. There could be more incidents, probably getting worse each time."

"They're picking the wrong fight," I snarled, my blood boiling in my veins. I could feel the heat in my face. "Did they already forget we fought back an alien invasion when we were kids? We are going to _annihilate_ them."

"Rachel," Cassie warned.

"They killed two people! They tried to kill a pregnant Hork-Bajir!" I cried. "Those motherfuckers are in some deep shit. When I find out who did this - "

[Rachel, calm down,] Tobias interrupted.

"Calm down?!" I rounded on him, bristling. "They think they can even _touch_ us?"

"They could have easily gotten us this time," Cassie pointed out fairly. "It was just by chance I wasn't sitting where the first bomb was at the time. I'm just saying, we have to be careful. We have to be smart. They seem to be. No suspects, no arrests."

I tried to slow my breathing, tried to will the dark red edges from my vision. People were dead. They tried to kill my friends. Both things that happened tons with the yeerks, but humankind hadn't asked for that. It was humankind doing this, wanting to start different war.

The others couldn't see me like this. They couldn't know I still got like this. But I was angry, and I had an enemy. This was my natural reaction.

"Why...weren't you sitting?" I said slowly, through clenched teeth. "In your spot, I mean."

"One of the reporters said it would be a good idea for me to join Toby on stage," Cassie said, looking at me worriedly. "It seemed like a good idea, you know, showing Animorph support. It was also lucky that were were on the other side of the stage, so we weren't hurt too badly by the second explosion. Those poor people, though..."

[We couldn't have done anything, Cassie,] Tobias said. [It all happened so fast, there weren't any visible enemies. There was nothing we could do.]

"I know, but still. I can't help but feel a little bit responsible. We're the ones that gathered everyone there," she sighed. "We made everyone sitting ducks. There was security, but...how could they have missed explosives?"

"I should have agreed to holding the press conference indoors," Toby said sadly. "I always felt more comfortable outside, out here, but it would have been easier for human security to sweep the grounds if it were inside."

[This isn't on you either, Toby.]

I frowned. "The fact that they planted one of them right where you were sitting, Cassie, they're after us now too. Not just the Hork-Bajir."

"I know."

"Marco's gonna have to fill Jake in on this stuff," I said wearily. The rage was starting to ebb and I suddenly felt very tired. It wasn't as all-consuming anymore, but I could feel it almost like electricity at my fingertips. "He should watch his ass over in Hawaii too, just in case."

"Take care of each other," Toby agreed.

"Yeah." I turned to her and Nerf. "Are you guys going to be okay?"

"What, do you want to send a few humans to protect us?"

"Point taken." A couple dozen Hork-Bajir could defend themselves from three times that many armed humans. They were arboreal by nature, literally jumping from tree to tree soaring like monkeys, and so quiet up there that they wouldn't be seen unless they wanted to be. As long as they stuck together in their colony, they were safe from The Initiative or whoever wanted to harm them. They could take care of themselves. It was during those rare moments when Toby and her select few companions came out to address the media, out of their habitat and into the dangerous world of humans, that they were in danger.

"We should probably just head home," Cassie sighed. "I'm still kind of rattled by all this, but I think we'll be safe there. No cameras or reporters or anything, they wouldn't bother wasting their resources on coming after us at our private home, would they?"

"Even if they did, we've dealt with way worse." I shrugged.

Cassie looked up at Tobias. "You _sure_ you'll be okay by yourself in your meadow?"

[Yeah, I'll be fine. Like Rachel said, we've had way worse.]

"Tobias stay here with Hork-Bajir," Nerf chimed in. "Nerf and Toby love friends. Many mouse here to eat."

[Thanks, Nerf.]

"And we help Tobias female come here if she want to see you!"

For a moment I thought he was talking about me. I looked at Cassie, alarmed, but she wasn't looking back at me. She was starting at Tobias. It was then that I realized what Nerf had meant.

Toby hastily tried to hush her mate. "Nerf, do not - "

But Nerf was extremely proud of his idea. He shook his head, smiling.

"It no trouble for Nerf."

"No, _kalashi_, do not talk about - "

"Tobias fly to Hork-Bajir easy and Nerf carry red hair female, no trouble! Toby know female human cannot walk mountain. Human legs very weak, but also easy to carry. If Nerf carry, very easy!"

The silence that followed was as dense as fog.

_Red hair female._

Nerf looked confused. "What? It bad idea?"

"No, no, of course not," Cassie said weakly. "It's...a fantastic idea. Very helpful. Thank you, Nerf."

"Nerf happy to! Always!"

"_Kalashi_," Toby said, forcing up warm smile. "Can you...uh... _hifrash kil marnard?_"

Nerf delicately put a hand on his mate's belly.

"Yes, always." He politely turned to each of us. "Bye, friends. Toby and _kawatnoj_ hungry. Want to eat bark. Nerf go to get. Everybody stay good!"

He left, completely oblivious to what he had just done. I was frozen, my mouth dry. Cassie and Toby looked at me. I knew Tobias was looking at me too, but I had no idea what expression was on my face. I could not think of a single thing to say.

[She's just a friend,] Tobias said quickly. [One of the reporters. You've actually met her, Cassie.]

"Oh, Heather?" Cassie smiled, an act of betrayal that stabbed me right in the chest. She must have realized this because she forced it off her face abruptly, casting me an apologetic look. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place, wanting to support both me and Tobias, and didn't know what to do. "She was the one who convinced me to get out of my seat and on stage with Toby. Friendly, you know. Uh...very toned down and not as pushy as other journalists."

Toby was just standing there, silently mortified at what her poor mate had started. Even on her Hork-Bajir face I could see that she felt guilty. Unlike Nerf, Toby was a Seer. She understood things that the other Hork-Bajir couldn't. I wanted to tell her it was okay, that I was fine and it wasn't Nerf's fault, but no sound was coming out of my mouth.

"I'm so sorry," Toby gushed. "Nerf doesn't realize. All he knows is that Tobias and Heather are together a lot and he just thinks - "

[We're not 'together' a lot!] Tobias said hastily. [We just hang out. Go over some stuff. She's probably going to write a story on me or something, I don't know.]

Tobias never opened up to the press. Ever. This made my mouth go even drier. He was not meeting up with her just for professional reasons.

"Of course," Toby said. She was looking at us both apologetically. "Still, I'm sorry. Nerf never meant - I mean - "

"Toby, it's fine," I could hear the monotone in my voice as I said it, but it took all the energy I had left just to finally speak.

Cassie tried a change of subject. "Anyway, I think we'll all be fine. I doubt the Initiative will attack again so soon after this event. They got the publicity they needed and this will be on everyone's minds for a long time. I imagine they would channel all their limited resources into sabotaging public events like this one rather than come after us individually in the privacy of our own homes or whatever. They know what we've been up against, and they know what we can do. They have to be more strategic than just, like, trying to break into Marco's mansion, right?"

[Right,] Tobias agreed quietly.

I barely heard any of it. I brushed off my morphing suit slowly.

[It's not what you're thinking, Rachel.] I could tell Tobias was speaking only to me. Desperately. Cassie and Toby hadn't heard and weren't reacting. [We're just friends, going over some business.]

I didn't respond to him. Instead, I spoke to everyone else.

"I'm glad you're all right. Toby, I want to congratulate you again. I'm happy for you and Nerf, this is really exciting."

"I...thank you."

I nodded. "I wish I could stay a little longer, but I have to go. I have an early morning and a long day at school tomorrow. Plus, I parked kinda far from here and have to get my car before the media circus comes after us."

Cassie got up quickly. "I'll go with you."

"Don't you have to get your own car?"

"That'll take me forever. It's blocked in by all the other vehicles, and I know there are a bunch of reporters and cops hanging back trying to get statements off me there, too."

"So you're just going to leave it behind?"

Cassie was staring at me, trying to read me. I was giving her nothing. I had nothing. The darkness that had started to fill my body just minutes before had drained completely, and now I was empty.

"I...guess not," she relented, deciding to leave me alone.

[Rachel...] Tobias tried again.

But I was already leaving.


	5. Join a Club

**CHAPTER FIVE: Join a Club**

* * *

"My Friday schedule sucks," I complained. It was seven-thirty in the morning and I had swung into the mostly empty library to grab the largest container of coffee legally allowed a human being. Ben was there, starting to set up the coffee kiosk. He hadn't put on his green apron yet, so I could see his red The Flash t-shirt. I wondered vaguely just how many superhero shirts he had.

He dropped a sack of coffee beans on the counter and looked at me, amused.

"That's the first thing you're going to say? After you and your friends were nearly blown up yesterday?" He snatched the schedule I was waving around and took a look at it. "But wow, yeah, this does suck."

"That's what I said!"

He handed it back to me. "Seriously, are you okay? I was watching the news all night. People actually died! Thank God you guys and the pregnant Hork-Bajir got out of there!"

"It's not really something I feel like talking about," I said. Understatement.

After leaving the others, I had powered my way over the mountain and, when I was sure I was out of Tobias's view, dropped into a stupid, reckless dive. It was the act of a madwoman, nearly breaking my entire body against the jagged rocks below, but the adrenaline was only just barely enough for me to make it back to my car. There was no way I was getting through the rest of the night without some kind of insane high.

I hadn't even made it halfway home before I was shaking again. The dive wasn't enough. I needed to fight, to kill, to rid myself of the explosive anger that was tearing me apart inside. I was crazy, squeezing my steering wheel so hard I cut grooves into the leather with my nails. My thumb slammed the hazard button and I pulled over at the side of the road just to scream. I would have morphed grizzly and gone back into the woods, my place of escape and shame, if my mother hadn't called just then on my cell phone.

Ben frowned at me, hesitating. "They...they're saying this terrorist group or whatever, the Initiative, is a growing threat. They're not just some measly gang of losers, the FBI is involved now. This could be just one part of a whole big thing."

"Are you telling me this because you think I don't realize?" I asked sharply. He looked stung and I felt a little bad, but it all sounded especially inappropriate coming from Ben. He was an innocent. He shouldn't have to talk about anything like this.

"I'm just - "

"I know what you're _just_," I snapped, then tried again, more calmly "I've been dealing with it. We'll be fine. Trust me, we have all been through worse. Your concern is...appreciated, though."

Ben looked doubtful. "If you say so. I'm sorry, by the way. I didn't know the press conference was happening until the end of the day when I got to my dorm. I wouldn't have taken you to the dining hall if I knew you had obligations someplace else."

"Don't worry about it. Technically, those Dirt Cups of yours may have saved my life. I missed the press conference completely and wasn't there for the attack." I shrugged. "Anyway, I hate media events."

The shadow of one of his bright smiles was starting to appear. "Not a big fan of reporters? Never would have guessed."

"Oh, you have no idea."

Thankfully, it looked like he was going to let it go. I'd had more than enough of this conversation. My mother had been frantic on the phone, yelling at me for not calling her the first minute I could. Lately I made sure to call her once a week, on Sundays, just to make sure she and my little sisters were doing okay or if they needed anything. It was never a long conversation, since my mother and I weren't exactly close. We never really were, even when I was little. She did care, though, whether or not I was blown up. Still, I felt a little guilty that she hadn't been on my mind at all, so I let her gush about the whole thing. About how I have to be careful, blah, blah. It cooled me off at least, so I could make it home without murdering some woodland creature or whatever.

Then Cassie had gone on and on about it when she got home, probably because she wanted to avoid anything that might lead us to talking about Tobias and Heather. Then Marco Skyped us at like midnight and didn't shut up until Cassie noticed I had fallen asleep on the couch. Then Kono called us because she couldn't sleep and wanted to talk about it_ again. _

It was beyond frustrating, to be attacked and have absolutely no plan of retaliation. I wanted to hunt the bastards down and nail them to a wall. In the old days, we would have at least teamed up and formed some kind of plan. Now, all we did was talked. Talk, "be careful", and "let the FBI handle it". It wasn't like I was dying to plunge headfirst into a new war. Not exactly. I just wanted to _do_ something.

But at least Ben knew when to let up. Or at least, wait for a better time.

"Well, you better take this." He handed me an extra large cup of coffee. "Because you're about to add the 12-hour school day to your Hate List."

I had a full load of classes, spread out just enough to be annoying. My day wouldn't end until 7 or 8 in the evening. I had managed to avoid a murderous rampage in the forest last night, I wasn't sure if I would get through the day.

I grabbed the schedule and shoved it back into my bag. "On Fridays, of all days!"

"That was such a freshman mistake."

"I am a freshman."

"Well, it's too late to change it," Ben said, smiling sympathetically. "I'll have another coffee ready for you in two hours, after your American Lit class, okay? You'll make it, don't worry."

I thanked him, and even though I turned to leave I knew he was watching me, concerned.

By early afternoon I realized that no, I might not actually make it. Even Ben's second cup of coffee didn't do the trick. My Friday classes were so long because they were mostly lectures, excruciatingly boring lectures where the professors droned on and on in front of a powerpoint presentation at a hundred sleeping students. The twenty minute break in Bio did nothing to ease the pain of a three-hour lecture on fungi.

I thought about wandering back to the coffee kiosk, but I knew it would be crowded for the lunchtime rush. I wasn't even sure Ben was still going to be there, since I hadn't asked him about his Friday schedule. But anyway, I felt like seeing him three times in one day was starting to be a little much.

Thankfully, just as I was about to wallow in my loneliness, I got a text from Kono, who was in between classes and wanted to know if I could do a late lunch. We met up at the North dining hall, since thanks to Dirt Cup Day I knew where it was, and picked up a pair of soggy grilled cheese sandwiches. It was refreshing to see her. Everyone in the dining hall was staring at me, as expected, but Kono was used to it, because of her job with Marco. She knew how to force people to make space, how to politely keep her cool when telling people I wouldn't be doing autographs today. She even knew how to hold me back when it looked like I was about to lose it.

It was as close to hanging out with an Animorph as you could get without actually being with one of the others.

"How are you doing?"

Instead of answering, I handed her the copy of my Friday schedule.

"That was such a freshman mistake," Kono laughed.

"I've heard."

She put it down and watched me take a bite out my sandwich before continuing.

"I meant about yesterday, how are you doing?"

I shrugged. "Technically, I wasn't even there. You were. How are _you_ doing?"

"Oh. I'm fine, of course. Me and my shoes made it out of the forest just fine, and I finally got some sleep after I talking to you guys last night."

I took a couple more bites out of my sandwich in silence as Kono struggled with how to steer the conversation into whatever it was she really wanted to talk about. She never seemed calculating or manipulative in a sinister way, it was just her greatest talent. Not that she would ever use her gift against any of us, or negatively at all. I just knew that at any given moment she was trying to get someone around her to do something else.

In this case, I was pretty sure she had heard about Tobias and Heather, or at least guessed something about it after having met her yesterday. Kono knew all about Tobias and I.

"My only advice for your awful Fridays is that Professor Hotchkins puts his Econ powerpoints online and his class is always at least 250 people, so if you wanted to skip one, that's it. Also, you're going to need a lot of coffee."

"I wish that was my last class, so I could just go home early," I sighed.

"Let me have a look at your registration before you submit next semester," she offered. "Maybe we can take a class together. I need one last elective and most of those are open to freshmen. You could use the wisdom of a graduating senior."

"Can't believe you're abandoning me here in May."

"Yeah, you're going to have to make actual friends next year," she teased good-naturedly.

"Ugh."

"I don't see how you could even have trouble with that sort of thing," Kono mused. "You're so great. Not to mention so hot even I wouldn't kick you out of bed."

She was flattering me. There was definitely a reason for that.

"Do you not remember how we first met?"

"Since when is 'headstrong' a bad quality?"

"When you first met me I was kicking a photographer in the kneecaps."

"He deserved it. Although maybe next time maybe you can avoid the kneecap violence and stick with the classics, like throwing your coffee at him."

I snorted. "Right."

"Maybe join a club? If you have any interest in politics at all, I'm an active member of a few..." She trailed off at my expression. "...Okay, dumb suggestion. But it helps to figure out what you're interested in, and then find a group of like-minded people."

"I don't know what I'm interested in."

"Well, I suppose it's hard to think about now, but what about before the war? I know it seems like ages ago, but what did you like doing back then?"

It was actually really easy to recall. Gymnastics. Shopping. Fashion. Secretly enjoying reality television and pop music. The problem was that none of those things were me anymore. Not really. That girl was gone.

"I don't think I'm that Rachel anymore."

She nodded at me supportively. "Well, you're still _some_ kind of Rachel. Off the top of my head I already know you like excitement, fashion, coffee..."

I blinked. That was the third time she had mentioned coffee in as many minutes. "Um. I'm into fashion, I guess?"

"I knew it. You're such a sharp dresser," Kono gushed. "America's noticed as well, they run stories on your look at every press event. Even if it's not something you want to pursue, it's at least a starting point. We have a fashion club. There's a fashion _major._ You could even just take some art classes next semester. Eventually you'll find a college life sort of building itself around you. That's how it was for me."

"I'll keep that in mind," I said, trying to at least sound a little inspired. Kono was trying to help me, even though as far as I knew, I was beyond helping at this kind of thing.

Noting my discouragement, Kono shrugged.

"Or, you know, serendipity can happen. You could meet someone in as innocuous a place as a coffee kiosk and suddenly have a friend."

I glowered at her. So that's what she had been trying to herd this conversation.

"Oh. Subtle."

"You weren't biting, and you obviously already knew I'm fishing for something," Kono said sheepishly. "It's hard to route your answers. Sure you're not interested in politics?"

"You saw me with Ben this morning?" I asked bluntly. It had to have been this morning, otherwise she would have pounced on me much earlier.

"He's really cute," Kono winked. "And he's super into you. After you left the other day he was all - "

"Wait," I interrupted. "You saw us on _Wednesday?_"

"Uhh..."

She saw her slip-up. There was no way that she could have seen me talking to a strange boy two whole days ago without jumping on me and asking me a ton of questions. That was just how Kono was. Unless... she had been ordered to keep quiet, maybe even asked to keep an eye on us. Someone was holding her back, so I wouldn't find out I was being watched.

"You _creeper__!_ Are you snooping on me for Marco?!"

"The word 'snooping' is so - "

" - _a__ccurate?_"

Kono at least had the decency to look embarrassed.

Marco, of all people. I already knew he pitied me. And I've known for years that he carried around a lot of guilt from our last mission as Animorphs, as all of the others did. It was Jake who had made the final order, asked me to go after Tom and basically sacrifice my life in the process, but everyone else had gone along. To some extent, they all agreed that it was something only I could do, and it was something I should do.

They never told me, but I knew my friends well enough to know how it went down after Jake broke the news to them. While I sped away, alone on the Blade Ship, he must have gathered the others around him and told them what I was doing. That I most likely wasn't going to make it back. Cassie and Tobias would have protested. Cassie would have also felt sorry for Jake. Tobias would have hated Jake's guts. Ax wouldn't have said anything either way, but went along with a heavy heart.

But Marco, no one had to tell me. I knew Marco liked to keep things simple. Point A to Point B. My part in the final mission was essential, and I was the only one who could do it. Cold, hard facts that Marco agreed with. He had no qualms about sending me off to my death. He loved Earth too much, more than he cared for me.

I never blamed him. It was smart. It was actually the exact same attitude Jake and I both had going in. But I knew part of the reason Marco was so interested in my well-being now was that guilt.

Still, fuck Marco and his guilt. He could get me all the laptops and invite me to all the parties in the world, but my life was absolutely no one's business. Least of all his. I wasn't going to let him be my dad just because he felt bad about a good decision.

"He's looking out for you. They just want to make sure you're doing okay."

_"They?"_

Kono buried her face in her hands.

"Jesus. Cassie too?!"

"Rachel, please don't get mad," she pleaded. "Since your break up with Tobias they think you've been getting more and more distant. Like, not quite yourself. And especially now with all this Initiative stuff starting and this Heather girl - "

"How do you even know about her, anyway? Cassie?"

"I, uh, well I was at the press conference. I saw them, you know. Talking and whatever."

They were all talking about me. My friends were all talking about me behind my back.

"What the _fuck,_ Kono. I can handle the Initiative. I can handle Tobias, even if he was seeing someone! I'm an_ adult._ You people are _ridiculous._"

"We're your friends! We care!"

I didn't say anything, only glared.

"Come on, don't be mad." She stuck out her bottom lip. "Say something?"

"Why? So you can run off and tell Marco and Cassie?"

"Rachel..."

I got up and yanked my tray off the table. I was getting angry, and as much as I despised Kono for spying on me, for lying to me, I still considered her a friend and I did not want to accidentally deck her in the nose. I had to leave.

"Rachel!"

I dumped the tray and walked out of the dining hall, not caring that maybe fifty people were staring after me.

* * *

I slammed the door as I entered the house.

Cassie was already there. She had ordered a pizza for dinner and was cutting cleanly through the crusts. She hated pulling apart slices by hand, unless they were cut through enough to tear neatly.

"How was class?" She asked calmly.

I had cooled down a bit over the course of the afternoon, successfully resisting the urge to escape into my eagle morph and dive-bomb a couple falcons for relief. I was still plenty mad, though.

"Why don't you ask Kono?" I snarled, grabbing a slice without waiting for her to cut it free and flopping into a chair. She cringed at that. "Or have you already?"

Cassie sighed, confirming that she had been warned ahead of time. "We just wanted to know more about Ben, that's all. Other than Kono, you never talk to anyone outside of us and your family anymore. This guy must be really special if he cracked your shell."

"So ask me about him," I dared her, through a mouth full of pizza.

"You got really evasive and a little cranky last time I tried."

"Because I knew you'd make a big deal about it. Which you are."

"I'm your best friend, I just want to talk about boys. This is completely normal best friend behavior," Cassie reasoned. "At least, I think it is. Normal best friend behavior isn't exactly our slogan."

She made a decent point. We were never normal best friends, never mind the fact that we were polar opposites in every aspect of our personalities. We couldn't even do what girlfriends usually did - talk about boys. She had been obsessed with my cousin. And I was into a bird. I realized for the first time in our lives, Cassie and I were talking about boys who were normal. Our conversations didn't have to involve the words "unholy terror" anymore.

"So you've been spying on me since I started going to school."

"Maybe...a little...before that…"

"_Cassie."_

"Our lives are stressful. Even when big things happen, it only takes a little thing to push us over the edge."

"What are you even - ?"

"Look, don't try to pretend you weren't shaken when we learned about Tobias and Heather yesterday," she said, not even trying to skirt around it anymore. "Whether or not he's actually dating her, that's their business. What really matters is he's making friends, starting to let go of the past. He's starting to move on and - I know, I know it hurts, Rachel - "

I didn't even realize I was wincing. She sat down next to me and took the pizza from my hand. I had been squeezing it so hard, the cheese and grease was dripping out the back.

" - but he's doing the right thing and we just want to know that you're doing well too, Okay? This would all be so much easier if you just _opened up_ to us."

"You guys are such nosy little - "

"Because we_ care_," Cassie said, almost fiercely. "Just talk to us."

"None of this matters," I insisted indignantly. "The Initiative, all those people who were hurt, those people who died. _They_ matter."

"Very much so," Cassie agreed. "But that doesn't mean you don't. The Initiative and all that, that's not on us anymore. You don't get to hide from your problems by taking on new problems you don't need to worry about."

"_Don't need to worry about?!_ They're targeting _us_."

"And the FBI is doing their job. Let them do their job. We don't need to save the day anymore, the Initiative are just regular humans. Regular humans can take care of them."

I glared at her. My face had pretty much been frozen this way for more than twenty four hours, but to my surprise, she glared right back. I didn't want to admit she was right, that maybe it wasn't my place to chase down the bad guys anymore. Then what was?

It was easier to concede that I had been a crappy friend to her, and maybe I could do with opening up a little more.

"I told you Ben's the coffee boy. He's a junior engineering major. He wears the wrong name tag at work sometimes because he's lazy when he does stuff he hates. He's kind of a loner. He's a dork. He's Canadian."

Cassie smiled. "See? Was that so hard?"

"Jerk."

"Honestly, he sounds like someone you would like."

I gave her a look warning her to tread lightly. "I think he could be a nice friend."

"Yes. Of course." She took out her phone and started sorting through her messages. "I heard he was _cute._"

"He's...all right."

She found the text she was looking for and read it aloud._ "Cassie, o-m-g. Rachel's guy is ridiculously cute. It's the coffee guy, and he's got this rich, deep voice that - "_

"I'm going to _kill _Kono." I reached over to grab Cassie's phone and delete the text, but she twisted away, laughing.

"It's just really, really good to hear you have a college buddy. That's all," Cassie said, giving me back my pizza. I started to rearrange the cheese on top as she spoke. "We've been worried for a long time, and we just needed a little reassurance you were okay. Making new friends is a sure sign of being okay."

"Yeah, whatever," I muttered.

"We should invite him out. Maybe we can do something, me and Ronnie, you and Ben."

I nearly choked on my pizza. "We are _not_ double-dating! He's barely even my friend, I've known him for three days!"

"I know, I just think this would be a good way for us to ruthlessly judge our new friends and make sure we're not making any bad decisions."

I considered this for a moment. "We probably wouldn't be able to go _out_, really."

Cassie looked confused. "Why?"

"We didn't exactly have the best experience at the dining hall yesterday. People mobbed me for autographs and stuff. He played it cool, but I'm sure he didn't exactly like that."

"That's awful. You guys just sat in the dining hall being harassed?"

"Nah, we left. He showed me his dorm."

Cassie's playful grin faltered.

"What? I told you, he likes his privacy. He has a special spot in the library, too. I think he has little secret quiet spots everywhere."

"Special spots, like, how you and Tobias had special spots?"

"I guess?" I decided. Tobias and I retreated to the woods for the same reason, and we had several favorite spots that we liked to hang out. There was the brook a mile or so from the Hork-Bajir colony, the clearing where we had our little picnics, the cliff where we first...

"Wait. What are you... you are not thinking what I think you're thinking!" My jaw dropped.

"Of course not!" Cassie protested. She was at least partly lying. She definitely had been thinking about how Tobias and I used to run away alone for Private Time,

"We had lunch!" I cried. "Not even. We just ate Dirt."

"What? Ew?"

"That's all. Nothing happened."

"Okay, I wasn't saying - I was just pointing out you guys had that in common."

"Yeah, right."

"But either way, you shouldn't hold back just because you feel guilty about Tobias. Especially now that he might be...just, if you wanted to - "

"Enough." Now I was mad. This girl talk session had been going so well.

"No, not enough, because I'm not entirely sure its getting through to you!" Cassie exclaimed. "I think you're holding back. You are allowed to see other people! You have been for like, a year now. You are allowed to enjoy things like dating and, I don't know, making out in some secret corner of the library!"

"If you like the idea so much, why don't _you_ go hook up with some dude in the library!"

"Well, maybe I will!"

"Fine, just find Ronnie and go!"

"At least I won't be afraid of hooking up with him!"

We stood in the kitchen, hands on our hips and staring each other down in silence so hard that we didn't even notice the third person joining us.

"Uh..."

We both spun around in surprise. Ronnie Chambers was there, at the foot of the stairs, awkwardly staring at the floorboards.

"Ronnie, oh my God." She was blushing furiously. "Tell me you didn't hear any of that."

"Yeah, I mean, no, its cool," he said, trying to laugh it off. It came out as an awkward squeaking sound and he shoved his hands in his pockets. "Uh, hi, Rachel. Nice to see you again."

"Hey," I replied shortly.

Cassie hastily started cutting the rest of the pizza crusts. "I mentioned Ronnie was coming over tonight, right?"

She had. I had forgotten. It had been a very long two days since she'd told me.

"You did. It slipped my mind. Sorry to crash the, uh, date," I said glumly. "I'll get out of your hair."

"You're fine," Ronnie insisted. "We're watching Shaun of the Dead on DVD, if you're down. Cassie wanted to watch more news and read more articles about the thing yesterday, but I managed to convince her she needed a break. If she obsesses about it too much she'll go nuts."

I scowled at her. "Yeah. She has this thing about obsessing."

Cassie's mouth formed a thin line. She was getting angry at me. "I'm not obsessing. I just want to be informed. Because I _care._"

"Gosh, all this_ caring _you do must be _exhausting,_" I said dryly.

Ronnie looked back and forth between us hesitantly.

"So, uh, Shaun of the Dead is really, really good movie."

"He promises it's funny and not as awful as I think it's going to be," Cassie said, her voice thin, like a dangerous plane of ice over a slightly frozen lake. She almost never got this way, this hopelessly frustrated. Patience was her middle name but with me, she was losing it. Cassie dealt with anger like Jake used to. Calmly, quietly, and very controlled. Except Jake would always blow up at the end. Cassie never did. Maybe I would finally be the one person to make her angry enough to yell?

I didn't give a single solitary damn if I was.

"Sorry for eating your pizza." I got up, grabbing a napkin to get the grease off my fingers, and then opened up the closet by the door. I pulled out a light jacket. It had gotten dark, so I expected a little bit of a chill.

"Don't leave," Cassie said, with much more force than I usually heard from her.

Ronnie nodded in agreement. "Please, stay."

I knew I wouldn't really be imposing. It wasn't like Cassie was one to go far on the first date, and Ronnie seemed like just about as gentlemanly a guy as they came. Any other time, I would have stayed. But I was still teetering on the edge of true anger, and I had a feeling the longer I stayed home, the madder I would get.

"I have plans," I said vaguely. Things were getting too tense between us. I also didn't want to be around to feel sting of Cassie's happiness with Ronnie. Their joined pity for me. Her life was great, and I wanted the best for her. But the more she moved on, it felt like the further she left me behind.

"Hey, I'll meet you on the couch?" Cassie said to Ronnie. She handed him the box of pizza and he went into the living room, shooting the both of us a worried look before he left. Then she turned to me.

"You're running away again."

"I'm not running away from anything. Except maybe you and Ronnie making out on the couch."

"You're running away from anything that would make you the slightest bit happy," she said. "You're running away from pizza, from TV, from a nice stress-free night."

"I'm not crashing your date, Cassie, are you kidding?"

"And you're running away from me."

"I'm not your kid!" I exploded, finally. I knew Ronnie could hear me in the next room, and I didn't cared. "I'm not your fucking puppy! Stop acting like I'm your responsibility, I don't need that pressure anymore. I'm not some invalid that you have to worry about all the time, so stop checking up on me! All you're going to get from me is disappointment, okay? It's been three years and I've just wallowing ankle-deep in shit like I always have been, so why don't you just focus on your Hork-Bajir and your big dreamy man in there and leave me the fuck alone!"

Cassie looked stunned. I hadn't yelled at her like that in years. Maybe ever. My words echoed between us for a moment, and part of me wanted to take it all back, to apologize.

But a bigger, more frenzied part of me also wanted everyone to just back the hell off.

"I don't feel responsible for you," she whispered. "I'm worried about you because you're my best friend and I need you."

"But you have been disappointed in me, right? Jake is fine, you're fine, Marco's great, even Tobias is officially doing better than I am now. It's just Crazy Rachel, still not adjusting like you thought I would."

Her mouth opened and closed wordlessly.

I pulled the kitchen door and walked out.

* * *

I tried to resist the urge to morph. I knew what would happen if I did retreat into my eagle or grizzly. Instead, I got in my car and drove. I didn't know exactly where I was going, but I drove and drove until I glanced at the speedometer. A hundred miles per hour. This wasn't enough, but I would be stopped soon by the cops. The buildings grew more sparse and the roads got rougher. Glancing at the clock I was surprised to see that I had been going for nearly two hours. My tank was almost empty.

It wasn't enough.

Fighting with Cassie always made me feel a little sick. But this time, for whatever reason, it also made me scared. Without Cassie, without Tobias and the others, I was nothing. I wasn't as strong and independent as people thought. I was literally no one without someone else to latch onto. Someone or something to fight for, something that actually mattered. Fighting with Cassie was like cutting the last string that was holding me up. I was a crumpled marionette, a disappointment to everyone.

I needed to stop. I swerved off the road, feeling my car tip slightly and giving me a little bit of the edge I needed to dull my feelings. My car plunged into the woods and I laughed, feeling myself let go of what little sanity I had been clinging to. My hands were no longer hands. They were the claws of a grizzly bear, my old friend.

My car was whipped by low hung branches of trees that I only just managed to dodge. At some point I stopped the car and I tumbled out, the bulk of the grizzly bear starting to feel too confined in the driver's seat of my sedan. I ran through the forest, the bear's heart pounding madly, telling me that I was pushing it too far, but I plowed on. I needed something. I didn't know what, but something.

And then there it was. A large buck. Proudly standing in a clearing, just grazing. I crouched. I ran. It ran. Too fast! But that didn't matter. It was running towards a gorge. Soon, it would have nowhere to run.

It stopped at the cliff, panicking. I herded it to the right, where I knew there was a steep rock hill. It saw that it was trapped and hesitated for just a second. All the time I needed. I attacked it. I gored it. It tried to fight, but I ripped its large, sharp antlers from its head. I flung them away, and plunged my claws into its neck. That artery was still throbbing. I knew the mess it would make. I wanted the mess. I roared at the rush, the feeling of hot blood on my paws.

I was _so good at this._

Later, when the madness subsided and I was just shivering human girl huddled in her car, I found myself at a rest stop off the main highway. I had no gas. The line at the gas pump was long, and all the cars were close together. I couldn't deal with anyone recognizing me, so I pulled into a parking space at the far corner and decided to wait it out until the crowd thinned.

I pulled down the visor and opened up the small mirror. It would have been stupid to deny the fact that I was pretty. I'd been told that all my life. I had shiny blond hair that fell straight enough to need minimal maintenance, but was thick enough to style if the occasion presented itself. My forehead was just the right size, atop perfectly manicured eyebrows and cool blue doe eyes. A dainty nose was centered on my face, with a relatively unremarkable mouth, and a solid chin that gave me the confident swagger everyone always told me I have. Everything was the same, in all the same places.

Why, then, did I look so different? It was like a shadow had been cast over me - nothing had changed, but at the same time everything was different. But fear of the invisible and unknown, ghosts that hid in the shadows, were far more terrifying than an in-your-face horror. That was what I looked like now. An invisible fear. The same, but someone had turned the lights out. Made it dark.

It made no sense. At my worst, most violent and uncontrollable, I never felt like this. I was never this lost. I knew who and what I was.

But not here, and not now. I didn't belong here. I knew, I wasn't supposed to be anything more than what I was three years ago. That was why everything was unfamiliar, why I felt like I was feeling around blindly in the dark.

I was just a ghost.


	6. Family Weekend

**CHAPTER SIX: Family Weekend**

* * *

I woke up to someone tapping loudly on my window.

"Hey there!" A homeless man greeted me, waving around a wet squeegee. He raised his bucket and nodded his head at my windshield.

I sighed and cracked the window open, something no other young woman alone in her car would have done. I was admittedly still a little dazed, but skinny old men weren't exactly high up on my list of scary things anymore.

"What time is it?" I asked, slipping him a five.

"'Bout six in the morning," he said. I smelled alcohol on his breath. "You sleep in there all night, lil' girl?"

_Six?!_ That explained the blinding sunlight streaking through my dirty windshield that the homeless guy was preparing to clean.

"Oh, shit. I guess so."

He began to soak the front of my car in soapy water and scrape the crap off of it. I hadn't even noticed how gross it had gotten after my little off-roading adventure. "You look familiar. You from 'round here?"

"Sort of. Not really."

"Yeah, I'm 'sorta not really' from alotta places too," the guy said, splashing more water on the windshield. "What's a pretty girl like you got to be runnin' from?"

"Russian mafia," I said crossly, looking away and avoiding eye contact. I hadn't counted on him being so chatty.

He squinted at me through the windshield the entire time, and leered at me as he finished up. He didn't do a very good job, but at least I could see through it now.

"Well, whatever shit you did, you seem like you want to be forgiven for it. And ain't nobody gonna forgive you for nothin' just sittin' around at a gas station."

I watched him blankly as he staggered off.

The gas pumps were deserted now, so I filled up and started racing home. It would be past 8 by the time I got back to our gated community. Cassie was definitely going to be up, and after last night I knew she was going to flip out that I had never come home. Worse, I had absolutely no story to give her. Sometimes – most of the time – she acted more like my mother than my actual mother...

An idea struck and I took the wrong exit off the freeway. One hour later, I started to recognize the forest at the side of the road. I was at my hometown suburb, nearing my old house. Or rather, my family's new-old house. A year after the war, I helped my mother rebuild it from its smoky remains. Bigger and better, of course, but I had made sure to build it on the same plot of land where I grew up.

I parked on the street. Jordan's room was right over the driveway and I didn't want to risk her hearing me. It was now just near eight on a Saturday morning. If something woke my mother or sisters this early on a Saturday, there would be anarchy and chaos.

I morphed into a cockroach, scampered under the crack of our front door, and didn't demorph until I was safely in my room. It wasn't furnished with much, since I officially lived with Cassie now at "The Barn", but I still had my bed, desk, and closet with a few old clothes that reeked of poor 90s fashion choices. I threw on a some pajamas and crawled into bed. Somehow, I managed to nap another hour before I heard my phone ring.

It was exactly 9:01 AM. It had to be Cassie. She knew my family better than anyone, and she had the sense not to call my family's house before 9 on the weekend.

I plopped down at my desk and answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Oh, thank God, you answered," Cassie said worriedly. "Where have you been? After Ronnie left I tried your cell but I kept getting your voicemail. I called your mom's house last night too, but no one answered."

"I was...here," I lied. "Left my cell in the car. If you called late, we were probably asleep. At least, me and Sara were. My mom was probably working in the study and Jordan was out with her friends."

I wasn't entirely sure that was what my family was up to, but it was a pretty believable guess.

"Oh, okay. When you didn't come back I thought..."

"I'm fine." The lies expertly rolled off my tongue. "I just wanted to hang out with my sister. We watched cartoons and stuff."

Cassie hesitated. "Look, Rachel, I'm sorry about last night. I feel like I ambushed you with a lot of stuff and it was unwarranted."

"It's okay," I said quietly. Partly because I still didn't want to wake my family, but also because I knew this conversation was for Cassie's sake, not mine. Whatever she was going to say, I would let her say to make her feel better. I did sort of owe her in that way.

"Rachel..." More hesitation. "So, when are you coming back? I actually don't have much planned this weekend. We can catch a movie or something."

Now I felt bad. As much as I didn't want to hurt her, and as much as I had already burdened her, I was still angry. I needed time away from Cassie to cool off.

"Actually, I was planning on staying here for the weekend. Help Jordan and Sara with back-to-school stuff. They start soon."

"Oh," Cassie said, disappointed. Again.

"I'll see you Sunday night, maybe?"

"Definitely."

I hung up and decided that my mood called for the biggest, greasiest breakfast I could throw together.

By the time Sara woke up and came downstairs, I felt a little better having cooked large plates of eggs, bacon and pancakes. She was ten now, and getting taller by the minute. She was only going into the fifth grade and was already as tall as Jordan, who was starting her junior year of high school. Sara looked astonishingly like me. If she were nine years older we could have been twins. Looking at her was like looking in a mirror to the past.

"Rachel!" Sara gave me a hug and I melted into it. She wasn't like me, or Jordan, or Mom. Not even like Dad, I guess. Sara had grown to be quieter, kinder, and probably smarter than the rest of us. "I didn't know you were coming to visit today!"

I smiled weakly at her. "It's kind of a surprise for me too."

"Shouldn't you be out doing stuff?" Sara asked.

"Seeing you doesn't count as doing stuff?"

Sara rolled her eyes. "I mean like, frat parties and beer pong."

"I seem like the kind of person that would go to frat parties and play beer pong?"

She shrugged. "I don't even know what those are. I'm _ten!_"

I rumpled her hair fondly. "Mom and Jordan still sleeping?"

"Duh." She wriggled into a chair and immediately began shoveling food into her mouth.

"What are you – hey, ew!" I grabbed her fork. "That's for everyone! At least get your own plate first!"

She snatched a plate from the cupboard and scooped into it a ridiculous amount of eggs and more pancakes than any single human her size could eat.

"What is wrong with you?"

"Mom never has time to cook in the morning and Jordan can't cook," Sara complained, dousing everything in ketchup and turning my stomach. "This is the first time I'm eating something that's not cereal for breakfast since, like, forever."

"Well, eat like a human being. Jeez," I said. "Leave some for Mom and Jordan."

"They can eat cereal."

I pulled the plate away as she tried to serve herself more. "Don't be selfish."

"Hey, I deserve this," Sara said defiantly. "There were funny noises coming from downstairs and I was the only one not too lazy to come check it out."

"If you hear weird noises coming from downstairs, you do_ not_ check it out by yourself! You go get mom!" I cried. "Do you_ want_ to be stabbed? Have you not seen any slasher movies?"

"I'm_ ten!_"

"Just, ugh, fine go ahead and make yourself vomit. See if I care."

Sara obliged, and I turned to make more breakfast. It wasn't long before Jordan, and then my mother joined us at the table. They were surprised and confused to see me, but they forgot it all when they saw the food. Like Sara, they attacked like ravenous wolves.

"Oh, God." Jordan gushed. "This is so good. Are you dying? Are you going to jail? Why are you doing this?"

"Jordan!" Mom scolded, then looked at me cautiously. "But...well...are you?"

"_Mom! _I spoke to you two days ago!"

"Well, I'm sorry, but you weren't interested in coming home then, despite nearly being blown to pieces - "

"I wasn't even there at the time!"

" - and now suddenly here you are making us a delicious breakfast? This isn't exactly something that happens every Saturday morning," she pointed out. "Are you okay?"

I had tried to keep my two lives separate during the war. I protected my family from both the war and the side of myself that enjoyed it. But after the yeerks learned our identities, no matter how hard I tried, it was impossible to keep my worlds apart. They saw the darkness in me for the first time. They saw who I was, a person – if I could still be called that – that was no longer their daughter or sister.

Jordan and Sara were a bit young, so they may not have understood how far gone their sister Rachel was, but my mother did. She saw what I had become, even called me out on it. Mom knew I wasn't the same girl, but an entirely different creature, and she did not like it. In fact, she feared it. In the years afterward, it cooled a bit into a wariness around me that probably would never go away. I noticed how she hovered around Jordan and Sara more, as if trying to shield them. She made a point to no longer stay late at the office, choosing instead to bring her work home and do it at the kitchen table with my sisters and their homework. She picked Sara up from friend's houses and gave her a cell phone for emergencies. She enforced Jordan's curfew and doled out punishments for breaking rules.

She wore herself out being a great mom to them, so they wouldn't end up like me. I would always be her daughter. That's why she called me on Thursday after the explosions, my mom loved me. But I didn't think even a mother could forgive the things I had done. Forgiveness was only for those who still had a chance.

So I moved out. I was a lot easier to love from a distance.

"I'm okay," I insisted. "Jeez, I can't come home from college for a weekend?"

"Only if you make bacon again tomorrow," Jordan said, her mouth full.

"And pancakes," Sara chimed in.

Mom pointedly slid a napkin across the table to her. Syrup was dribbling down her chin. "I never was that great of a cook, I'm sure you remember."

"It's kind of hard to forget."

She smiled sheepishly. "It's good to have you back here, Rachel."

I knew it was at least partially sincere. Even if I was different, one thing that would never change was that I would always take care of my family. Jordan and Sara eyed the two of us carefully, and shared a significant look between themselves. When had they started doing that?

"Hey, Mom, since Rachel's here I bet she could help us with the shopping," Jordan said. "You can get to the office for a couple hours and finish your project today, so you finally have time for movie lunch tomorrow!"

"Movie lunch?" I asked, perplexed.

Sara leaned over to me. "Every Sunday used to be board game night, but Mom was always too tired to really play and Jordan wants to hang out with friends in the evenings, so we changed it to movie lunch. We eat lunch in front of the TV so Jordan can go out later and Mom could 'accidentally' take a nap while it's playing."

That was definitely a new family activity. I didn't even need to look at my mother to know that she was looking away from me.

"I wouldn't mind going shopping," I said weakly into my pancakes.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea," my mom said. "I can get a lot done today if I can make it to the office."

"Awesome!" Sara yelped, forking a few more strips of bacon on her plate. Jordan looked just as pleased.

* * *

I didn't remember the fifth grade much at all, and I never actually finished my junior year of high school, so I wasn't exactly sure what my sisters needed. So I donned my usual disguise - two braids and a beanie pulled low with a pair of thick nerdy glasses - and I dumped Sara and Jordan into my car. I forced them to wear seatbelts and asked them where they wanted to go.

"I want to go to Staples!" Sara exclaimed. "The one in Hillsboro Plaza!"

"I know someone who works there, we can't go there!" Jordan countered.

"Why not?!"

"Because I said so!"

"_Rachelllll...!"_

In the end I drove the extra two miles to another Staples. It was in the mall, so they would be able to buy clothes, too.

The very same mall where I spent my last few moments as a normal human being.

It was actually the first time I been there in nearly three years. I hadn't realized how much it would affect me, but I felt my breath shallow and quicken. It had never even occurred to me how significant this place was.

Overhead, I saw the skylight. I remembered it crashing down during one of my gymnastics meets as Tobias soared through it. Down the way was the Radio Shack where we got lots of our components trying to build a Z-Space communicator. And then there was the Spencer's where we found Erek the Chee malfunctioning and had to carry him out under the guise of a Bill Clinton cooking robot. And the Food Court where we had many a hushed discussion and where Ax was probably still banned for causing a ruckus at the Cinnabon. And the Rainforest Cafe where we let Cassie talk us into freeing some parrots. And the Macy's where we started guiding Marco's mom, Visser One, to her downfall. And...

"Rachel?"

The mall had been just as dangerous a place as any for us, but we spent an awful lot of time here. A lot of memories. Not exactly good memories, but still. Memories.

"Rachel, we have to move!"

I snapped out of it and realized people were staring. It was still early on a Saturday and the stores had only been open for maybe twenty minutes, but there were already plenty of mall shoppers around to stop and stare at me. It didn't help that I was standing right in front of a massive mural of me and the other Animorphs. I had completely forgotten about it. There had been a big ceremony and everything. We had all pressed our handprints into the wall and signed it.

"Come on, Rach!" Jordan shoved me into the nearest store, an H&M.

"What are you doing?" I demanded.

"You were just standing there staring," Jordan said. "Right in front of your own mural, no less. It was a little too conspicuous, even with your disguise. People were looking at you funny."

"Oh."

"Sorry," Sara said sympathetically. "We didn't think about how this was, well, you know._ Your_ mall."

"It's fine," I waved them off impatiently. "It's nothing. They won't bother you, though, will they?"

In the beginning of the media storm I had fiercely defended my family from the paparazzi, going as far as paying for private security until they left them alone. To this day I hadn't allowed any reporters to properly speak to my family, and I worried that some day one would slip through the cracks and get at my sisters. No one deserved media scrutiny, least of all my sisters.

Jordan shrugged. "I mean, everyone at school knows who we are, but they're finally cool with it. Random strangers on the street don't bat an eye, though. I look nothing like you and Sarah's just a kid."

"Shut up, I'm almost taller than you!"

Jordan and Sara led me back out of the H&M and back to the mall. Half of it had to be rebuilt because of damage, but it was largely the same. Even the arcade where Cassie and I found Jake, Marco and Tobias was still there. There was a plaque in front of it, commemorating our fateful meeting six years ago. My mom told me there were talks of making the arcade and even the entire mall into a national landmark because of us.

"Oh my God, is that Rita?" Jordans asked suddenly. She caught sight of a friend at Macy's and waved. Then she gave me a pleading look and I rolled my eyes, handing her her some cash.

"Call us in two hours." As much as I wanted to spend time with her, I definitely did not need her teenage high school drama in my life. Jordan ran off.

I asked Sara where she wanted to go first, and she made a beeline for American Eagle. At some point in the past few years, my baby sister had developed her own sense of style and identity, and it was fascinating to watch. She shopped just as efficiently as Jordan and I, just as focused and she knew exactly what she wanted. Most of it even looked great on her. She was growing up, and I barely had to help her with anything.

Except maybe moderating her usage of the color pink.

"You know, there are other colors in the universe," I pointed out. Everything she was carrying into the fitting room was pink.

"This isn't pink." She held up a shirt.

"That's dark pink."

"Well, the only other color this comes in is yellow, and that would clash with my hair. Mine is a little lighter blonde than yours."

I wanted to wipe a tear from my eye, I was so proud.

"You're right. Keep that one. But that pink hoodie you have also comes in baby blue and you look_ fantastic_ in baby blue."

She looked over at the rack thoughtfully. "You think?"

"That would bring out the color in your eyes._ Our_ eyes. Believe me, I know I look great in blue."

Sara went off to replace a few things and as I held her place in the fitting room line I felt myself getting a little emotional. My sisters would be fine. They would be better versions of how I was meant to turn out, and if I couldn't give them a lot of older sister advice, I could at the very least guide their fashion choices, right?

She returned and held the sweatshirt up to my chin.

"That won't fit me." I smirked.

"No, it's for me, I just wanted to see..." She grinned as I lifted up my glasses so she could get a better view. "You're right. We look good in blue."

"Of course I'm right." I positioned her back in line and grabbed a lavender top off another rack. "We look amazing in most lighter shades and pastels. Jordan and Mom look great in the more neutral tones with their coloring, but we're different. And at your age, you have even more options. Here, look at this..."

I eventually coaxed her out of American Eagle and she dragged me into other stores. She got her shoes and her new jeans, and about a million more things than she actually needed. It didn't feel like long before Jordan peeled herself away from her friends and met up with us at the fountain, weighed down by her own new wardrobe.

She made a weirdly thorough presentation of her shopping exploits. She wasn't practically my clone like Sara was, but she was always much more like me in personality. For the first time, I realized this is what Cassie saw all those years ago when I had to drag her around the mall and give my own shopping speeches. Cunning, swiftness, and pride. Jordan and I, we were hunters and the mall was our grounds.

"Nice jeans," Sara commented at one particular pair Jordan was holding up.

"Thanks."

"The denim's kind of thin, though," Sara rubbed it between her fingers. "They were having a sale on jeans at JC Penney that was surprisingly good quality you could probably look at, but I'm not sure they had this cut. But they did have a demi-curve line that would look great on your hips!"

Jordan stared at her, then at me.

"I can't believe it. You had her for barely two hours and she's already writing a dissertation on pants."

"I'm that good. This is not news."

"Yeah, well, let's see you put those skills to use at Staples," Jordan said, nodding over to the office store. It was back-to-school season, which meant every Staples in the nation was being mercilessly ransacked. The line extended all the way to the back parking lot exit. There were folders and notebooks strewn across the floor, uncapped markers and pens rolling down the aisles, and one of the employees was bawling. Another was offering her some Xanax.

I picked up Sara's shopping bags and held my other hand out for Jordan's. "I think I'll pass. I'll take your stuff to the car and bring it around to the Staples entrance so you won't have to walk far when you're done."

"The Shopping Guru chickening out?" Jordan handed her bags over.

"The Shopping Guru chooses her battles." I winked and staggered under the weight of their new clothes. By the time I made it to the car, I was sweating.

I pulled the car around to the Staples entrance, lucky to find a spot right at the front. For a brief moment I thought about joining them inside, but the door opened and a mother came out screaming at her child, who was covered in fingerpaint. I opted against it and looked around in my car for something to do. I noticed my school bag was still in the backseat, wedged under the passenger side where Sara had probably kicked it. I grabbed it and pulled out the fancy little laptop Marco had given me. He'd mentioned it would pull wifi from anywhere. Sure enough, as soon as it booted up, I was getting an internet signal from a locked network inside the mall. It was able to bypass any security without any work from me. Impressive. Marco had also promised it was undetectable, and untraceable. I'd hold him to that.

I surfed the internet for a while. Determinedly skipped past the celebrity gossip and idly checked the weather. The internet was a dangerous place for me. Literally every corner the was a mention of me or the other Animorphs and good or bad, I made a point not to read any of it. There was barely any safe space for me other than cute kitten videos.

Then I closed the browser, thoroughly bored. Maybe I should have gone into Staples. Just as I was closing the lid, I noticed an icon on the desktop. . I remembered Marco saying he'd left something there he wanted me to open. Curiously, I clicked on it. It was a simple document with three items listed on it.

_BerenJay _

___808-555-1371_

_BballBoy85_

It didn't say anywhere explicitly, but it didn't take a genius to know what it all was. Jake's email, phone number, and what I was assuming was his Skype username, since Marco was all about Skype lately after being hired as their spokesperson. Marco wanted me to talk to Jake. Why? He knew our history just as well as everyone else.

"Rachel, open up!" Sara banged on my door and I jumped, slamming the laptop shut on instinct.

"Oooh, fancy laptop," Jordan said, after I unlocked the car and they piled in with their pencils and binders or whatever it was they just risked their lives for.

"Figured I'd get some work done while you guys were in there," I replied, tucking it back into my bag. "So I - wait, what the hell is all that!?"

Sara was gleefully hugging several massive bags to her chest.

"Pokemon cards!"

_"Pokemon cards?!"_

She pouted at me. "You gave me money."

"It's wasn't for _pokemon cards!_"

"I'm _ten!_"

Jordan offered me only a shrug and a smirk. "Yeah, this is really all on you."

"God. Was there any change?"

Jordan looked at me sheepishly. "I needed new headphones."

I gaped. "You guys were just supposed to buy, like, paper and pencils!"

"I bought pencils, too!" Sara said defensively, holding open a bag stuffed with way too many pencils, all maddeningly neon-colored.

"Paper and pencils literally grow on trees," Jordan said. "They're not exactly expensive. We had lots of money leftover!"

I grumbled as I started the car.

* * *

We picked up some sandwiches on the way home for lunch, and an extra salad for when Mom came home. They made sure to thank me for all their new crap, without me even having to prompt them, and then my sisters dispersed into their respective rooms. Thankful for the even this brief moment of quiet, I went into my own room and checked my email.

I was surprised to find one from Ben. It was sent less than an hour ago.

_Hey, just wanted to see how your weekend was going! To tell the truth I was a little bummed I didn't get to hang out with you at all on Friday, so I was wondering what your Monday schedule looked like. Maybe we could grab lunch or something then?_

_Either way, you know where to find me weekday mornings if you need anything!_

_Ben_

He was interested in me. He was definitely interested. I couldn't help but feel a warm glow.

_Hi Ben,_

_I'm good. I do have it pretty light on Mondays, probably because my Fridays are a nightmare? I'll catch up with you that morning and we can do something. Enjoy the rest of your weekend._

_Rachel_

I almost clicked send, but stopped with my finger on the button. I clicked the email text again and added my cell phone number. Then I sat back and read the email over and over. It looked casual. Even with the number there, it didn't look particularly forward or anything. It was cool.

No. It was too soon. Wasn't it? I didn't know how to progress a person from acquaintance to friend status. It wasn't a thing I did a lot. I started to hit backspace, chickening out, but another hand suddenly shot out from behind me and slammed the send button. The message was sent.

"Jordan!" I shrieked. I hadn't even heard her enter, I had been so absorbed in reading and rereading the email. "Are you insane!?"

"Oh, just give him your number, you loser." She scoffed. She pulled out a top and a pair of jeans from a bag. "Does this top look okay for the first day of school?"

I wanted to murder her, but not before telling her, "Yeah, but not with those jeans. I think you'll need a darker wash."

"Good point."

"Is that a small or extra-small?"

"Small." She held up the top in question. "It might fit you though, if you asked to borrow it."

I snatched it from her hands and she yelped in protest.

"This is mine, for sending that email."

"What's the big deal?" Jordan complained. "If you like him, give him your number. It was obvious from the way you were agonizing over it that you like him."

"Still...you...can't just..." I sputtered. "It's not like that."

"Why not? It's not like you're dating Tobias anymore."

I scowled. "Well, none of this is any of your business."

"Look, I'm sorry," Jordan said, clearly not sorry. "But if I didn't send that you would have been trapped in here obsessing over it all day. Now its done. I've freed you, think about it like that!"

"Get out."

"Rachel, come onnn, I - "

Suddenly my phone buzzed. I stared at it. A text message.

Jordan brightened. "I bet that's him!"

She jumped off my bed and bounded for my phone on the desk. Thankfully, I was closer and snatched it from her grasp. Holding her back with one hand, I checked the message with my other.

_Hey Rachel, this is Ben. Just thought since you gave me your number I would give you mine. :)_

I smiled stupidly. Jordan saw me before I could catch myself and started slapping at my arm excitedly.

"Oooh, tell him - "

"I'm not telling him anything!" I said, grabbing her shopping bag off my bed. "I'll see him Monday. That's been established."

"But text him back and say, like - "

I started pushing her out of the room.

"Get out!"

"He's totally into you! At least save his number on your phone before you forget - "

I shut the door, hitting her butt on the way out.

"Yeah, well, that top is all wrong for your boobs!" Jordan shouted through the door before stalking off to be annoying somewhere else. Then, someone else knocked and I wondered how on Earth I survived my childhood in this crazy house.

"Not now, Sara!"

"It's me."

Startled, I opened the door to find my mother standing there, half bewildered and half amused.

"Do I even want to know what that was about?"

"Nope. How was work?"

"It was...the same as always." Mom sighed. "I just wanted to thank you for being such a great big sister to Jordan and Sara."

I awkwardly backed away from the door to let her in. "It's nothing. You know I love shopping, anyway."

"Not just today, I'm talking about... well, always. You were always a better parent than I was. Even when you were just a kid. Even when you were...fighting. They adore you."

"You were supporting us. It's not your fault." I didn't know why I was trying to defend her. I wasn't even sure if I meant what I was saying.

"It is my fault I never had time for my kids. I never had time for you." Mom admitted, wringing her hands in a way I had never seen before. She was never anxious, not like this. She was a _lawyer_, it was her _job_ not look like this. "You're the one I missed out on, Rachel. That was my mistake. I should have...I should have - "

"Mom, don't do this," I begged quietly. "You couldn't have changed anything. The Yeerks were here. I was going to get caught up in the war regardless of whether or not you were home for dinner."

My mother looked at me sadly. "I understand the secrecy, but if I had been a better mother, made your home life easier, given you less responsibility with Jordan and Sara... If I only had some kind of time machine - "

"Oh, you do not want to mess around with that stuff."

She looked at me, confused. "What?"

"Nothing."

"I'm just saying, I could have been to you what I'm trying to be for Jordan and Sara."

At that, I bit my lip and ran a hand through my hair, trying to sort out exactly what my feelings were. Yes, she could have. Yes, I was kind of bitter that Jordan and Sara were getting this Super Mom when I was always stuck with Lawyer Mom That Never Paid Attention. But the yeerks still would have came, I still would have become a monster, and nothing could be done to fix any of that. There was nothing to blame on her.

She wanted forgiveness. I knew the feeling.

"You're doing great with Jordan and Sara."

"Thank you. I only wish I hadn't lost you first."

"Well...I'm here now."

She reached up and cupped my cheek in her hands. Mom was never the emotional type, but she knew how to read people. We both knew I wasn't the same person she had lost. But I was...something.

"Just because I'm being a better mother to Jordan and Sara, doesn't mean I love you any less. Okay? I just feel like I don't have anything to give you anymore."

I smiled softly. "Kinda feel like you gave a lot to me just now."

I didn't even remember the last time my mom hugged me. I must have been pretty small though, because my mother only came up to my shoulders and it was a jarring realization, being so much taller than her.

"You're so big. I missed out on you, Rachel," she sighed. "I missed out."

"It's okay. I'm sure theres still some of me left to catch."

She laughed into my shirt.

I hadn't realized it before, but all this time, maybe she had needed me to forgive her just as much as I wanted her to forgive me.


	7. Freshman Fifteen

**CHAPTER SEVEN: ****Freshman Fifteen**

* * *

I ended up staying home longer than I thought, and got back to "the Barn" really late Sunday. Cassie was already in bed, and I felt a little guilty. She had probably stayed up as long as she could to try and make amends with me before her busy life swept her away on Monday. I made a mental note to try and wake up early enough to see her in the morning, since being with my sisters and talking with my mom had put me in such a good mood, but by the time I dragged myself out of bed she was in her office having some kind of important-sounding video chat.

We'd have to catch up after school.

Monday was pretty much as decent as I could have expected college would be. More of the same classes, just now with a little more work. I maintained distance from the majority of my classmates and they mostly honored my wish for privacy. At least, they mostly learned to stop mobbing me outside of classes and were slightly more subtle with their gaping. It was probably hard to do, since Thursday was still pretty fresh in everyone's minds.

Still, terrorist unpleasantries aside, I could see my life slowly but surely falling into this routine some day. And it wasn't _completely_ awful.

Especially thanks to the huge groundbreaking leap in my friendship with Ben - texting during class.

_Hows Calc 101 going?_

I looked up at my professor to make sure he didn't see me respond.

_You mean, how is my Greek literature class going?_

_Lol it gets easier._

_Really?_

_No actually it gets a lot harder sorry. Im in Calc 301 and im pretty sure my professor is secretly an Andalite. Are these complex conjugates or did we suddenly break into Z-space?_

_Wow. Nerd._

_Lol shut up and take notes. See you later._

After my only two Monday classes, I was able to navigate my way to Ben's dorm without much trouble. He politely met me at the door and walked me up to his room. I found a pizza and a massive bag of pretzels waiting for us, along with his roommate Gary. He was sitting at his comics-plastered desk and swiveled around in his chair to face me.

"Hey, nice to see you again!" Gary said brightly. His long-ish unruly hair, thick plastic glasses, and the white lab coat he was wearing made him look a little bit like a mad scientist. "How've you been, Rachel?"

"I'm, uh, doing great, Dr. Frankenstein," I looked over at Ben who laughed.

"He's a physics major. He just got back from his Physics lab."

"Whoa, physics?" I raised an eyebrow, impressed. "That's cool. You and Ben must have a lot in common."

Gary snorted. "Are you kidding? Physicists and engineers hate each other. Engineers are basically just monkeys banging at things with tools."

Ben shoved his chair. "Yeah? At least we deal in reality instead of hypotheticals."

"Go back to your shop and play with your legos, buddy."

"You're a glorified _mathematician_."

Gary stood abruptlyand dramatically whipped of his glasses. "You want to go? Let's go."

"Pick a game."

"Twisted Metal Black."

"I am gonna _murder_ you." Ben grabbed his controllers off his desk, and Gary switched on his monitor and the Playstation.

Clearly I had underestimated just how dorky Ben and his roommate were. They had completely forgotten I was even in the room, something that was pretty rare these days. It was strangely refreshing. Also, stupid.

"Ahem," I cleared my throat. "This is officially the weirdest fight I ever witnessed, and I once battled aliens as a microscopic grizzly bear in my friend's nostrils."

They stared at me blankly.

"Can we just agree that there is plenty of room in the nerdosphere for engineers and physicists?" I took their controllers and set them down. "I'm starving."

Ben grinned sheepishly "Sorry."

"Yeah, sorry. Long day at the lab."

"Those Japanese sex-bots Gary's working on at the lab won't build themselves."

"No, the _engineers_ build them!"

I pursed my lips, feeling a little too much like I was in a really bad sitcom. "Seriously, guys? I'm about to back out of this room blowing on a rape whistle."

Ben looked apologetic. "I swear to you, we're not complete degenerates. _He_ promised he'd be cool."

"_You're _the one that called me a mathematician."

"I don't even get it. Aren't mathematicians really smart, too?"

They both glared at me.

"Oh, whatever. Losers."

They laughed and I took a seat at Ben's desk. Ben plopped on his bed and grabbed a slice of pizza. I couldn't help but notice he'd put some gel in his hair. A little too much, almost like a Ross Gellar sort of deal, but he'd made an effort and he did still look pretty cute. His T-shirt, this time black with the Batman logo on the front, was wrinkle-free and smelled like Downy fabric softener and dryer sheets.

Was he trying to impress me?

"Help yourself, Rach," Ben said, pointing at a roll of paper towels on top of a shelf. It was pretty much the only eating utensil in the entire room. I grabbed a sheet, but hesitated.

"Are you sure this is a pizza?" I scrutinized it. It was shaped like a pizza, but that was pretty much the only resemblance it had to pretty much any kind of food I had ever seen. It was loaded with chunks of cubed white things, peppered with bits of dark red, and doused in a criss-cross pattern of white sauce on top.

"Chicken Bacon Ranch pizza," Gary said proudly, expertly taking his own slice. I couldn't see how they were keeping their pizzas intact with just their hands and a paper towel. The entire thing was a greasy mess that looked like it should just flop over and fall apart. "Chicken chunks, bacon bits, and ranch dressing drizzled over the top. The Blythe University Dining Hall's second highest achievement, eclipsed only by Dirt Cups."

I blinked at him, then at Ben.

"It kinda looks like someone threw up on this."

"You didn't think you'd like the Dirt either," Ben pointed out fairly. "Come on, just try it. New experiences. You're young. Your stomach can take it."

I frowned. On the one hand, it looked like shit. But on the other, I was hungry and he was indeed right about the Dirt. At this point, I could probably trust Ben's knowledge on sketchy dining hall cuisine. Probably.

"Well, all right. Against my better judgement..."

"This is exactly what college is all about," Gary said. "Being old enough to know better, but young enough to not give a fuck."

"Try it, try it, try it," Ben chanted and Gary joined in. I rolled my eyes. It was tough to separate a slice, since these guys didn't separate the crusts like Cassie did and all I had was a paper towel, but I finally managed to get a piece into my mouth.

"Oh, Jesus." It was just as described - chickeny, bacony, and ranchy, yet against all odds, not as gross as it should have been. It actually worked.

"Didn't I tell you!?" Ben crowed at my expression. "Don't chew too long or let it linger in your mouth. The chunky, crispy, creamy texture is what will get you if you let it. You have to swallow quick, let the flavor hit your once, then get it down before you're overwhelmed."

Gary raised his hand. "Permission to make a crass sex joke?"

"Denied," Ben said on my behalf.

"Oh man, it's like someone dumped the unhealthy parts of a salad bar onto a pizza. This is _delicious._"

"No wonder you like her," Gary said innocently. Ben blushed and threw a greasy paper towel at him. Also slightly embarrassed, I kept my focus on the drippy abomination I was holding.

I all but wolfed down my first slice. I could feel it stewing there at the bottom of my stomach and I wasn't quite sure how my system would handle it, but I was still starving. It was past two in the afternoon and I hadn't eaten breakfast. I started going for a second, but Ben stopped me.

"Uh-uh. You're a rookie here, Rach," he warned. "It's tastes good, but I'm pretty sure it's toxic in large doses. You gotta pace yourself. Have some pretzels, that's what they're for."

I raised an eyebrow. "You said my stomach can handle it."

"Let her have another one, man," Gary urged. "Go for it!"

"I meant your stomach can handle_ one._ This pizza is really, really filling. You definitely should give it a minute," Ben said worriedly. "My first time was like giving birth to a dragon through my mouth. I'm actually kind of shocked you handled one entire slice so..."

"Effortlessly," Gary finished. "It was majestic."

"Dude, shut up."

"I can eat_ three_ slices before I have to throw up!" Gary said gleefully.

Ben shook his head at him and looked at me. "He threw up after two his first time. My first time I threw up after only one slice, and we're_ guys!_"

"_Guys_, huh?" I said sarcastically. "You don't say."

"What I meant was - "

"I feel fine," I said defiantly, breaking off another slice and smiling sweetly at him. "I think I can handle it, despite my vagina."

"Do it, do it, do it," Gary chanted._ "Vagina, vagina, vagina!"_

I chomped a big bite from my slice. Ben cringed.

"You're crazy."

Another bite.

"The closest toilet is like, three doors down the hall. Our trash can is too small for the volume of vomit this pizza usually produces."

A third.

"And the nurse's office is in the third building the right."

"Ye of little faith," Gary admonished him._ "Vagina! Vagina!"_

"Yeah, you're gonna have to stop saying that," I said, between chews.

"You are making a huge mistake," Ben said smugly. "But suit yourself."

"One thing you'll learn about me is that I'm the Queen of mistakes." I smirked and finished off my second slice as he watched carefully. I could feel what he was saying, though. The pizza just sort of sank in my stomach on top of the first one. But I definitely didn't feel sick yet. The two of them eyed me cautiously and when I didn't barf all over their dorm room, Ben scowled.

"Your GI system must be permanently grizzly bear or something."

"Please. This is nothing. One time in morph I ate a..." I trailed off. They definitely did not need to hear about the weird things I've had in my mouth as an Animorph. Or worse, the things I'd had in my mouth since then. Alien body parts. Baby seals. Housefly spit. Pet cats. Basically, I'd had so many awful things in various forms of my mouth that a little chicken bacon ranch pizza surely wasn't going to kill me.

Also, I didn't like when people told me I couldn't do something._ Especially_ if the reasoning was because I was a girl.

"Ate a what?" Gary pressed. Ben threw another paper towel, trying to hush him.

"A moth," I said briskly. No, Animorphs talk was off-limits when hanging out with non-Animorphs friends. I'd have to keep this short and simple. "When I was a bat, I had trouble controlling my instincts and I just snapped up a moth and crunched it around in my mouth."

"Gross."

"Yeah. Sorry."

Ben looked like he was going to ask me another question and I braced myself, but he decided against it. Gary was satisfied with my moth story, but Ben could tell that there was more on my mind. He was curious, but he backed off anyway. I was grateful. He didn't belong in that world.

"I swallowed a dime once. I'm pretty sure it's still inside me," Ben said instead.

I barked out a laugh, glad that he turned the focus on himself.

"How old were you?"

"Uh...I don't know. I don't remember. A kid?"

I looked over at Gary.

"It was freshman year," he said, grinning. "I made him do it."

* * *

Cassie got home early. It wasn't even four in the afternoon when she found me in the downstairs bathroom with my head in a toilet full of vomit. She set her bag down at the doorway and pulled my hair back.

"Uh, hey. Sorry I missed you last night and this morning. I figured you stayed late because you were busy enjoying your family."

I dry-heaved.

"Yeah, I'm actually really glad you had a chance to catch up with your mom and sisters. They're good for you."

This time, something like a creamy hot acid came up and I practically lunged into the toilet.

"I'm sorry again for ambushing you on Friday," she said. "I don't know what came over me. You didn't deserve that. You know I love you, right?"

"Cassie, _please,_" I begged as all my internal organs succumbed one by one to the Blythe University dining hall's sorcery.

"Okay, okay, sorry. So...uh, how about we talk about all _this_, then," she said motioned at the grotesque scene unfolding before her. "Are you drunk or something?"

"Ughhh...of course not!"

"Well, I don't know. I never went to college." Cassie shrugged and patiently pulled her own her out of a ponytail so she could use the hair tie to keep my long blonde hair out of the toilet.. "Did you eat something funny?"

"Pizza."

"Pizza _again? _You had pizza Friday. And if I know your family, probably at least one other time this weekend, too."

She was right, of course.

"Chicken Bacon Ranch pizza."

She cringed. "Eww, Rachel, how do you not weigh like five hundred pounds?"

"It looks the same coming up as it did going down."

"_Eww."_

"Could you get me a...?" I waggled my hand around vaguely, not even sure what I was asking, other than for the assault on my stomach to end.

Cassie ran a towel under cool water in the sink and handed it to me. "Hey you, uh, you _do_ remember that toilet hasn't been able to flush for like, months, right?"

I hadn't. She shook her head at me and I cowered beneath her pitifully.

"...My checkbook is upstairs in my top desk drawer."

"It better be." Cassie gently flicked me in the forehead. "_I'm_ certainly not paying for the plumber that has to deal with all this. Anyway, do you feel a little better now?"

I sat back and leaned against the wall. I didn't even have to tell her I still felt like shit. I was almost doused in sweat, my hair plastered all over my face and neck even after having been tied back. My skin was a sickly green color. Cassie sighed and squatted down to my level to help me wipe my face.

"What on earth possessed you to eat something like a chicken bacon ranch pizza?"

"I don't know, deliciousness?"

She smirked. "Let me guess. It was Ben, wasn't it?"

"Shut up. I hate you."

"It was! You hung out with him again today!" Cassie exclaimed. "Although, I'm starting to wonder about his influence on your eating habits. You still never explained the 'Dirt' thing."

"Don't talk to me about food right now."

"I'm not exactly as convinced as you are that dirt is food, Rach."

"Would you just –_ hurk!_" I lurched forward at the toilet and relieved myself again. Loudly. Cassie was mostly nonplussed, probably thanks to all her years cleaning up various animal fluids in her barn as a child. She'd also been there for Jake during his post-war rough patch and I imagined the scene was similar to this.

"Okay, brush your teeth. I'll be right back. We should have gotten this toilet fixed four months ago anyway. Now we finally have a reason to stop being lazy about it, I guess. I hope someone could come by this evening. I'll go Google some local plumbers."

"For the toilet or my stomach?"

She patted my shoulder. "Just for the record, are you and I…?"

"We're cool, Cassie, jeez, would you just leave me here to regret my life decisions and let me puke in peace?"

Suddenly my phone vibrated from the sink. Cassie took it and flipped it open curiously.

"Someone texted you. Ooooh! Ben! Is this_ the_ Ben?"

I shot her a poisonous look.

"Oh, don't look at me like that. You just left a bowl full of unflushable chicken bacon ranch vomit in our bathroom. You're never allowed to give me that look again."

"That's...fair."

Cassie looked again at my phone. "I wonder if he's throwing his guts up now, too."

"No, he's the one that warned me not to eat more than a slice," I groaned.

"Oh. Let me guess - you didn't listen. You ate three, just to prove that you could."

I nodded miserably.

"Whelp, that sounds about right." Cassie couldn't hide her snickering any longer. She was openly laughing at me and waving my phone at me. "He's asking if you're sure you're okay._ Awww!_"

"I can't believe you're enjoying my –_ urp!_" I flipped over and let loose into the toilet yet again. Cassie barely even noticed. She was busy typing something into my phone.

"_No, I am not okay_," Cassie said aloud as she typed. "_I am puking the entire contents of my body into a broken toilet that doesn't flush._"

"Don't you dare!" I gasped, too weak to actually get up and take my phone from her. She tossed me a new towel. My phone vibrated again. Ben had texted something back! I felt like I was being tortured. _"Cassie!"_

"_You were right, I should have listened to you. I was wrong_," Cassie continued. "_So wrong. I just barfed in my hair. It's coming out my nose. It's - "_

"Cassie, oh my God - "

She laughed. "Relax. Here, take it, I'm gonna get you a glass of water. Breathe through your nose"

I snatched my phone from her and wiped the hair and sweat from my face, taking slow, deep breaths through my nose as instructed. The nausea was finally starting to subside. I leaned back against the cool white tile on the wall and braced myself before looking at the phone.

_Hey Rach, you left your calculus notebook in my room. Is there a good time tomorrow I can get it back to you?_

Cassie had texted back,_ Yeah, sorry about that, whenever you're free?_

_Can you stop by in the morning at work? I'll have it for you along with some coffee :) Sure you're okay after all that pizza?_

And Cassie had responded._ Haha, I'm fine. Told you so. Thanks, and see you tomorrow._

For a best friend, she could be an awful jerk sometimes.

The plumber was eventually able to fix the toilet, even if it was full of upchucked dining hall pizza. He also managed to berate us, politely, for waiting so long before actually getting it fixed. There was a lot of old...stuff...that got kicked back up and he had to wear a mask to continue.

The process put us both off our dinner. We both just sat around our kitchen table in a hazy cloud of "sun-kissed linen" air freshener spray, our attempt at masking the smell. We were also shivering in the evening chill because we would literally die if we didn't have all the windows in the house wide open. Cassie poked hesitantly at her chicken and broccoli, while I swirled my thin, watered-down broth around in the cup.

"I may never eat solid food again," I said.

"Same," she agreed. "Good timing, though, I guess. That leaves more food for Ax."

"I don't think even Ax could – wait, what?" I stopped spinning my spoon around. "What do you mean? Is Ax coming Earthside?"

"_War-Prince _Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill will be assuming a new position here at the base on Royan Island," Cassie said happily. "I was going to tell you earlier, but you were too busy destroying our bathroom."

"Shut. Up."

"Ax hasn't announced it officially yet, but he contacted Tobias at Marco's place this morning and Marco told me. He's been relieved of active military duty and has chosen to oversee the Andalite embassy and the military base here on Royan Island. He'll have a couple Andalites with him, all officers he handpicked by himself."

"No shit? Our little baby's all grown up."

Since the war ended Ax had returned to his people and was promoted directly from aristh to Prince, a huge honor that not even his hero brother Elfangor achieved. Unlike the rest of us, Ax had continued to fight the scattered Yeerks throughout the galaxy, putting even more victories under his belt. He was a hero on our planet, but on his planet he was a bona fide legend and earlier this year had been promoted to War Prince.

"It's kind of weird he's giving up the life of Champion of the Andalites to watch over a little human island, isn't it?" I wondered.

"It thought the same thing, but you know, I never saw Ax as the type to soak it all in like Marco does." Cassie shrugged. "Maybe he's just tired of it all. He's the only one of us who didn't stop fighting the war, you know. Or maybe he just misses humans."

I scoffed. "Human food and TV, maybe."

"I meant _us,_" Cassie clarified. "He spent years here alone. He must think of us as family, just like we do him. When the opportunity presented itself..."

It was a good assumption. The day Ax returned to his homeworld, the Animorphs had been scattered. Marco and Cassie were busy trying to control the press, and Jake had sunken deep into the depression that would consume him for over two years. Only Tobias and I were present when his ship took off. Ax and I were never the best of friends, but Tobias was literally his nephew. And at the time, any family of Tobias was family of mine. It was a bittersweet goodbye, and probably the very start of when I realized things would never be the same.

Ax coming back would make things just a little bit more like the good old days.

"I guess I miss him too." I grinned. "Remember when he ate that entire tray of Cinnabon?"

"Oh, God. The M&M's at the movie theater?"

"The hot sauce at Taco Bell?" I laughed. "It would be nice to see him again. When does he land?"

"Three weeks. Three of_ our_ weeks, to be precise." Cassie rolled her eyes.

"Man, I don't know if I'm ready for the whole _'your hours your minutes'_ thing again." I started swirling my spoon in my broth thoughtfully. "...Do you think the Initiative is gonna try something?"

She nodded grimly. "Of course. We _all _think the Initiative is gonna try something. Security is being beefed up."

"It better be," I muttered darkly. If the Initiative hated the Hork-Bajir, when all they did was eat bark and play in trees, they were absolutely going to flip a shit when the Andalites came to town. "Although the Andalites are probably going to have their own high-tech security with them."

"Right. A bunch of dinky humans won't be sneaking up on Royan Island. It's basically going to be a fortress. But, you know, they aren't getting into the Hork-Bajir Colony either, with all the dense forest and mountains and Hork-Bajir scouts. It's when they're out among_ us_ that they've got to worry."

I sighed. "I don't suppose the Andalites coming is going to be a low-key affair."

"It's not going to be kept under wraps, Rachel, this is a huge thing and the entire reason the Andalites are landing is for diplomacy. People have to know it's happening, and that means the Initiative will know too."

I scowled when she mentioned people having to know. "Does that mean there's going to be...?"

Cassie bit her lip and I already had my answer. "Full-blown media circus. There's going some speeches. Hand-shaking. A gala. I think Maroon 5 is in talks to perform, plus a famous Andalite morph-dancer. An _estreen_, I believe they're called. I kind of remember Ax saying I was like one."

"Uh-huh…" My eyes narrowed. I could take a wild guess where this was going.

"There's, uh, also going to be some press conferences…"

I dropped my spoon, completely giving up on my dinner. Not even broth was going to happen tonight.

"One of which they want all of the Animorphs to attend, a human interest sort of thing about our lives. I promised them I'd forward you the email myself when I got home. We sorta figured you'd delete it if you got it from the publicists."

I let my forehead drop onto the table dramatically.

"_Ugh." _That meant mobs of people, interviews, reporters, the whole nine yards. And this was big, not some little appearance on a news show. It wasn't even just a nationwide broadcast. This was going to be a worldwide event. It had been a nice long while since I had to participate in one of those. "All the Animorphs, huh?"

"That means not just me and Marco, this time."

Me. Tobias. Jake.

"Nope."

She reached around to rub my back sympathetically. "I thought you'd say that. But you know, we'll need new dresses for the gala. If you do the presser, I'll even let you buy me one."

I snorted. As if she would even attempt to get one for herself. Marco had several personal stylists that did an admittedly great job on his face, hair, and clothes. Cassie, on the other hand, refused to hire any and you had to practically strap her down to a makeup chair so studio hair and makeup could even get close to her. If she had her way, she'd waltz into the international gala in her old raccoon poop jeans from five years ago. She still had them in her closet.

"Obviously. What, did you think you can get one _yourself?_"

"It's sad that I've learned not to be offended by stuff you say," Cassie rolled her eyes. "But okay look, I thought you might fight this, so I'll let you get me one of those asymmetrical dresses you keep saying I'd look great in. Those one-shouldered things?"

My head snapped up. "Really?!"

"Yeah," she confirmed wearily.

"You would look _fantastic_ in a one-shoulder dress!"

"I know. You've been telling me this weekly for the past year and a half."

"So you _have_ been listening!"

"Rachel."

"Because, you know, you act like you don't."

_"Rachel."_

"Okay, I'm in."


	8. The Big Game

**CHAPTER EIGHT: ****The Big Game**

* * *

The week flew right on by, giving way to a beautiful Saturday afternoon. I had been in an excellent mood for days. Spending time with my family must have done the trick, because since then I'd made up with Cassie, hung out more with Ben and Gary, and even attended and took notes in all my classes. The other students had finally gotten bored with their gaping and were largely learning to ignore my presence on campus. It was glorious.

I wasn't sure why I chose that exact moment to take a peek at my schedule book for the following week, but I did.

"I can't believe you even have one of those things again," Marco scoffed at my schedule book. "That's so high school."

"Uh, not all of us want to hire a little minion to keep their life together."

"The minion is right here, guys," Kono waved. "Can we not compare me to a neon pink notebook?"

"Neon pink is all they had left at Staples," I said defensively, turning back to my calendar.

My third week of classes brought with it the first round of exams, papers, and presentations. And as if I wouldn't already be a vibrating ball of unmitigated stress, the following week was the week-long media storm preempting Ax's homecoming. Then, midterms.

"I'm not gonna make it."

"Don't you think you're being a _little_ over-dramatic?" Kono asked.

"No. I'd like to be cremated, my ashes spread over the trees near the Hork-Bajir."

"Not dramatic at all," Marco said dryly.

Kono had been begging me to go to the home opener football game between the BU Bearcats and the USC Trojans. I agreed, despite the fact that she had also invited Marco, who then invited Svetlana. I couldn't leave her to deal with those two alone. Plus, I wanted to make amends with Kono and Marco, make sure they knew I wasn't still furious at them for spying on me. Still a little pissed, maybe, but not furious.

Luckily, Svetlana couldn't make it at the last minute and Marco got the USC Trojan condom joke out of his system before we even got to our seats. Seats which, thanks to Marco's connections, we had upgraded to front row at the fifty yard line. Kono sat to my left wearing an FHBC t-shirt - a portion of proceeds from the game was going to the Foundation for Hork-Bajir Colonization, an organization based largely on Cassie's work - and Marco sat to my right in a Blythe U football jersey similar to mine. To his right sat everyone's favorite mountain of a bodyguard, Jose.

"You're a smart kid, you'll do fine," he said, his voice a deep bellow that almost sounded like it could shake the earth. If we all didn't already know him, we would have been scared.

Jose was six and a half feet tall and I swear, nearly as broad at the shoulders. He was a giant, his double-XL t-shirt was stretched tight over his chest and he could literally pick any of us up with one hand. I'd seen him do it to Marco, rescuing him from screaming girls at last years Emmys Red Carpet event. The private company that Marco hired him from charged a ridiculous amount for his services, but he was well worth it. Despite his hulking appearance, he was as stuffed full of teddy bear fluff as a behemoth could be. He had baby twin daughters that he showed pictures of to anyone that stood still enough, and he greeted all of us with huge, warm hugs. He could cradle any grown adult like a little child, and he did.

Unlike most other outings with Marco, Kono and Jose were his only staff present. Usually he was orbited by all manner of different assistants, publicists, stylists, security staff, reporters, umbrella-holders, etc, but the school stadium had strict capacity limits and despite celebrity status, we were only offered a certain number of seats. The opening game between Division rivals had been sold out since tickets first went on sale months ago.

"You_ will _do fine," Kono reassured me. "I'll help, and I'm sure Ben will help, too."

Marco and Jose leaned forward, suddenly super-interested in my whining.

"Why couldn't this little buddy of yours come today?" Jose asked. Being a 40-something year old woolly mammoth bodybuilder didn't change the fact that he was just as much a teenage girl as everyone else.

"Ben's stuck working concessions at the Union," I said simply. "Manning the ice cream truck in the quad until six or something. He's not really a sporty kind of guy, anyway, unless you play it with a controller."

"Pretty girl like you, I thought you'd be more into the jock type," Jose said, winking and flexing his muscles. It was like watching tectonic plates move. I couldn't help but grin at him.

Marco barked out a laugh. "In high school Rachel used to eat jocks for breakfast. They were scared of her. Nah, Rachel's way more into the quieter, introspective, geeky type."

"There was literally just one – never mind. Ben is just my_ friend_," I stated for what I figured would be the first of a million times. I made sure to add my patented edge to the end of the sentence, so they knew I was done.

Marco and Kono shared a look. I chose to bite my tongue.

"So, how come Svetlana couldn't make it?" Kono asked Marco. I admired her very well hidden disgust and complete disinterest in Svetlana's schedule. Again, I wondered if Kono had by some mysterious miracle developed a_ thing_ for Marco. I was getting that feeling more and more often, lately.

He shrugged. "Modeling gig in New York. She won't be back until Wednesday. I couldn't go with her because of my work here this week."

Marco seemed genuinely put out about it. It really almost made me feel bad for disliking his insipid poodle of a girlfriend so much. Almost.

Kono reached around me to pat him on the shoulder. "Wednesday will be here soon enough."

"It's fine," Marco waved us off, although I did notice his hand touch hers on his shoulder before she let go. This time Jose and I shared the look. I was going to have to ask Cassie about this tonight.

Cassie was downtown at City Hall. There was some big government meeting with a couple bigwigs and Toby's Hork-Bajir, something that apparently couldn't wait until Monday. Negotiations over a dedicated Hork-Bajir embassy were coming to a head, especially since the United States had been so quick to allow an Andalite embassy and base on Royan Island. It was kind of insult, in their eyes and ours.

Ronnie and even Tobias was there with her. The whole thing was a confidential, to minimize disruptions and media presence. Other than those at the meeting, only Marco and I knew about it.

"It's too bad Cassie had to head to the Hork-Bajir colony this afternoon," Kono commented.

"She thinks a touchdown is called a home run," I pointed out. "She's not missing anything."

"Still. It's fun to come to the games here, even if you don't know anything about sports," she said. "I feel like she's_ always_ working. It's the weekend!"

"You're one to talk." I rolled my eyes.

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"The_ real_ tragedy here is that I'm having a great hair day and I look really good in this green Blythe jersey, yet not one camera is allowed to focus anywhere near us," Marco pouted at me.

"Take it up with the government," I smirked. "Their rules. No one's allowed to photograph me while I'm on campus, and you're sitting right next to me."

"Maybe if I lean forward enough I'll get my fresh tape-up on the ESPN camera."

Kono laughed. "If you ask nicely, maybe Jose will dangle you over the rail."

Jose cracked his knuckles. "You don't even need to ask!"

We had arrived early at the game, so we had a good half hour or so to rib on each other before people really started to crowd us. We were just getting around to poking fun at Jose's awkward pineapple tattoo when someone tapped on my shoulder. When I turned around, I had no idea who I was looking at.

It was a young woman, maybe in her mid-twenties. She wore cat-eye jade glasses and the same FHBC shirt Kono was wearing. Her dark red hair was sleekly coiled in a bun and she wore minimal make up. Her expression was warm enough, but I was kind of annoyed at her interruption.

"Did you need something?"

"Rachel Berenson, it's a pleasure to finally meet you." The woman smiled and extended her hand. Cautiously, I shook it. "My name is Heather Bergen."

Beside me, Kono turned around and gasped.

"Heather!"

Heather turned to her. "It's nice to see you again...ah, I'm sorry…?"

"Kono," she reminded her. "Sakurako Kono."

"Right! Yes, I'm sorry. You'd think I'd remember such a lovely name."

I looked at Marco, but he was just as bewildered as I was.

"She's a_ reporter_," Kono explained. I didn't understand the emphasis, but it was clear she added it for my benefit. At least I knew now where my sudden taste of dislike had come from.

Jose stood up in his seat and them metal creaked under his weight. Heather didn't seem particularly frightened by it, though.

"Ma'am, Mr. Lanza and Miss Berenson are not conducting interviews at this time. They are here at their leisure and may I remind you that photographs are strictly…"

As Jose gave his patented "back off" speech, I felt Kono jabbing me in the side. I glared at her, she ignored it. She mouthed, _Tobias_.

"Hang on, you were at Toby's press conference." I realized slowly. "You're the reporter that..."

I glanced back at Kono and she nodded subtly. Tobias's reporter. The one he was possibly seeing. Also, the one that convinced Cassie to go on stage, thus saving her life. One would think it would be harder to loathe the person that inadvertently saved your best friends life. Even if she was a_ reporter. _That was _dating your ex_.

"Yes, I was at Toby's event." Heather shook her head. "A tragedy, but I'm glad that you at least weren't involved."

I bristled. "Wasn't involved?! Those were_ my_ friends that nearly got killed!"

"Rach, you might want to keep it down," Marco hissed, glancing around warily. Other football fans were filling in the seats around us, and it wasn't like we were inconspicuous people.

"I only meant I'm glad you weren't there to be hurt," Heather said fairly. "It was some stroke of luck that you were running so late. I heard you were busy at school, I never meant to imply anything else."

"She's just very protective of her friends," Marco interrupted. He wasn't lying, at least.

Heather may not have meant to imply it, but it was there. That I had willingly chosen to stay at school with some guy I just met instead of supporting my friends. They could have been hurt or even killed and I wouldn't have been there to help. I had been too late. Useless. She didn't need to imply it, I had been thinking it all on my own for days.

I could feel myself getting unreasonable. I could hear myself seething. But I couldn't help it.

"Rachel, chill," Kono whispered, a hand on my back. She could feel me tensing up just at Heather's presence.

"I'm Marco," he held out his hand to the reporter. "I don't believe we've actually met. I was tied up at a benefit, so I couldn't make it to that press conference."

Heather shook his hand, keeping a curious, wary eye on me. "My pleasure. I've heard a lot about you from Tobias."

"All lies, of course," Marco said, his classic cliché line that for some reason made people swoon at his feet. The boy was always dripping with nauseating charm. "Tobias, huh? Don't tell me you're trying to do a story on him. He's kind of a tough nut to crack."

She actually laughed. "Yes, well, he is...crackable. He's more friendly than most people assume. Much more pleasant than I was prepared for, actually."

"What do you mean? He - " Marco finally caught Kono's eye. She had been shaking her head frantically at him and tilting her head at me. I practically heard something in Marco's brain click._ "Oh. _You're the - oh."

"Tobias told me he was spending the day at the Hork-Bajir colony, said it was too nice of a day to spend cooped up in a packed stadium," Heather frowned, and a part of me was glad he didn't trust her yet with the truth. "Kind of a shame, especially since it is donating such a large portion of its funds to the Foundation. I think that he would have enjoyed this."

She spoke so properly, stiffly, like someone much older than her age. At closer glance, I estimated her to be about twenty-four or so. Despite the casual t-shirt and jeans, she wore her make-up and hair more suitable for a board meeting. The way she held herself made her look tense, her back straight and head held high, eyes flitting quickly back and forth from all of us to the rest of the stadium. Way too uptight.

Though I'll admit maybe I was grasping for something to hate about her.

"That's what Kono was saying earlier," Marco said. "Cassie's working, even though we told her these things are a lot of fun. It would be hard not to enjoy a nice day like this. It's gonna be sunny every day this week, I heard."

The fact that Marco was coming to my rescue, diverting the conversation from Tobias to the weather, only made my mood worse, as Marco's pity usually did. She seemed friendly enough, and for a reporter not even particularly pushy. She was an innocent, maybe she didn't even know about the history between Tobias and I.

"Tobias prefers to spend his sunny days in the sky," Heather shrugged, and looked directly at me. "He's told me this was something you enjoyed too, Rachel."

I gripped the bleachers so tightly my knuckles went white. She knew. She knew, and she was throwing it right in my face. My mind had gone numb and I couldn't even conjure up any of my usual biting replies.

Kono had to swoop in. I hadn't even noticed that Marco was gently holding my wrist.

"I would have thought it'd be too warm to fly if it was sunny," Kono said conversationally. "Too close to the sun, you know? Wouldn't it be hot?"

Marco shook his head, helping her derail the Tobias talk. "Actually, the sun heats up the ground and causes these warm upwards air tunnels. The rising hot air makes gliding easier and flying less work!"

"No kidding," Jose said thoughtfully.

"I'm just worried all this good weather is going to run out by the time Prince Aximili arrives," Heather fretted, the subject effectively changed. "They're doing a lot of the press events outdoors, to accommodate the Andalite preference for open spaces. I'd hate for it to rain."

Then, to my complete and utter irritation, she plopped herself down on the bleachers next to Kono. Marco winced and Kono inched herself closer to me.

"I'm here by myself, so I managed to snag really good seats," she explained, making herself comfortable by the aisle.

"Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom," I said, quickly getting up. I was not that good of a person yet. I did not have the patience for this. As I stepped down to the bleacher in front of us to get around Heather, since she was now blocking my way with her huge camera bag, I noticed too late the strap hanging in front.

"Rachel, watch your step!" Kono cried.

"_Ahh!"_

My arms windmilled and I pitched forward, off balance. I faceplanted hard at the bottom of the bleachers. The entire stadium fell silent. I was seeing stars blinking all around me.

Jose got to me first and picked me up like I was made of paper.

"Are you okay?!"

"Doe, I'm _dot_ ogay!" I roared, squirming until Jose put me down. Marco was flagging down one of the team medics on the field. There was blood on my lip, mostly dripping from my nose, which was bright red and rapidly starting to swell shut. I pointed a furious finger at Heather. "You shubbed your bag dere on puhpus!"

Heather's eyes were wide as saucers. "I – I didn't - "

Kono got in between Heather and I. I didn't ever realize I was trying to get at her.

"Rachel, calm down, just sit til the docs get here and check out your head. It looked like you hit it pretty hard."

"Yeah, because ob_ her_," I sneered. The facial expression made me feel the bruise forming on my chin. The bridge of my nose ached. "I was seeing dese bwight spots - "

"That could mean a concussion. Rachel, please, sit down."

"Like hell I will!" I ranted as Jose tried to look at my pupils.

"Do you still see the spots?"

I shook my head. "Doe. Dey stopped as soon as Jose bicked me ub off de..."

I trailed off. I hadn't imagined those bright blinking spots. I've had plenty of head injuries as an Animorph, so I knew what dazed spots were like. They didn't stop that abruptly. What I had seen was different...

"I'm sorry," Heather said desperately. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have put my bag down, I'd just been carrying it all day, it was heavy! I didn't know you were – I thought you were going to climb up behind us, I - "

"Wait, wait, shut ub. Get offa be." I scrambled back down the bleachers.

Marco, Kono, Jose, and the team doctors shouted at me to slow down, but I had to check. I had to make sure. I flattened myself against the metal floor and peered at the space under the bleachers. There it was. The blinking lights, what I had thought were stars and spots in my vision. Something was attached to the bottom of the seat. It was about the size of a toaster oven, and covered in wires. There were numbers on it, like a glowing digital clock. I couldn't tell exactly what it was, since it was hidden in the dark, but I could wild guess.

Jose pulled me back and took a look.

"What are you...oh, God – _BOMB!_" Jose cried. "Everyone back, BACK! It's a_ BOMB!_"

The stadium remained silent for an almost comical three seconds. And then, chaos.

People began to scream. Stadium staff did their best to maintain order, but it was a full-on stampede, with everyone trying to exit their bleachers all at once. It was only pure luck that the stadium hadn't completely filled up yet. I'm sure some people fell, pushed, shoved, and got stepped on. I would later find out that thankfully no one was seriously injured in the madness, but at the time I barely noticed any of it.

Jose practically hefted me over his shoulder and lifted Marco by the back of his jersey. Ahead of us, he prodded Kono to run faster, but all I could think of was what I had seen. There were lights. Wires. A timer?

Heather was fighting Jose, trying to push past him.

"Are you crazy?!" he demanded, still managing to grab her by the arm, even wrangling Marco and I. "Where are you going!?"

"I need to see something," Heather hissed.

"Unless you want to see yourself exploded, turn the fuck around!" Marco cried.

Heather stopped struggling and calmly looked up at Jose. "Sir, I'm very sorry. You seem like a very good man, and I hate to do this to you, but you're not giving me a choice."

"What - _ahhh!_"

Heather firmly bit down on Jose's huge, meaty arm. She bit him hard. I saw blood and Jose howled, letting her go and dropping me in the process. She ran and I fell face-first into the bleachers for the second time in five minutes.

"What the hell is going on?!" Marco shouted.

"Dat bitch just bwoke my dose _twice_, is what's goin' on!" I snarled, my vision blurry from the automatic tears. Blood was streaming from my nose and into my mouth. I took off after furiously, stumbling a bit after two super-fun head injuries. Behind me, I heard Marco squirm free from Jose to stop me from whatever crazy thing I was about to do, while Kono came back to tend to Jose.

"Rachel! You idiot, what are you doing?!" he yelled. "Jesus Christ, I thought I was done following you to certain doom."

I ignored him, instead focusing on Heather, who had slid down to her stomach on the floor where I had first fell. She was staring under the seats.

"Listen, you - "

"It's not real," she said. For some reason, she sounded horrified.

"Huh?"

She looked up, her eyes wide, but not at me. It was like she was talking to herself. "It's not a real bomb. It's a dud."

"De fuck'er ya talkin' aboud?" My nose was making it harder and harder for me to speak. I crouched down to get a better view. Marco had caught up and bent to see it with me.

The bomb was there. Lights blinking. Numbers displaying 12:00.

"Iddoes look kinda werd," I admitted. "De numbuhs ar't tickin' dowd."

"Yeah. But I mean, how do you just _know_ it's not a real - "

When we both straightened, we realized Heather was gone. We'd lost her in the fray.

"What is_ up_ with that girl?" Marco wondered.

I narrowed my eyes. He saw and shook his head.

"Now you're suspicious of her?"

"She was at de bombig of Toby's ebent, and dow she's heuuh..."

"Kono was there too, do you think _she's _part of the Initiative?" Marco pointed out. "Heather is a _reporter_, her job is to be at things like this"

"You dond dink is ad lease a liddle bit suspec'?" I said angrily. "She just audomadickly dows a bomb is a fake just by lookid' at it, she's dere ad both bombings, add dow she just disappeared?"

"Okay, first of all, I barely understand what you're saying now, and second, I'll admit it's strange. But again, she's a journalist. She's probably done terrorism stories before and learned a few things," he shrugged. "Rachel, I can have my people look into her. I can run a background check so extensive I'll know when her first baby tooth fell out. If something's fishy, we'll know about it. But I'm just saying...I mean, she's the one Tobias is dating now, right?"

I rounded on him, enraged. "Dat is_ dot _what dis is aboud!"

He held up his hands defensively. "Hey, hey, okay. Whatever. But I'm saying, if it were me in your position, I'd be a little on the quicker side to jump to conclusions about her, that's all."

"I sweah do God, Barco, I'b godda - "

Kono and Jose ran up to us, Jose holding his arm tenderly.

"That Heather girl is _crazy._" He scowled. "I lost her in the crowd. Can't believe she blends in so well, that red hair of hers."

"Uhhh, any reason why we're just standing around on top of a bomb and not running away screaming?" Kono asked.

"It's no good," Marco shook his head.

"Well, duh, it's a bomb."

"No, I mean, it's a fake. A dud."

"Why would someone put a dud bomb under our bleachers?"

"I'd assume they'd want all this to happen," Marco waved over at all the people screaming for the exits. I watched the stampede try to squeeze themselves out of the stadium. I was almost in awe at the spectacle.

"What, because some of the proceeds go to the Hork-Bajir?" Kono wondered.

As they speculated, I took another peek at the device under the bleachers, a closer look now that my eyes were no longer blurring.

I saw the letter "I" painted inside a red eye.

"Id's a fake because dey have somedin' bedder to do wid all deir resources," I realized, my stomach sinking. They'd caused a spectacle. That was their goal. Get everyone here, out of the way. "Dey hab a bigger target. Dis was just a distrackshud, to get the pocus on the wrog place."

Kono stared at me. "What?"

Marco was confused too, but I couldn't explain myself further. I was already starting to morph into my eagle.

"Why are you morphing? What are you – ?"

[Cassie. Tobias. Toby and the Hork-Bajir,] I said privately to him.

"Oh,_ shit," _he realized. "Oh, my God."

"Marco? Rachel?" Kono looked back and forth between us. "Why are you guys morphing? What's going on?"

I couldn't speak. I had to get to Cassie and Tobias.

[We have to get to City Hall,] Marco said to me, once he could thought-speak.

[How did they know about the meeting!?] I asked. [We were the only ones who knew!]

[I have no idea!]

It didn't matter we had to go,_ now._

"Are you guys private thought-speaking?!" Kono demanded. "Because that's rude as hell, when you guys do that."

[Their real target is in City Hall,] I told her. [This was just a decoy. A distraction.]

"But why - ?"

I looked at Kono and Jose with my fierce eagle glare.

[No time. We have to go. Call the cops, tell them to send a full team to catch up with us at City Hall. Okay? There is a terrorist threat_ there_, not here. Call them right now!]

By the time Kono whipped out her phone, I was airborne.

Later, I would find out that we were right. Heather was right. The bomb never went off, it was a complete dud. The BU stadium was evacuated quickly, thanks to Jose and the security staff. He practically carried everyone out of there on his back and the entire campus was put on lockdown. Kono, Heather and scores of others were detained while the FBI and a bomb squad swept the school and the surrounding area. They didn't find anything else.

But during all this, I was flapping like mad to City Hall. Marco in his osprey morph and I soared over the campus, where we could see terrified football fans running around in a panic. We flew over the Union and the quad, where I hoped Ben would stay, sitting in his ice cream truck and balancing his triple scoops on little sugar cones.

[Fuck, look at that.] Marco said.

Below us, a squad of police vehicles and several SWAT teams descended on the campus. A whole freaking lot of them.

[Goddamn it, if they send the whole force here, there's going to be no one left to help us up at City Hall.] I shouted down at them. [TURN AROUND! GET TO CITY HALL!]

We did a low aerial sweep, yelling at them to get their asses together, but all we got were dozens of bewildered cops sticking their heads out the window and looking at empty sky.

[We do not have time for this,] Marco muttered.

He was right. This is what the Initiative had wanted, every emergency vehicle in a five mile radius rushing to the scene of a fake bomb scare, and then being trapped among ninety thousand football fans and their cars.

But we had done things like this without the cops help on multiple occasions for many years.

[Just like old times.]

[That's not a_ good_ thing, Rachel!]

[We can handle it.]

Marco grumbled. [This was supposed to be my day off.]


	9. Extra-Curricular Activities

**CHAPTER NINE: ****Extra-Curricular Activities**

* * *

We barreled over the downtown area until we could see the tall gray dome of City Hall. An unsettling calm surrounded the grounds. There were absolutely no police cars in sight.

[Fantastic,] Marco groaned. [No cops. Tobias and Cassie are MIA, Ax is in fucking space, and Jake is chilling eating pineapples or whatever in Hawaii. No backup whatsoever. This is _great._]

[I forgot how much you whine during missions.]

[I'm hurt. How could you forget?]

I veered right to start making a wide circle around the building. Marco followed close behind, loyally not letting me go it alone, despite his incessant chattering.

[Let's fly in through one of the top floors,] I suggested. [Whatever open window we can find.]

[How are we gonna find them, running around inside the building? We have a better viewpoint from out here looking in through windows. Lets do a fly-around until we find them before busting in.]

He was right, of course. Classic Marco. I'd have been lying if I said I wasn't sort of enjoying this. Other than the part where Cassie, Tobias, and the Hork-Bajir were in trouble, this was everything I had been missing for the past three years. A mission. A goal. A dangerous life-threatening situation. I lived for this kind of thing. I had been aching for it.

[Not a lot of people in there,] I observed.

[It's Saturday. City Hall is mostly closed. That's why they chose today to talk about the embassy. Less people around, low-key, easier to keep a secret. Or so we thought,] Marco said grimly.

[What I meant was Cassie and the others would probably be where most of the people are. It should be easier to find.]

[Oh. Right, you go that way, I'll cover this wing.]

We took off, arcing in separate directions. I focused my eagle glare on each window. Empty room, empty room, woman on a computer looking up airline tickets, janitor, some guy trying to fix a projector, empty room, empty room... There were several sets of windows that were dark and had the shades pulled down, but they were all random and sporadic, no indication of foul play. Were we wrong about this? Even the people that were inside the building didn't seem to notice anything was wrong.

But that usually just meant that everything was.

[Rachel, I'm not seeing anything but I'm getting a really bad feeling about this…]

[Me too,] I sighed. [Let's - ]

Very suddenly I saw a quick movement. A man, dressed in drab grey coveralls and brandishing a mop, was sprinting down the halls. I saw him running past whatever few windows were open, his mouth pressed into a thin line and his eyes narrowed. I didn't know where he was going, but he seemed very determined to get there.

[Marco, I may have something here.]

[What?]

I flew after the man, trying to keep track of his whereabouts. It was hard, since many of the windows had their shades drawn and I kept losing him every few rooms.

[I have a runner here! I don't know who it is, but he is trying to get somewhere fast. First floor, east wing but heading west. Dressed like a janitor, I think.]

[I'm coming! Wait for me! Wait - oh, who am I kidding.]

I, of course, didn't wait. I spotted a window open down on the first floor, several rooms ahead of where the man was running. It was open just a little, but no screen. Just enough to squeeze a bald eagle through.

Or at least, that's what I thought. I rocketed forward like a missile, aligning myself with all the precision of an instinctive eagle and experienced human war veteran. But instead of speeding with enough force to squeeze through the window opening, I embarrassingly found myself stuck, wedged in window opening just an inch or so too small for my eagle girth. I fluttered my wings and wiggled my legs uselessly.

[Are you fucking serious right now?] Marco demanded, catching sight of my hindquarters sticking out of the window. He'd caught up to me, apparently.

[I'm stuck!]

[This_ is_ just like old times. You look like a cartoon.]

[Marco, look, your osprey is smaller than mine. If you aim just right, you can push me the rest of the way through and follow me in.]

[Aw, mannn...]

[Marco!]

[Okay, okay, jeez. Here goes.]

He torpedoed directly into my feathery butt and I popped from the window like a cork from a bottle. He tumbled in after me and we skidded across a conference table, tumbling to the carpeted floor in a mess of feathers and beaks and talons.

[Let's never, ever tell anyone about that,] Marco suggested.

[Good idea,] I agreed. [Let's go.]

We hurtled through the thankfully open door, right into the path of our running man.

He cried out in surprise at the sudden appearance of an eagle and osprey. His expression went from shock, to anger, to confusion. A reasonable chain of emotion, but I'd seen him through the windows. He hadn't seemed confused then, had he?

"Aléjate de mí! Déjame en paz!"

If he wasn't a real janitor, he seemed to be committing to the part very well, waving his mop around threateningly. From his belt, about a million dirty keys jangled together loudly, somehow making this already ridiculous scene even crazier.

[Whoa, whoa there, buddy! Do you speak English?] I asked, fluttering out of the way of his mop. He didn't appear to, casting some doubt on my original suspicions.

[He's telling us to leave him alone,] Marco translated. [Uh, somos...los Animorphs, dude. Yo soy Marco y esta es Rachel.]

The janitor tentatively lowered his mop. "Marco Lanza y Rachel Berenson?"

[Uh..._si,_] Marco said.

[Good one.]

[Shut up, I don't see_ you _helping!]

The janitor just stood there, utterly bewildered. Then he raised his mop, appropriately wary of the two birds talking to him in his head. Maybe I was wrong about him.

"Me han mentido antes. No sé quién eres en realidad. Usted podría ser el enemigo."

[Uh...he said something about us being the enemy or something.]

[I should demorph, so he won't be so freaked out,] I said. I also wanted to morph something a little more powerful than an eagle, and I had to go through my human body to get there.

[Yeah, because watching someone shapeshift doesn't freak anyone out.]

I demorped anyway, unafraid. The Animorphs didn't have as many secrets anymore. I shot up to my full height faster than my feathers were able to absorb into my human skin, and before my wings could become arms. To the janitor, a regular-sized eagle had just grown into a huge monster before his very eyes.

He cried out and hit me with his mop.

_"Kroaawwww!"_ I squawked, my beak not quite a mouth, but I had already lost my thoughtspeak.

[Oh, that had to hurt,] Marco commented helpfully. [Deténgase! Ella es un ser humano!]

"You better have told him to stop hitting me!"

The janitor swatted me again, this time in the stomach.

"_Owwww!"_

[I tried!]

Just as he was about to swing his goddamn mop at me a third time, my blond hair came spurting from my scalp like a golden fountain. His eyes widened.

"_Dios mío._ Rachel Berenson?"

"_Si!_ Yo soy _Rachel fucking Berenson!_" I said angrily, snatching the mop from his hands with my still wing-like hands. "Don't fucking hit people with mops, you _idiota!_"

"Lo siento mucho! No sé lo que está pasando, sólo estoy tratando de limpiar! Hay tantas cosas sucediendo al mismo tiempo! Lo siento!" He was babbling, his hands quivering over his face.

[Uh, he's really, really sorry and stuff?]

"Yeah, well, I still sort of wanna hit him with this mop."

"Hay hombres muy malos aquí. Se llevaron a los extraterrestres. Creo que están tratando de matarlos! Necesitan su ayuda!"

I looked at Marco, who looked back at me blankly.

"Gee, glad to see your Spanish is coming along."

[Is this really the time to be racist? I was raised by my single white dad for like half my life, in case you forgot!]

"I'm not being - "

The janitor threw his hands up in exasperation and pointed down the hallway at the stairs.

"Por ahí!"

"That's the direction he was running from," I realized. "He must have been running away. That has to be where Cassie and Tobias are! Tell this guy to get out of here, we have to - "

[Wait, we just let him go?]

"We don't exactly have to keep our identities secret anymore."

[What if he's one of them and he's just pretending?] Marco said suspiciously. [What if he knows something? We can't just let him go.]

I scrutinized the man doubtfully. He looked at me with wide, innocent eyes.

"He doesn't seem like he'd be part of the Initiative…"

[Why? Because he's _hispanic?_]

"That's not what I - I'm not being - !"

Marco snickered. [I'm just messing with you. Still, we should lock him in the - ]

Suddenly the janitor's fist flew right square into my nose. I was sprawled back on the floor, seeing stars _again_, blood trickling from my nose _again._

"What the fuck!" I cried, clutching my face as my vision blurred. _Again._ "Three fucking times!"

"I didn't want to do it," the janitor growled in infuriatingly perfect English. "But I seriously do not have time for you people."

He gave Marco a vicious kick, which he just managed to dodge. Then he swung the mop, sending Marco into the wall.

[I knew he was faking!] Marco howled.

"_He broke my fucking nose!"_

[After him!]

The janitor dropped the mop and was fleeing, in the opposite direction of where he had been pointing us. He'd been trying to throw us off the trail. I tore after him, blood and tears streaming down my face, making it hard to see and breathe. But I didn't have time to morph. I had to get this asshole.

Marco flew ahead, catching up quicker and ripping into the guy's face. He cursed, trying to swat at him. An osprey could definitely slow him down, but it wouldn't stop him. That was up to me.

"Marco, get away!" I cried. Startled, Marco complied, letting go of him. I dove, tackling him to the floor.

"_Ooooof!" _

I was a hundred and twenty pounds of skinny blonde. This fake janitor outweighed me by maybe eighty pounds. But after you've been assaulted by an osprey, you were a little more susceptible to sneak attacks. And if that sneak attack involved a good knee to the nutsack, you stayed down.

[Ooooh, _damn_, Rachel!]

I gave him another good kick before running into the closest office and emerging with some duct tape. The janitor cursed, but was completely incapacitated from the balls down. I duct taped his legs together, then his hands, which he was using to clutch his crotch.

"Stop! Stop, wait - !" he was saying, before I duct taped his mouth, too.

"Save it for the judge, terrorist," I snarled.

[You just couldn't help saying that, could you?]

I started to morph into my grizzly bear.

"Come on, Marco, demorph. We have to go, we've wasted enough time already!"

Marco hesitated.

[Wait, can you look away first?]

I rolled my eyes as a furry muzzle protruded from my face.

[Really?]

[Not all of us still wear our morphing outfits under our clothes like lunatics!]

[We're both adults here, come on. It's not like I haven't seen one before.]

[Just turn around! Jeez, Rachel!]

I complied, making sure to make fun of him at least three more times as we morphed. It had been a while since we had morphed in such quick succession. I had forgotten how exhausting it was. But there was no way I was barging into a room full of terrorists in my human body, no matter how impressive my tackling skills were. Grizzly was definitely the way to go. Marco thought the same, and when he let me look at him he was a gorilla.

He pounded his chest for good measure.

[It's clobberin' time! Oh man, I did miss this big guy.]

Together, we easily dragged the guy into the office and shoved him into a closet. Unable to find the key in his endless key ring, we resorted to taping all around the door and moving a desk in front of it.

Marco grabbed a piece of paper from a printer and wrote a note.

_INITIATIVE ASSHOLE INSIDE. CALL THE COPS._

[Now what?] he asked.

[No idea. I guess we shoulda asked that guy where he was going.]

[Yeah, that might have been easier _before_ we taped his mouth shut and locked him in a closet.]

[What if - ?]

Suddenly we heard a crackling, like static. It was coming from the closet.

[Did you know he had a radio?] I asked. Marco shook his head.

"_Sanchez, you there? Sanchez, you gotta get down to the basement. And bring your mop and broom, it looks like a fucking tornado went through here. I'm by B12. Bring a flashlight too, because its dark as - oh, shit! Shit! Fuck! Ahhhh!"_

Marco and I stared at each other.

[The basement!]

[B12!]

We tore down the hallway, got to the stairwell entrance by the elevators and stared at the tiny doorknob. I jabbed at it with my claws and looked over at Marco. He reached out two fat, sausage fingers, but couldn't get a good grip on it either.

[You have got to be kidding me!] I started to back up, ready to slam the door down.

_Ding!_

That's when the elevator arrived on our floor. Another janitor was inside, looking thoroughly terrorized. He was shouting into a radio.

"Sanchez, if you hear me, call the cops, theres - holy shit!"

He was face to face with a grizzly bear and a gorilla.

[GET OUT!] we roared at him. He didn't need to be told twice. He tumbled out of the elevator, whimpering and wetting his pants.

We squeezed into the surprisingly tiny elevator and pushed the button for the basement B-level. The doors closed, and then we heard a loud, very, very loud, screech.

[What was that?!] Marco yelped.

[Uh, how much does a grizzly bear and gorilla weigh?]

[I don't know. A lot? I'm like, 400 pounds and you're probably twice that.]

[So together we're more than that, I guess?] I pointed a claw at the sign. Maximum weight capacity: 800 pounds.

[Oh. Yeah.]

The elevator grinded slowly and loudly about halfway down the shaft and bounced, a terrifying feeling.

[This is gonna hurt,] Marco said.

[Yup.]

The elevator bounced one more time, as if held up by rubber bands, and then suddenly we were falling.

[Ahhhh!]

[AAAHHHHH!]

We crashed onto the first floor, on top of each other. Smoke filled the elevator. I jammed my claws into the doors and pried them open and we rolled out, cursing like pirates.

[We are too fucking old for this!] Marco whined.

[Look, there's B12!]

The hallway was completely empty, save for the half dozen unconscious Hork-Bajir on the floor. They must have been posted there as security. It was a little strange that they hadn't posted any human guards, but I figured Hork-Bajir were that much more effective.

We ran to them first.

[They were shot,] Marco said. [There are bullet holes.]

He could see in the dimly lit basement with his gorilla eyes better than I could. But I could feel the sticky blood beneath my paws just fine without him needing to tell me.

[Are they…?]

[They're all breathing,] he confirmed. [I can see them, but not easily.]

[They're bleeding a lot. They need help,] I said.

[I don't think they're the only ones,] Marco nodded behind me.

I turned and saw the door that they were apparently trying to guard was wide open.

[Shit.]

We squeezed through the door and stared. The powerpoint presentation about the planned Hork-Bajir embassy was still playing on the projector. The lights were off and everyone must have had their attention on the screen. The Initiative had taken that moment to strike.

[It's Ronnie!] I cried. I could recognize him in the light of the projects, sitting limply in his chair. I spun him around and stared at his chest, watching for the rise and fall of breath.

He was alive. Completely out, but alive.

[There's more Hork-Bajir,] Marco said. [None of them are Toby. Cassie and Tobias are missing, too.]

There were three Hork-Bajir inside the meeting room, hopefully just unconscious, mixed with maybe eight humans. A few I recognized from meetings and media events, mostly from when I tagged along with Cassie to her job.

[The humans were tranquilized. I can see the darts. But the Hork-Bajir were _shot_,] Marco said, crouched down next to one. [It looks like they tried to _kill_ the Hork-Bajir.]

[Good thing they are hard to kill,] I said, scanning the room. The Hork-Bajir here were breathing, though even I could tell they were more shallow than normal. Pools of blood were puddling under their bodies and staining the carpet.

[Not that hard. These guys are dying. If we can find something and apply some pressure to the wounds…] Marco said, probably trying to think what Cassie would do. [Come on, Rachel, help me - ]

But I knew we couldn't help them. Not all of them. Not nearly enough.

A Hork-Bajir suddenly grabbed Marco's wrist.

"Find Toby," he pleaded. "Find them."

A Hork-Bajir laying by me moaned in agreement.

"Toby need help."

"Go…!" Another Hork-Bajir said weakly, her voice bubbling with some kind of fluid. "Go help Toby!"

As if on cue, we started hearing sirens in the distance.

[They're coming,] I said hastily. [The ambulance and the cops. Kono must have managed to redirect them all. Come on, Marco, they can help these guys better than we ever could. We need to find Cassie, Tobias, and Toby. They aren't here.]

Marco sighed. [But where are they?]

I flipped on the lights. Grizzly bears have exceptionally shitty vision, especially in the dark. That was when I saw the tracks in the carpet. Small tracks made by small wheels.

[They were carried out, I realized. On a cart or something. They were kidnapped!]

[But where?] Marco wondered, staring at the tracks with me. They ended once they went out into the shiny linoleum flooring of the hall. We couldn't follow the trail that way.

"Good humans," a Hork-Bajir's voice rattled. "Pretend to be good humans, but bad. Pretend to help hurt humans, but no help."

[What?]

Marco suddenly froze. [Wait a second. Does it sound like the ambulance sirens are getting _further_ away, not closer?]

[What do you mean?] I listened with him. Then, it clicked.

[Not carts. They were taken out on _stretchers!_] I realized. [Ambulance stretchers! The Initiative must have been disguised as EMTs!]

[We have to follow the siren! They're getting away!]

"Go!" the Hork-Bajir were urging us. "Go! Help!"

We started to demorph, trying to run as we did. It was very, very tiring to morph this much, but we managed and soon we were an eagle and osprey again, hurtling through the sky trying to follow the sound of a siren that was getting more and more distant. To make things worse, new sirens were joining it. It looked like Kono _had_ managed to reroute the cops. A new squadron of cars were heading to City Hall now and their noise was drowning out the one ambulance we were trying to tail.

[I think I see it!] Marco cried. [Heading south on Marigold Avenue!]

I saw it too. Normally, there would be no way two birds of prey could keep up with a speeding ambulance, but thankfully the traffic was slowing it down. Even with its siren blaring, it wasn't like the drivers of our town were known to handle traffic well. They moved slowly, and couldn't make way even if they wanted to.

We caught up to the ambulance. The driver was wearing a bandana covering the lower half of his face. Not sketchy or cliche at all.

[What do we do now?] I wondered.

[I don't know. It's not like we could dive-bomb an ambulance as a couple of birds!]

Or could we?

Marco saw me angle my wings and straighten my tail.

[Oh, no. No Rachel. No, no, no, no – _Rachel!_]

I dove, feeling the the adrenaline spark inside me like a live wire. It was the sweetest thing I'd tasted in months, aiming headfirst straight for the open window of the passenger's side. There was another masked guy in that seat. Attacking him first would distract the driver, maybe run him off the road, but hopefully he'd maintain enough control not to wreck the ambulance and hurt Cassie and the others. Above, I could hear Marco shouting at people around us on the street.

[STOP! EVERYONE STOP! OFF THE ROAD!] He was yelling openly at every motorist in range, trying to protect them. [GET AWAY FROM THE AMBULANCE!]

I could see all the cars listen. Not everyone was used to hearing voices in their heads like we were, but they definitely knew how Animorphs communicated in morph. They knew something was going down. The cars all turned, backed off from the spectacle we were making - an osprey making sweeping circles over the road screeching while an eagle hurled her crazy self at an ambulance.

I zoomed through the window, talons out, and hit the passenger right in the face. I tore at his skin and he howled. The driver swerved in panic.

[Stop this thing!] I demanded, slashing my guy. I think I got him in the eye. My talons and beak were splattered in blood. My heart raced in mad excitement. [Stop now!]

Instead of listening, the driver held up a gun.

[Oh. Shit.]

[Rachel, am I seeing a gun!?] Marco cried. [Bail out! Get out of there now!]

[Um, working on it!]

The driver fired. I felt my wing crumple and the pain nearly crippled me.

[Okay, this is going to be harder than I thought!] I admitted.

[Fuck. Okay, I'm going in!]

[No!] I shouted at Marco. [I can get out, I just need to - ]

Too late. The driver cocked the gun again and the open window was too far away. He was driving really slow now, but I still wasn't sure I could even survive that fall in my condition. I jabbed the passenger again right in the neck, more in frustration than anything.

[Gotcha!]

Marco swooped in through the driver's window.

"Another one!?" He cried.

[Yeah, buddy. You messed with the wrong crowd.] Marco couldn't quite pull the gun away from his startled hand, but he knocked off his aim. The driver fired through the floor at an awkward angle. The ambulance jolted and swerved sharply, causing the driver to slam his head against the steering wheel. He was stunned for a moment, and we took that opportunity to make a break for it.

[Okay, let's go, Xena,] Marco grabbed me by my injured wing and I was almost blinded by the agony.

[_Ow!_ What the shit, Marco!?]

[I can't carry you out of here by myself, I need you to use your good wing!]

He dragged me across the lap of the passenger, how who was completely distracted by the fact that I had gouged out his right eye. It was excruciating, but together we were able to hoist my bloodied body up and out of the passenger side window. We hit the pavement, dazed.

[They're getting away!] Marco said. I could see the back of the ambulance open up, and a bunch of booted legs hit the ground running. I assumed the driver had shaken it off and was jumping out his side as well.

[We can't let them!] I said savagely, starting to demorph.

[Wait...what the hell - is that an ice cream truck?!]

I looked up and yes, there was an ice cream truck barreling across the intersection.

[What the - ?!]

[Rachel - MOVE!] Marco shoved me and we both rolled to the side.

_BOOM! CRRRRUNCH!_

The ice cream truck crashed right into the cab of the ambulance, missing us by mere inches. The ambulance was shifted sideways, not quite turning over, but I could see from underneath the four masked men, toppled over by the force. Two were running away, but it was too late to catch them. I saw police cars slowly making their way over, but they wouldn't catch the two runners.

[Holy shit!] Marco cried. [What was that?!]

I didn't even think about it. As soon as I had legs, I ran over to the back of the ambulance, making sure to stomp the two Initiative guys on the ground right square in the balls before climbing inside. I'd been doing a lot of nut-kicking but it had been a very, very long-ass day.

Cassie was unconscious, thankfully otherwise unhurt and strapped to a stretcher. She was alive, her breaths easy and unlabored. So was Toby, who couldn't fit on a regular stretcher, so she was in chains on the floor. A red tailed hawk was taped in his own stretcher The stretcher was covered in blood.

He was awake.

"Oh, my God. _Tobias!_" I ran over to him and a sudden rush of feelings washed over me. I started to hastily peel away the tape.

[Whoa, ow. Ow - ow! Watch the feathers!]

"You're...you're bleeding!" I cried. "Oh, my God, this is a lot of blood, you have to morph - !"

[Rachel, relax. It's not my blood.]

'What?"

[It's not my blood. I'm fine.]

Before I even realized what I was doing, I had my arms around him and squeezed him as tightly as a bird's body could tolerate. I let go after a few seconds, feeling immeasurably foolish.

"Sorry."

[No, it's… I… Thank you.]

I was blushing bright red, I knew. "Sorry. Are you…?"

[I'm okay. I'm okay, Rach,] Tobias said. [They never got me with a dart, they just captured me. I've just been watching Cassie and Toby, making sure they were breathing.]

I frowned. "Why didn't you just morph out of there?"

[When I woke up, they had guns on me!] Tobias said defensively. [What was I supposed to do?]

I didn't answer him. My heart was pounding, even though it was all over. They were all okay. Why was my heart still pounding?

Turning away from him, I went over to Cassie to make absolutely sure she was okay. I wished she would wake up. She could try and make this whole thing a lot less awkward.

[Are _you_ okay?] Tobias asked finally. Worriedly.

I'd forgotten how warm his thought-speak was. It was all-encompassing, like a physical touch. When he showed me concern, it felt like he was holding me without even having to. No one else could show emotion in a thought-speak voice like he could.

[I heard the commotion out there. Figured it had to be you.]

"I'm fine."

"Hey, guys," Marco appeared at the door, fully human and wrapped in what looked like a paramedic's blanket. It bore the logo for Downtown Medical Center. "The cops are here. They got the two guys up front and the two guys you kicked in the nuts, Rach. But you'll never guess who our ice cream truck hero was."

I climbed out of the ambulance and Tobias flew out after me. There was now a second ambulance, a real one, that had pulled up next to ours. Sitting on his own stretcher there, looking thoroughly annoyed, was Ben.

"Oh, my God!" I cried, sprinting over. _"Ben!?"_

He spotted me and grinned his stupid grin. "Oh, hi, Rachel!"

"Are you okay?! _What the hell is the matter with you?!_" I looked him over but I didn't see much. A bloody lip, and he was favoring his left hand. But that was it.

The paramedic shook her head.

"He looks okay. I doubt there was any major head injury, but ice cream trucks don't have air bags -"

"Which I think is a major safety flaw," Ben interjected.

"It's an_ ice cream truck!_" I cried. "It's meant to go like, two miles an hour through school zones, not ram over ambulances!"

He shrugged. "I feel good. Except my arm."

The paramedic nodded. "His wrist looks bad, so we're taking him for that but they might also want to admit him overnight for observation."

"No big deal," Ben said sheepishly.

"If you weren't just in an ice cream truck accident, I would punch you right now," I said angrily. "What on _earth_ were you thinking?!"

Behind me I could hear Marco whispering to Tobias,_ "Pot, meet Kettle."_

"Shut up, Marco!"

Ben smirked at that, and nodded. "Well, when I heard about the thing at the game, I shut down the truck and went to the Union to find out what was going on from the big TV. The news was saying the fake bomb was a distraction, and the cops were all headed to City Hall, where some secret Hork-Bajir meeting was being held. It also said you and Marco were missing. I put two and two together."

"So you climb into a fucking ice cream truck and crash it into a moving ambulance?!"

"That wasn't exactly the plan," Ben said. "At first I was just going to follow the cops. I wanted to make sure you were okay, I don't know."

"_Stupid!"_

Marco coughed and I glared at him in warning.

"But there was tons of traffic so I went another way, up Marigold. That's when I saw an eagle and a hawk - "

"Osprey," Marco corrected annoyingly.

" - chasing after an ambulance. Everyone heard Marco telling everyone to clear out of the way, but then I saw both you guys dive into the ambulance and heard the gunshots. I was close enough to see you guys fall out the window, and the bad guys getting out the back. So..."

"So you should have stayed away!" I cried. "You just let them get away, you don't make a kamikaze ice cream truck - "

"The driver was coming back around with his gun," Ben interrupted. "He was going to shoot you guys."

That shut me up a little.

"So..._that's_ when I did the Kamikaze Ice Cream Truck."

Marco grinned. "That's so Twisted Metal."

Ben brightened. "Right!? I'm Sweet Tooth!"

"You totally are, bro! Nice Deadpool shirt, by the way."

"Thanks! I got it at Comic Con."

"Cool!"

I pressed a finger at the bridge of my nose. A brand new headache.

"Okay, if you don't mind, I'm going to take Mr. Wen to the hospital," the paramedic said, gently laying him down and strapping him in. Ben waved goodbye to me with his good hand as they loaded him into the ambulance.

"See you at school!"

I waved back feebly and turned to face Marco. I had completely forgotten Tobias was even there. I couldn't look at him.

"He seems really cool," Marco said.

"Shut _up_."

[He does, though,] Tobias said quietly. [Pretty brave, in a stupid kind of way. I could see why you like him.]

_Now_ I could look at him. "Excuse me?"

[I didn't mean it as an insult,] he said quickly. [I just meant - ]

"Uh, this might be our cue to leave," Marco interrupted, stepping between us and looking at me. "We should go."

I flared up at him, too. "Not until - "

"Rachel," Marco whispered, nodding his chin at something behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw a small fleet of reporters descending upon us.

"Oh, no."

Tobias immediately went airborne. I jumped into the closest ambulance, already crowded with Cassie's stretcher and two paramedics.

"Marco, get in here!"

"Maybe one of us should stay behind and - "

"You're wearing a blanket."

"You don't think they'd find it sexy?"

"Oh, for God's sake, would you just - ?"

I grabbed him by the blanket and pulled him inside with us. The ambulances took off, sirens blaring. Overhead, Tobias spoke to us.

[Hey, I'm gonna catch up with you later. I'll check on Toby and Cassie tomorrow. I know they're in good hands anyway, with you guys.]

"Where's he off to?" Marco wondered.

I didn't know the answer to that, but I knew where he definitely wouldn't be, at least while I was there. He was warning me about visiting the hospital in the morning, so I'd know to avoid that time.

"No idea."


End file.
